Scar tissue
by Silent Sigh
Summary: This is following Chiko-envy, a darker fic with serious topics along with AAMR and another pairing. Ash recieves a Phone call from Pallet, which changes everything...
1. Past and present collide

Hi! This is my 2nd fanfic, not as fluffy or sweet as the first, but with considerable AAMR. It has some strong elements of dark in it, and is not for kids due to some of the topics discussed in this fic, but please don't let it put you off! It's not going to make you leap off a cliff or tie a rope around your throat. Honest!  
  
So, this fanfic follows on a while after chiko-envy one finishes off, and I reccoment you read chiko-envy if you want to get everything, but it can stand well enough by itself. Massive thanks for everyone who reviewed Chiko- envy, I hope all you wonderful people review this one too! I'd just like to point out that the characters are a little different from the Anime, in that they're all brighter. Especially Ash, he's a little limited in the anime, as is everyone else for that matter. I've just tried to expand them a little! I hope it works, I've tried to keep their basic attributes, Ash's single-mindedness, Misty's temper in it too.  
  
So, on with the fic! Please R&R! Pretty please?! Support, comments, flames all welcome!  
  
Scar tissue – Part I.  
  
  
  
Concern washed into my mind, as the chocolate eyes of my partner widened. An urgent message from Pallet was odd enough, hell, any call from Pallet is odd enough. Pallet is barely big enough to be on a map, and the only reason people know it is for Professor Oak. Oh, and my partner that is. High finisher in Indigo, Orange champion and hot tip for the Johto title in a few weeks time, a name which has inspired a huge rush in Pokemon training among kids in Indigo. A famous face from a small town put on the map, a face which is now threatening to fall like the autumn leaves. I look on, and see his shoulders hunch, he almost slumps forwards. Brock nudges me, and a single glance shot form him to me echoes my exact thoughts – this isn't good. I heard from someone that over nintey-five percent of communication is not spoken, but by the way they stand not what they say, more what they don't say and when they look away… ..and it's never been clearer before now. Hand holding the reciever shaking, Ash dips his head and pulls his cap down, actions which speak louder than words. I try to catch another glimpse of his face but I can only see his mouth, his lips trembling. Slowly, he hangs up, but still stays where he is, fists clenched from some deep inward battle, whether it is a decision he needs to make or the battle to control his emotions, I don't know. Slowly, I move over to him, and lay my hand on his green-clad shoulder, which is as tense as a bowstring. Eventually, I summon up the courage to speak.  
  
"Ash, what was that?" I jump back as he recoils and retreats like a wounded animal. Soundlessly, he paces off into the depths of the centre, face still shielded. But a reflection in the shiny pink floor of the centre tells me all I need. I spin around, and walked to Brock.  
  
"Did you get anything out of him Misty?" He probed gently, displaying unusual tact, which is normally as subtle as a Rhydon.  
  
"No, but I saw his face as a reflection, and whatever it is, he's completely broken by it. More even than when he was defeated by Gary or Richie, or even when Charizard left him." My worry obviously broke through, as Brock just nodded.  
  
"Go on Misty, go look for him."  
  
  
  
("Who is it?") I heard Pikachu's squeaking voice from behind our, that is my and Ash's room door. I gazed at the featureless white panelling before replying.  
  
"It's Misty" Claws scrabbled on the inside of the door before the handle depressed and it swung inwards. I entered as Pikachu dropped from the handle and scrambled back over to me in a flash of yellow and brown, standing next to Chikorita who'd taken to being out of a Pokeball.  
  
("What's up Misty?") Her ears flattened a little as she picked up on my look of disappointment as I scanned the otherwise empty room.  
  
"Pikachu, have you seen Ash?" I asked, unable to keep fear out of my voice.  
  
("No, he hasn't been here!") Her eyes grew as worry engulfed her. ("What's wrong?!")  
  
("Has he gone off again?") Chikorita added.  
  
"He had an urgent call from Pallet. When I tried to find out what it was he took off, but I know he's totally shaken up by whatever it is." Pikachu's look of worry became clouded by thought.  
  
("If I know Ash he'll be looking for somewhere he can be himself, as far from anyone as possible. Did he leave the building?") Pikachu asked, voice tinged with terror at the last question. I shook my head, my orange hair washing across my face. ("Whew. At least he's here somewhere. This is the only building for miles, and he hasn't got his pokemon. So, the furthest he can go is.. .up. This is a four-storey building, so he'll have gone up high.") I nodded, it made sense. I turned to leave, but felt Chikorita tug my leg.  
  
("Misty, I know you're the best one to do this, but please make sure you don't accidentally hurt Ash?") Memories of a month before sprang into focus, and I nodded to her.  
  
"Don't worry, you can rely on me you two. I'll use my head and my heart guide me this time, not my outsized mouth." Turning to leave, I thought deeply about out promises. No secrets? Well, time to see if were really true to each other.  
  
  
  
Thick clouds scudded across the sky, obscuring any shades of blue which may have brightened his day. *Kinda ironic, but they say the weather knows how you're feeling.* Ash sat on a flat section of the roof, and stared upwards. *Yeah, not a silver lining in sight. It only needs to be raining.. .. * On cue, a few drops spattered onto the floor around him. He stared around the treetops spanning far into the haze of rain and Mist, and felt his troubles flow away for a blissful moment as his mind lapsed into a standby like trance. He looked to the east. *I wonder how far it is home.. ..* Once again the contents of his recent phone call hit him like a sock full of wet sand. He hugged his knees to his chin, and felt tears begin to overwhelm him again. As a sob grabbed his throat, he heard the door to the roof open and he squeezed it off. *I'm not gonna appear weak, or cry in front of anyone.. ..*  
  
"Ash?"  
  
*Except her.* Ash twisted to see Misty's worried face approaching. Misty stopped a few feet away, and looked back at him. *He's hugging his knees to himself, this is bad.* "Ash, what was the call about?" She enquired, Aqua eyes piercing his weak impression of indifference.  
  
"I-it was Pallet town's clinic. It's my mother. She's been.. ..in an accident. They don't know if she'll be okay.. .." With that he folded up, and shook silently. Misty crouched down, ignoring the still spitting rain and dampening floor, and held him closely. "I-I j-just want to get back there and talk to her, but I don't know if I'll make it in time, the nearest coach to Pallet is from Megam town, but that's a couple of days journey…. what if she's gone already by the time I get back there?" His sobbing grew louder, and he pounded the roof with his fist. Misty sat next to him, and drew him into her arms even more tightly. *I knew that the news was bad, but I never thought it could be like this.* She grasped his now sodden cap, and slowly pulled it off his head, allowing his black hair to flow out fully, and stroked it like he did to her when she was feeling sadness.  
  
"My god Ash, that's just terrible. I can see why you're so upset." Ash nodded briefly, his sobs slowly softening in response to her gentle caresses.  
  
"Damn! Damn it all to hell!" Ash stopped abruptly, unable to articulate the anger he felt in words.  
  
"Ash, I know that you can't see this right now, but the best thing to do is to try and stay calm, get packed and ready for the trip back." Misty got up again, yellow top sticking to her, and turned. "I'm going to tell Brock, and get packing. But Ash."  
  
"Yeah?" Ash wiped tears form his red rimmed eyes, and looked back at her.  
  
"Please don't stay out here too long, you'll catch a cold. Getting angry can't help you, so calm down for now. Please?" Misty's tone of pleading nibbled Ash into a reply.  
  
"I'll try Mist." Misty smiled briefly, before opening the roof access door and descending back into the hotel. Ash put his hat back on, and scanned the scene one more time, hands clenched into fists with impotent rage. *But I can't promise anything, after all, you don't know the whole story. ...*  
  
  
  
"Hope you get back to Pallet in time!" Joy's good luck blessing brought answering waves from Misty, Pikachu and myself, but the expression of the one walking between us remained stony, unresponsive. I quickly glanced down at Pikachu, who stared at Ash with soulful eyes, as she had for the last few hours since Ash last acknowledged her presence. She'd seemed upset about it when she talked to me about a half hour before we'd left, as the last time Ash had gone without noting her he'd gone almost to the point of self-destruction, which scared her to say the least. Chikorita looks equally troubled, but keeps her head down. Since that night with Misty, which the two of them were still very secretive of, Ash had changed subtly, seeming more bright and open, but at the same time a little less confident and brash. Chikorita knows something to, but she's as loyal to him as Misty, so no way of getting details from her. Pikachu seems to think there might be a repeat. I study Ash out of the corner of my eye, and he seems to be quivering with some sort of inner rage. Misty told me he said his mother had been in an accident, and was in a bad way in hospital, but there's more to it than that. Ash isn't just consumed by sadness, he's angry, no, furious. So furious that he can't shout or scream or even speak of it. If Deliah had been in an accident I'd expect him to be sad first, angry second. But his sadness isn't prominent enough. There's something he hasn't told us. Misty was totally sincere when she told me what she knew, so it's something which he won't even tell her. What could be so awful that he won't tell us?  
  
  
  
The fire flared. Silhouettes cast into the darkness flickered and danced mysteriously. Brock and Misty sat close to each other beside the fire, staring at the flames as their minds wandered, wandered to a young man, lain in a sleeping bag s few yards away, facing the darkness, Pikachu sitting morosely at his side, Chikorita lain asleep on his other side.  
  
"Brock?" Misty whispered as quietly as she could while still detectable over the crackling wood of the fire.  
  
"yeah?" Brock replied in kind.  
  
"Do you think there is something Ash isn't telling us?"  
  
"I'd say so." Brock scratched his chin in absent minded thought. "If it was my dad, I'd be distraught. But he isn't so much distraught as….angry."  
  
"I know from when my mother got injured in an acccident…." Misty bit her lip at mentioning her to Brock, but decided to keep going. "I couldn't believe it either. I was angry for….reasons of my own at her, but I still worried about her. Ash seems like he can't. Like something is getting in his way." Brock turned to Misty, and looked her in the eye.  
  
"Why were you angry at your mother?"  
  
"Oh Brock, it's something I'd rather not talk about. Please?" Misty looked back, pleading in her eyes.  
  
"Misty, I'm your friend. Can't you trust me with something like that?"  
  
"I've never told anyone….except him…." Her eyes darted to Ash, still silent and still, and back to Brock.  
  
"C'mon Misty. I would like to know, and it'd help us work out if he's angry for the same sort of reason."  
  
"No, it's not the same reason. Deliah's not the same as my mother. She wouldn't get hurt in an accident of her own making."  
  
"her own making?"  
  
"Let's just say Brock," Misty gave him a bittersweet smile "That my mother is the female Ash, but did it for her own thrill. Danger, excitement, adrenaline. Ash can remind me so much of her, especially when he's being so stubborn." Brock noticed the emotion fuelling the last words, and decided to pry further. *Something here is important. Perhaps it'll help me to get a grip on what binds Misty to Ash too.*  
  
"I wouldn't say Ash is being that stubborn." Misty's eyes flared, and she seemed to swell in size.  
  
"He's hiding something! Locked it away from me, same as my mother used to! I hate that! HATE IT!" She hissed angrily, face flushed with pure fury.  
  
"Why shouldn't he keep things from you?"  
  
"Why shouldn't he? We promised, no secrets! Why should he keep something from me!" Misty's anger built up like a forest fire, fanned by Ash's reluctance to share his secret. "He keeps secrets to avoid looking weak, to seem confident, so we won't worry about him! He thinks he isn't worth our worry! The one I love thinks that he doesn't deserve it! I managed to get him out of his shell, but now he's crawled back in and shut it tight!" Misty slowly deflated as she realised what she'd said. "Oh my god, I've betrayed his trust, told you everything we promised to keep between ourselves! Oh no, no!" Brock, seeing Misty fill with tears, reached over to her and grasped her hand.  
  
"Misty, you haven't betrayed him. I won't tell a soul, and by telling me I can treat him as he should be treated, not just believing he's a confident guy who can handle anything. I won't look down on him because of it. Honestly." Misty sniffled, but nodded slowly. At that moment, Pikachu hopped over, looking a little concerned.  
  
("Brock, Misty, do you know if Ash has fallen over in the last few days?")  
  
"No, don't think he has. Why?"  
  
("He's got lots of scratches just by his shoulder, up above the end of his shirt sleeve. Maybe he fell on it?")  
  
"Heh, he probably tripped up and landed on it sometime when we were going through the woods." Brock smiled to himself. "We all know how clumsy he is."  
  
("It just seems a little odd that he's only scratched above the level of his shirt sleeve, but not further down. His clothes are all undamaged too.")  
  
"Hmmm, it's probably when he was off having a bath in a river. Slipped and caught his arm on the bank or something." Misty cast a sidelong glance at Brock, biting back a response. He sure would be curious if she adamantly said that he hadn't. She knew, of course, but saying so would bring a suspicious question from Brock or Pikachu, or both.  
  
("Okay, but let's ask him when he gets up.") Brock agreed with Pikachu, who then turned slowly to Misty, eyes moist.. ("Misty, I heard what you said, but I promise you that you haven't betrayed Ash. He just didn't know how to say it, so you said it for him. Please don't think you've done wrong.") Misty sighed, but then nodded.  
  
"Thanks Pikachu." She slowly got to her feet, Brock following. Unrolling the sleeping bags, they both climbed into them, glad of their warmth and padding. Misty beckoned Pikachu over to her."Pikachu, promise me this. Try your best to find out more from Ash. If you get the chance, even look at his diary for a second. I need to know what is really wrong." Pikachu looked at her in shock for just a second, but nodded agreement. "Thanks Pikachu, goodnight to you."  
  
("Goodnight Misty.") As Pikachu scampered back over to the sleeping Ash, Misty gazed at him for a second before letting her head fall to her pillow. *You've done this to me once Ashton Satoshi Ketchum, but you won't do it again.*  
  
  
  
A scream. Where from? All is dark. Even sound seems unable to get through it. Except that scream…. Mom?! Are you in trouble? Running footsteps from behind, I turn to face them, I see nothing. A shout, another scream, I chase them blindly, sprinting in any direction. I hear running footsteps, closer now. My mother runs past me, then turns and looks past me, moments before she is assaulted by an unseen force. But in that brief second, I see the reflection of her attacker in my eyes.  
  
I see…..me.  
  
  
  
"NO!" I scream, and sit bolt upright. Panting heavily, sweat dripping from my brow, I look around. Trees. Grass. Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Chikorita. More trees. A burnt out fire. More trees. Dark sky. The moon, stars. Yet it doesn't ease my anxiety one bit. I know, I still know that my mother has been…. I can't even say it to myself. It's too much to take. A sob escapes my lips, echoing into the once silent camp loud as thunder. I have to leave for a moment. I can't wake them up, they'll want to know the reason for my tears. I can't say. Not to anyone, even to Misty. How can you tell anyone that? I stand unsteadily, trying not to wake anyone. I reach down to my backpack, and pull out a drawing compass. I've always kept them as they're supposed to be useful for working out map distances, but they've been more use for another purpose. I walk into the trees, head bowed. Out of sight, out of mind. A moment of peace. I reach around, and pull off my T-shirt. Now here I am, just me and the trees, and my chest. I usually keep my chest covered, so no-one will see. Mist and I always bathe at night so she won't see either. Slowly, I place the compass point on my chest, so it just pierces the skin, and I drag it across, leaving a scratch across my torso. The pain is bittersweet relief. Here is a pain that I can control, I can inflict at will, a pain that can be seen, withstood. Pain from outside, not hidden torment, concealed and decietful, eating away from within. Pain of the past and present, the present reflecting the past with horrific certainty. Do I want to see my mother while she still lives? To see her knowing what we both know? How to articulate such things that cannot be spoken, but if she were to die…. A soft sob passes my lips, and I place the compass once again on the very top of my chest, and pull it down, just scratching the skin, enough to distract form the thoughts running through my head. A cross on my chest, across my heart, as a cross I bear from the moment I came into existence. A louder sob escapes my mouth, and I kneel down on the dew-covered mossy floor and run the point across the top of my left arm. It feels good, like pressure is being released, the inward pressure released by puncturing my skin. I sigh, brushing away a tear, and place the compass to my arm again. I press down slightly, and begin drawing it down, letting a few drops of blood wash away my sorrows……  
  
("My god! Ash! NO! What are you doing to yourself?!") I turn to see Chikorita, aghast, staring at my arms and chest. My chest, illuminated by moonlight, bearing witness to the times I'd done this before in the past and present, and arms layered by a network of scars. I'd first found this way to relive stress when I'd accidentally cut myself on the night before the Indigo league, and had done it now and then whenever I felt really worried, scared or pressurised. But now Chikorita could see the scratches, the few with tiny smears of blood running from them, and the compass laying guilty in my hands. I opened my mouth, for a denial, an excuse, an admission, a cry for help….I don't know, but all which emerged was a strangled sob.  
  
("Ash? Please stop this!") Chikorita hurried to my side, and took the compass form my now unresisting grip. I slumped down onto my haunches, and then into a sitiing position, still unable to make a sound, just smothered by shock that someone now knew what I was doing. ("Ash, why? Why are you doing this to yourself?") Chikorita asked me, still unable to fathom what she'd just seen her trainer do. I just shook my head, still staring into infinity. ("Ash, I need to know, else I'll have to bring Misty, Brock and the rest down here to find out.") I still couldn't respond, so she shrugged sadly and hurried off back to the camp. I still sat there, unmoving. Blank. They would know, I couldn't stop that. They'd ask questions. How would I answer them? I couldn't tell them why. Not yet, I need to work it out with myself first.  
  
  
  
("Everyone wake up! EVERYONE!") Chikorita screamed, running into the clearing we slept in. I reached for my watch. Quarter-past four in the morning. What was the fuss about?  
  
("ASH! Ash has been….") Ash?! I shot up instantly as Brock and Pikachu raised themselves from their sleeping bags and looked around dizzily.]  
  
"Ash has been what?" I asked, feeling fer flood it's way into my stomach.  
  
("He's been….cutting himself with this.") Chikorita let out her vine whip fully, placing an object in my hand. A compass?!  
  
"He was cutting himself with a compass!" I gasped, feling my knees go weak.  
  
"A compass! Oh, oh bloody hell!" Brock was instantly on his feet beside me, looking at the object with concern.  
  
("Yes. He's got other scars, but a lot are looking new, they haven't even closed up yet.") Chikorita's red eyes filled with concern. ("I'll take you to him.")  
  
"Pikachu, get Cindaquill out and light a fire. We'll go get him." Brock yelled. Pikachu looked worried, but complied, as I dashed into the woods following Chikorita and Brock.  
  
  
  
The moonlight provided a faint, silvery illumination, enough for the three reaching Ash to see the extent of his scars. Several crusting scratches covered the top of his arms and shoulders, and freshly dug wounds formed a cross on his body and lines along his arms. A few indistinct lines crossed his arms, remenants of both adventures and self-destruction past. Ash just stayed fixed to the spot, frozen in place as Brock took a closer look at his injuries. Misty hung back, distressed by the scene present in front of her, hands over her mouth and tears in her eyes, Chikorita gently rubbing her legs with her vines. Misty had completely blown off when she'd set eyes on him, and Chikorita had to use some sweet scent and her vines to calm her down. After a few minutes the length of decades passed, Brock straightened up.  
  
"He's okay physically, but I'm really worried about his mental state…." Misty stumbled over, and nearly tripped beside Ash but caught herself. Crouching down to bring herself closer to Ash, she gazed into his face.  
  
"Ash, why have you done this?" That voice was enough to penetrate the thick fog which had surrounded his mind, the shock of the dream, being discovered.  
  
"M-Mist….oh." He lapsed back into silence. Misty shuffled around to be face to face with him, and sat down. Staring into his chocolate eyes, it almost seemed as if the shutters were down, that he wasn't even conscious. But somewhere, deeply buried, she caught a flash of true bitterness, fury, anxiety. *This is a big problem, something so big that he's unable to come to terms with it.*  
  
"Ash, come on. You can tell me anything you know that." Still seeing minimal response, she tried another tactic. "Ash, you're not helping by keeping all this inside. Tell me why!" At this Ash raised his head slightly, and for the first time met her gaze.  
  
"Have you ever felt that you seemed to have a thing so huge inside you that you feel you're going to explode? Like a giant balloon which has been streched too far? I'm just puncturing the balloon, it lets some of the pressure free." He said this matter-of-factly, as if it were the truth not merely a metaphor.  
  
"Ash, we need to know what is making you do this. Notwhat cutting yourself does, but why you have cut yourself." Again the curtain behind his eyes dropped.  
  
"I can't say."  
  
"Don't you realise we're here to help?" Brock chided him gently.  
  
"C'mon, you need to share this with us." Misty nudged.  
  
"I can't. I haven't made my mind up yet."  
  
("We want you to come round. You can't stay like this forever.")  
  
"Ash, we know it's about your mother. What is it?" Ash clenched his fists, and beat the earth.  
  
"Isn't it enough that she may be dying? I might not get to say anything to her? EVER AGAIN?!"  
  
"Ash, all of us here have been through this. Brock's mother, my parents, Chikorita's brothers. This isn't possible bereavement, it's anger." Misty slowly waited for her words to sink in, and continued. "She knows you love her, and that's all that matters. I know you want to, but why should you need to speak to her again?"  
  
"Wouldn't you want to tell her something if they might br the last words she hears?" Ash responded, anger growing strong once again. "I've got something I need to say. An apology. An apology that none of you could even dream of needing to say. An apology for ever being here." A solitary tear rolled down Ash's cheek, expressing sadness a thousand words could not say.  
  
"Ever being here?" Misty repeated the words and looked around at Brock and Chikorita, who both looked completely noneplussed. She looked back at Ash. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"I really can't say Mist. But it's come round to her again, and I couldn't stop it. I should've been there for her…." Ash suddenly exploded into floods of tears. The other three looked between each other in shock. Brock looked back down at Ash who still wept, lying prone on the floor. *But wasn't it an accident? How could he be there for her if it was an accident? And what did he mean by apologising for ever being here?* Crouching down, he put an arm around Ash.  
  
"It's okay buddy. C'mon, let's get back to camp to work this out." Slowly, with Chikorita and Misty's help, he picked Ash up, and carefully carried him back to the campsite.  
  
  
  
Cindaquil's flames lit, and she fired a wall of flame over a hastily collected pile of twigs which caught alight in an instant. She walked over to the welcome heat, and curled up by the base of the fire.  
  
("Thanks Cindaquill!") Pikachu called to her.  
  
"Cinda-queeeel!" (No problem!) She called back, and rested her head on one of her front legs. Pikachu turned back to Ash's bag, and took a deep breath. *Sorry Ash, but I have to find out why you can't tell us. Please don't think badly of me.* She leafed backwards through the empty pages of the diary, and then came to the current date – where there was nothing. Pikachu stared stupidly at the blank page for a moment, before coming to her senses. *Ash hasn't written anything. I don't know the last time he didn't write anything.* hastily, she leafed through some of the past days, looking for anything which looked odd. He eventually came upon the entry from the day after they'd left Janerio town, around a month ago. She stopped flicking through, and started reading.  
  
  
  
"I can't believe the last few days. Chikorita nearly died of alcoholic poisoning, I found out the truth about Misty's parents, Brock won a bet we didn't even know he had, and Misty and I finally got together. I feel like I've waited too long already.  
  
It was also amazing what we did that night. After tying Brock up for a little revenge of our own, we went off in the dark that night, and shared a bath in the river under the moonlight. It was romantic, but also fun. Maybe I didn't think that the two ever met, guess I was wrong! We shared a kiss, and came back to camp talking about how life had changed, and now I wouldn't change it for the world!" *Ash and Misty sharing a bath together? I think a few people around here would like to know this! But then again, Ash would find out it was me and know there is only one way I could've found out….he'd have me court-marshalled for that.* She sighed. *Why is good gossip always traceable?*  
  
"There is one thing, I can't help feeling some guilt. Misty thinks that she knows me inside out, but there is one thing I still can't tell her. But how can you say to someone…." Pikachu's reading came to an abrupt halt as noises signified the approach of the rest of the group. She hurriedly stuffed the diary back into his bag, and ran back over to the fire, vowing to finish reading the entry sometime soon. *I was so close to knowing something then, damn!* The trio who had set out minutes earlier crashed through the final shrubs, Brock carrying a limp-looking Ash, and set themselves down by the fire. Pikachu gave a faint "Pika!" at Ash's cut chest and arms, and ran over to nuzzle him. Chikorita sat on his other side, rubbing his ribs. Pikachu looked up and saw Brock studying Ash's face with some concern, and Misty….Misty seemed to be caught in a crossfire. Fear for Ash's safety, despair for his sadness, and a lot of anger. Anger for being so stubborn, unwilling to let her in on his secrets. *If I know Misty, there's only one outcome. We'd better get to her before she goes bang at Ash, or any of us.* She looked back at Brock, who seemed better balanced to answer her question, and said "What's happened?"  
  
"Erm, Ash has a few things on his mind, and he says he cuts himself to let the pressure out, or something bizzare like that." Brock, slightly cynical, was unable to keep the doubt out of his voice. However, it did work in one way.  
  
"You have no idea! How can you say that! It helps, else you might find me swinging from a tree by daylight!" Ash screamed, fingers digging into his palms. Brock took a hasty step back, unnerved by the pure hostility which eminated.  
  
"Ash! Don't scream like that! Brock didn't do anything to you!" Misty retorted, feeling her pent up frustration begin to boil for the first time in weeks.  
  
"Didn't he? You think I do this for fun?!" Ash gestured to his arms. "I do this to let out my frustrations, my guilt, and It feels like I'm being ridiculed! Well if you think I'm weird or that I'm being stupid, fine! I didn't ask you to find out!"  
  
"We needed to find out! You could have really hurt yourself!" Ash's head drooped.  
  
"I knew you wouldn't understand. That's the point, you see?"  
  
"What's the point?" Misty's wave of temper suddenly broke at the change of Ash's words, and she looked on in confusion.  
  
"The point is – is that this pain, this suffering I can control." Ash's eyes closed as everyone else's opened wide.  
  
("What do you mean this suffering?") Pikachu probed.  
  
"….It's a distraction."  
  
("A distraction from what?") Chikorita asked, red eyes showing confusion.  
  
"From my other pain."  
  
"What? Are you ill?" Brock asked in concern.  
  
"No."  
  
"Injured?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Is it what's worrying you?" Misty reached out and stroked Ash's cheek, trying to evoke an answer.  
  
"….Yes." Ash's eyes still lay closed.  
  
"Something that hurts you more than physical pain?!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is it to do with your mother?" Misty turned her attentions to his bedraggled hair.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What?" Ash's eyes slowly opened, filled with water.  
  
"I-I can't say Mist."  
  
"What is so bad that you can't tell me?" Misty caressed his face, trying to ease the truth from him.  
  
"If you knew….you wouldn't be able to say either." Ash felt his resolve creaking under the pressure, but vowed to himself that if it broke he'd not give them anything to learn from.  
  
"But Ash – Why?"  
  
"Please, don't ask. I don't even know what to do myself, so please just let it be…." Sensing his need, Misty leaned forward and took him in her arms.  
  
"C'mon Ash. I'll wait, just calm down. Please?" Ash nodded, shedding silent tears into her shoulder. *I feel like I'm five again, just sitting here sobbing into someone's arms. But it'll never be the same, since those arms will never be able to greet me again.* he pulled away, trying to control his emotions. He looked around at evryone who was watching him, at Pikachu whose dark eyes gazed at him with deep concern, Cindaquill watching silent by the fire, at Brock, still stood back but with worry written on his face, Chikorita, her eyes glazed with tears, and finally at Misty, who seemed to be willing him to tell her his secret by just being with him. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and nodded his assent. Gradually, Pikachu and Brock moved back to their sleeping places, Cindaquill extinguishing her flames and walking to near Brocks bag, and after gaining his permission, climbing into it. Chikorita and Misty didn't move an inch, just sat by Ash and stared at the fire until it fell to glowing embers, when they fell asleep still leaning on him. Ash just sat, thinking. Of the future, and the past, and their terrible link….  
  
  
  
"The next pokemon centre is up ahead!" Brock shouted to the rest of the group. Mid-afternoon, and they were starting to be affected by the events of the past night. Misty's feet dragged, her eyes cast downwards. Chikorita seemed to be walking out of pure determination, and Pikachu took advantage of the opportunity to sleep on Ash's shoulder. Ash himself, well, Brock had seen dodgy films with zombies in them, but after seeing him walking all day, he'd decided that maybe they weren't so ridiculous after all. The news of an upcoming pokemon centre didn't even change his expression. *He'd probably walk 'til he drops. Tonight though, he isn't getting any time to himself. I don't want him waking up and dragging a pin across his arm again.* Unbeknownst to him, Ash was hatching a plan, involving a past face, who perhaps felt she owed him a favour. *Maybe she can help me. She should be able to do it, and if she can't her pokemon can. I need to contact her sometime tonight, well, with the dreams I've been having, it's not exactly likely I'll have trouble waking up.* The doors of the pokemon centre whirred open, ushering them inside. They walked into the cool pink-floored room, and wandered over to the desk, behind which a nurse Joy sat talking to a trainer. An all too familiar trainer. As Misty drew her mallet and totalled Brock before he could even make a move towards Joy, the young man in the blue top slowly turned around, and flashed them a smile.  
  
"Thought I'd heard you come in. Mind you, I probably could've heard you from a mile away." Misty hefted her mallet once again, Ash's story of his past with Gary still echoing fresh in her mind, while Chikorita's eyes narrowed. Gary, however, first looked over Ash, noting his hanging head, arms limp by his sides, only standing by willpower, and a hint of concern entered his mind.  
  
"Hey Ash, still working at becoming the biggest loser Pallet has ever created?" Misty and Chikorita both growled, but Ash seemed oblivious. Gary blinked slowly as what had just happened passed through his mind. *I gave him a taunt which would otherwise have him screaming his head off at me, but he didn't seem to hear at all!* "Hey, Ash, you hearing me?" He asked with a loss of his usual scathing tone, and walked over to pat him on the shoulder. Concern turned to perplexion as Ash flinched. *It wasn't trying to evade me, it seemed more like, like that hurt.* he turned to Misty, who was still scowling at him. "What's the matter with Ashy boy?"  
  
"Why should you care?" She growled back at him.  
  
"Geez, just being friendly, that's all!"  
  
"What, like before you rejected him as a loser?!" Misty hissed back, filled with venom.  
  
"Wha?" Gary stumbled, taken aback.  
  
"I know what you did! Did to him!" Misty seethed, pacing towards him, predator-like.  
  
"CHI-KA!" ("Dead right!") Chikorita added with vehemence.  
  
"What I did? I didn't…"  
  
"He's been haunted by you for years, just because you resented him!"  
  
"Resented? Ash? Why should I?"  
  
"Resented his success, just because you were too lazy to work, slave like he did!"  
  
"Um, Misty, what are you talking about?" Gary uttered, back to the Pokecentre wall.  
  
"I'm talking about when you slagged Ash off, then had the cheek to hit him and blame your faliure on his luck!" Misty yelled, face inches from Gary's, fist waving beneath his chin.  
  
"Oh, oh that…." Gary's eyes swivelled to Ash. "He told you that?"  
  
"It's what's been tormenting him for years!"  
  
"Uh, maybe it's done something, but I wouldn't say that's all that he's been scarred by." Gary saw Ash's head come up, eyes wide, face pale.  
  
"What? What do you know?!" Misty pressed up against him, aqua eyes burning.  
  
"Chik-ka, chiko-rrrita!" ("Yeah, tell us now!")  
  
"Well…."  
  
"TELL US!!"  
  
"Misty! Chikorita! That's enough!!" Ash screamed, the first sound he'd made for hours. Misty backed away, and shot a glance at Ash, before turning white in shock. Chikorita's head drooped as she saw his expression, and she backed away. "I'm sorry Gary, but I had to tell Misty this, it explains…a lot of things." Ash said, walking over to him and patting his arm. Dropping his voice, he moved close to his ear, and whispered. Gary frowned, but then agreed.  
  
"What? What are you telling him?!" Misty felt the flames of anger raise again, but only to be quenched by the burning tower of ice in Ash's eyes.  
  
"Misty, Chikorita, how low can you go? I know not knowing something can itch, but I hoped you'd respect it. But you stoop to threatening people I know to get the answers! How can you do that? Don't you have the courtesy to me and Gary to not go behind our backs about something like this! I'm really angry, no, disgusted that you'd do such a thing! What next, bribery? Blackmail, tapping into phone conversations? Do you want my life to be a completely open book for you to read at your leisure and shut when there's nothing interesting being written? I'm sorry, but that can't and won't happen! Can't you both just LET IT BE!!" The entire centre echoed with his last words as several other people and pokemon looked on in shock at the scene. Misty and Ash locked eyes, and stared at each other, each too stubborn to back down without a fight. But the burning rage in Ash's face won, and Misty dropped her gaze. "Misty, you know that when I'm ready, you will be the very first to know. But I'm disappointed. I can't be angry at you for long, but remember what I said." At that, Ash walked back to Gary.  
  
"Ash, um, what's the problem?" He asked, brushing stray hairs from his face.  
  
"Could we go somewhere quieter?" they went over to a pair of chairs in the corner, and sat down. Misty and Chikorita gaped at each other, and then at the quiet pairing. Well, the briefly quiet pairing.  
  
"WHAT! When? Oh no, Ash, this can't have happened! Not AGAIN!" Gary jumped up from the seat, face frozen in shock, as for the second time the entire centre stopped dead. Ash looked up at him, with red-rimmed eyes.  
  
"Well think what I'm feeling right now."  
  
"Yeah, oh jeez I'm sorry man! It sickens me…." Misty strained to hear any more of the conversation, but the conversation had dropped to a murmur, punctuated only by an occasional deep breath from Ash, or a gasp. I looked down at Chikorita, while she looked back up at me.  
  
"Get a room?"  
  
("Yeah, let's go for it.") The two of us walked over to the desk to check in, while Brock still watched joy-faced birds orbit his head.  
  
  
  
Why would he tell Gary? Not me? Whatever it is, he thinks he can tell him before me. That makes me so….pissed off? Upset? Maybe both. I stare at my reflection, red hair around my shoulders in the way Ash told me it looks best, but tangled and messy. A little like myself with Ash today. Well, maybe it was a little snide trying to wring it out of Gary, but I didn't even realise I was doing it, I was so furious with him. I sigh, taking off my top and shorts. I mean, what is so terrible that he can't tell me? God, I feel like I've asked myself nothing else for the last day or so! I move into the bathroom, take off my underwear, and step into the shower. Ah, the water never fails to cool me off, relax me. This is heaven, almost as good as the first night Ash and me took a bath in the river, the night after we'd admitted our shared desires. I reach for the shampoo, work it into my hair, creating a rich lather. Maybe it wasn't so hot, and I didn't have soap, but I'd felt cleaner than ever before. I remember realising the way that night, and that act showed me the trust we share, the bond linking us, how we were both naked to each other in mind as well as body. But now, now there's something in the way? Was all he said and done a lie? I turn, and wash the lather from my hair. No. that isn't Ash, he always fulfulls his promises, and doesn't lie unless he really must. But again, that asks the question as to what is so bad he needs to conceal it? I shut off the water, and wrap myself in towels. It's something from back before his journey. Something from his distant past which Gary already knows. But how does that relate to his mother? Oh, I give up! I sit down on the end of the bed, and begin the rather lengthy process of drying my long hair. Chikorita hops up beside me, lassoes a towel, and starts giving me a hand, no, a vine.  
  
"Chikorita, do you ever feel like a growlithe chasing its' tail?" Chikorita think for a moment before the proverb catches.  
  
("I do right now. You feel like that too?")  
  
"Yeah." I start work on the top of my head, while Chikorita wrings out the water from the back.  
  
("I do know one thing, and that is that Ash wouldn't deceive us. It must be something we would never know if it hadn't come up.") She stated matter-of- factly, delicately using the leaf atop her head to cut off a few split ends.  
  
"You're right. But it is grating at me. I suppose we should let him tell us in his own time and way."  
  
("I think it's the only thing we can do…But Ash's cutting is something I don't yet understand.") She continued, worry pawing at her.  
  
"Neither do I. Self-mutilation *heh, looked it up in a pokemon psychology book* is said to be a way of proving control, but I don't really see why."  
  
("Maybe you need to be in his position to find out.") Chikorita reasoned.  
  
"Yeah, maybe. I just wish he could explain…"  
  
  
  
I wish I could explain, really, why I do this. What I said last night means something, but it doesn't tell the whole story. Perhaps if I could put it all into words, and write a poem or a song or a letter expressing it, maybe I wouldn't need to. There's a difference from before, an element of self- revulsion, never present on the rare occasions before when I did this. I drag the safety pin across my chest again, letting my neuroses flow through the medium of blood. It feels good, as if I can express myself physically rather than emotionally. I don't attack people, well I try my very best not to, and I try to not take it out verbally at anyone, human or pokemon. Besides, I don't want their pity. I'm not worth it. A stain like me shouldn't be treated in such a way. I dig the pin in a little deeper, enough to tear the skin a little more. The blood flows more freely, the pain bites a little more, but I don't care, it detracts from the pain within. I turn the shower I stand in on, and scrape myself a little more, allowing the evidence to drain away. This is self-control. Being able to control what happens to you, not letting the finger of fate define you. Fate dealt from the bottom of the pack when she handed out my cards. But at least I can show her this two fingered salute, locked in the bathroom, she can't interfere. I jump as a banging rebounds around the room.  
  
"Ash, c'mon! You've been in there for a while, it's time you came out!" Brock's voice permeates my haze, brings the world into sharp focus. I smile bitterly, and send fate a mental curse. I guess I was wrong about her being unable to interfere.  
  
"Uh, okay, gimmie a minute!" I hurriedly dry myself off and put tissue on my wounds, then slip into my pyjamas. I give off a smile as I open the door, a smile which he frowns straight through. He moves slowly into the room, like an executioner preparing the axe. He prods around the shower, then turns and looks at the peach towels, peach stained with red streaks. Am I an idiot or what? So much for concealing the evidence. He turns back to me, and glares.  
  
"Off with the top." Knowing the futility of argument, I slip it off. He gasps at the criss-cross of red scratches, and then his eyes fix on a particularly deep gash running along my upper arm. "This needs treatment, come with me." I follow him meekly until he stops, and opens a box, containing bandages, antiseptic cream, plasters….I slowly back off, until I stand with my back to the door. Brock finds something, gets up holding a bottle, and looks confused at my actions. "Come here Ash, unless I treat it it'll never heal properly!"  
  
"I-I don't want it to." I shake my head frantically, damp hair obscuring my vision, fists unknowingly clenching.  
  
"Don't want it to?"  
  
"No. I want it to stay there, marking my body 'til I die."  
  
"Why do you say these terrible things?" He looks at me as if I'm crazy.  
  
"It'll mark me for what I am."  
  
"What you are?" the bottle hangs in his hand, forgotten.  
  
"Yes, a scar myself."  
  
"A…scar? Ash, are you crazy?" There. He's said it, what I've seen from his manner for the last day, he thinks I'm a headcase.  
  
"No, I'm not crazy. I'm a scar from the past, a scar which has been re- opened." I clasp my arm, covering the deep gash. "It's no more than I deserve." Brock backs away now, and I inwardly smirk at his obvious confusion. He doesn't get it, well, I guess he shouldn't. I just want to be left alone, and if the only way is by scaring off a good friend for a while, so be it. He puts the stuff away, brushes past me without a word, and opens the door, leaving the room. I sigh, and rest my back against the door, sliding slowly down it. I'm alone at last, for a short while at least.  
  
  
  
Dark, I can hear her scream again, she's trying to escape, but no. She trips and falls, and I can see my face, my face a scar on her heart….  
  
  
  
I awake, as last night, sweat streaming into my eyes. Getting used to the dark, I look around. Everyone is breathing silently, except Gary, who snores. It was my idea to share the room with him, at least someone I can share this with, but now it's time. I've already written a note to explain what I'm doing so they won't think I've gone and jumped off a cliff, and they know how to get there fairly soon. But I can't wait any longer. Half past five, she might be up, I think the sun rises earlier in Indigo. I cautiously open and close the door, and tiptoe to the nearest videophone. I diall the number, and after a dozen rings, she appears in the picture, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, black hair a mess.  
  
"Hello, who is it calling at this godforsaken hour?"  
  
"Uh, sorry about this, but it's Ash Ketchum."  
  
"Ash?!"  
  
  
  
Hope you like it so far, don't forget to R&R! I'm already working away at part 2, which should be ready in the next few weeks. See you soon! 


	2. Reflection of disgust

Okay! My second part is now complete! It's a bit weird that my first chapter ended up on the second page in under 24 hours, but there you go. I hope those of you who did read it enjoyed it, the few reviewers I've had seemed to at least. Oh, and by the way, I think I remember this girl's hair being black, but don't go mad if it wasn't!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own ant of the characters in this or any other part of Scar tissue, they are the property of Nintendo, 4 kids and various others I can't remember at the moment. So please don't sue!  
  
So then, please Read and review! (Tries the kicked puppy look.) Please?!  
  
Scar Tissue, Part II  
  
"Ash!" Sabrina smiled. "It's been a while!"  
  
"Uh, hi Sabrina, how have you been?" I stammer slightly, fatigue tapping on my shoulder.  
  
"I've been fine, but I don't think you've woken me up at this godforsaken hour to ask after my well being." Well, she's as calculating as ever, but at least this time she's not calculating how to play with an Ash doll….I hope!  
  
"Yes, I need a favour. I need to be teleported to Pallet town as quickly as possible." She frowns slightly, but before she can speak I cut her off. "Look, I can't explain this in words. Try telepathy, it'll be quicker." She glares at me for speaking to her so abruptly, but complies, her eyes glowing gold. I feel a presence feeling through my mind, and as it fades, the glow in her eyes is replaced by shock.  
  
"Oh no, I can see why!"  
  
"Can you or your Kadabra teleport me to Pallet?" I push.  
  
"I can, but I'll have to bring you here first." Seeing my impatience, she sighs. "Look, if I teleport you from somewhere far away to somewhere else far away, there's a big error risk. It's much safer for me to bring you to me, then take you to Pallet." I just nod. "Okay, so close your eyes." I feel a cool wind breeze past, then a sensation of travelling without my moving, and then silence….  
  
"Okay, you can open your eyes now." Sabrina's voice cut through the quiet, and I opened my eyes to see her suppressing a fit of giggles. I glanced over her, dressed in a long blue dressing gown, long dark hair, a little taller and has filled out a bit, but she hasn't changed much. And it's nice to see her laugh, but why? Looking down over myself, I can see why. I didn't pick my travelling clothes with much foresight, more because I was going to bed the night before…."Awww, you're so cute!" Sabrina breaks into a fit of laughter, and for the first time for hours I feel myself relax and join in. Perhaps it's the knowledge I'm but miles from home, but I can't help falling into her pit of giggles. I suppose that I do look ridiculous.  
  
"Sabrina, this is what happens when a friend buys you your pyjamas….Brock bought it for a joke for my birthday, and two days later Pikachu and a nightmare combined to ruin my only other set. So here I am." Dressed in a full-length yellow and brown Pikachu-motif pyjama set, patterned just like a Pikachu, with a yellow and brown foam tail sticking out the back. Oh, and one more thing – Sabrina almost wets herself as I pull the yellow hood on the top over my head, resplendent with Pikachu ears, and pretend to thundershock her.  
  
"A-aaah, stop! I can't take it any more!" Sabrina slumps over again and screams with laughter as I do another spirited (and very good) imitation of Pikachu singing karaoke. (Pikachu is renowned as the worst karaoke singer we've ever met.) Eventually, after hitting her with a tail-whip (I suppose a real tail is more effective) we settle down. "Well, at least the teleportation high is wearing down." She adds, and sits on a sofa. "It's particularly high due to the long distance you had to travel. It'll be a while until we can travel to pallet. I can do it as much as I want over short distances, but anything over thirty miles and it gets tough." I see movement in the kitchen, and hear a kettle boiling. Her mother is up, making tea despite the fact it is quarter to six in the morning. I guess we must have woken her up. Although my mum used to get up early sometimes….I feel my fear wash back, and bite my lip. For a blissful while I'd forgotten. Sabrina, the psychic that she is, senses my change of mood.  
  
"Ash, there's no point in worrying. She'll be there when you get there, I know it." I don't question her, she knows better than I do. But it's hard to stop myself from pacing, or biting my nails, or adding more scars….  
  
  
  
I wake, to see rain hammering on the pane of the window. Lifting my head up, I look around the room. It's crowded, but it seems a little less so than last night. I take stock slowly, Brock is here on the other side of the bed, that egg is on the chest of drawers, Pikachu kipping on her back, Chikorita curled up next to her, Misty, and a big gap next to her where Ash should have been. I glance at my watch, almost seven in the morning. I've known Ash for a long time and he's never been much of an early riser. The stories I'd heard the last night once we'd come up to the room and found him asleep on a bed rushed into my mind. I hurriedly check the bathroom – empty. I scoot back into the main room, and tap Brock on the shoulder.  
  
"Christ Gary, it's still dark out. Go back to sleep will ya?" Brock mumbles, and turns over. Crouching closer to him, I shake him harder, and hiss in his ear.  
  
"Ash is gone!" That does it, he's up before I can blink.  
  
"Ash is gone?! He cranes over, looking past Misty, to see an empty patch of bed.  
  
"He's not in the bathroom either!"  
  
"I'll check round, see what he's taken." Brock creeps around, as I notice a piece of paper on the pillow next to Misty. "He's not taken his pokedex, pokeballs, or any clothes!" I hear Brock gasp, as I read it.  
  
"No, he's done something stupid." I hand the paper to Brock, who reads it aloud.  
  
"Hey guys, hope I haven't worried you. I couldn't wait to get to Pallet, so I'm getting Sabrina to teleport me there. I'll catch up to you once I've got this whole mess sorted out. Misty, don't worry about me, just give me a few weeks, and never forget I still love you.  
  
C'ya soon  
  
Ashton Satoshi Ketchum."  
  
"He's just gone like that?!" Brock muttered, aghast.  
  
"Believe me, if you were feeling what he is you'd cut all the corners you could." Brock looks poised to question me as to what I know, but a warning look makes him back down. He knows my stance, and that is what he can't get from Ash he won't get from me.  
  
"So, that idiot has been teleported to Pallet with no money, dressed in Pikachu pyjamas, and a short fuse. Great going Ash."  
  
"No, he'll have gone to Sabrina's first, she won't be able to take him straight to Pallet from here, the chance of error is too great. She'll need a little time to recuperate before she sends him to Pallet." Brock looks at me, mystified by my knowledge. "Hey, I may seem brash, but I've learned my stuff. I learnt that lesson back with Ash too." I start to throw clothes on, and move to the door. "You try to wake Misty, I'm going to call Celadon gym to find out if he's still there." I jog out of the room, and run down the stairs. If I'm lucky I might be able to get to him in time…"  
  
  
  
I finish explaining everything to Sabrina, including all the details (it's futile to hide them from a psychic, and I owe her the truth for all she's doing for me.) just as her mother comes in, carrying a tray.  
  
"Thanks Mrs…" I stumble, noting I don't even know her surname, let alone her first name.  
  
"It's my pleasure Ash, just call me Kathryn." She sets out the tray of tea and toast before Sabrina and me, and smiles. "Thanks Mrs. Kathryn!" I say, before tucking into a slice of toast and strawberry jam. She laughs at this, as I'd intended, and I smile back.  
  
"It's nothing, we still owe you big for getting our family back together." With that, a monstrous purple face appears in front of me, intent on scaring me out of my wits, but I only smile.  
  
"Hi haunter, nice to see you too." I say calmly, and he responds with a rather large lick to my face. Wiping away the wetness with my yellow sleeve, I set about finishing breakfast. As the last of the tea is drained, I feel Sabrina touch my arm.  
  
"It's time we were off." She gestures to me, and I agree, putting my cup down.  
  
"Why do you want to come anyhow?" I ask as we join hands in preparation for the dual teleport to Pallet.  
  
"I have skills which may come in useful. Like being the only one who can calm you down when you are in a state as bad as you were last night, and restore might be useful for you too." She nods at my arms, and I silently agree with her. I just hope Misty doesn't think she's replacing her as my anchor, but she can't have any idea how I feel or how to help at the moment. "So, where in Pallet?" Sabrina asks, snapping me out of my silent reverie.  
  
"Um, the front room of my house." I rattle off the address, and she nods. We link hands more tightly, and I feel the cool wind again, and the sensation of movement, then nothing…  
  
I open my eyes to see my old front room.  
  
  
  
Misty paced the floor, almost pulling her hair out. Gary took a step back, uncertain of what Misty could do in such a temper, and Brock took three back, fully knowing what she could do.  
  
"I swear, when I get my hands on you Ashton Satoshi Ketchum, I'm gonna tear you a new one!" Brock winced at the threat, knowing that Misty wasn't entirely joking. *It looks like Ash is going to end up with less manhood than the average man, perhaps he should change his name to Ashley in advance.* "Or I'll cut you a new one!" Misty made a vicious chopping motion with her hand, and Brock took another step back. *Yep, I think he's going to be a she by the time Misty's through with him!* Gary, however took a step forwards.  
  
"C'mon Misty, you know I told you he'd only just left Sabrina's house. If we hurry, we can get a bus tonight in Megam and be back in Pallet by tomorrow morning."  
  
"Why should we go back to Pallet?" Misty yelled, but Gary stood his ground.  
  
"C'mon Misty, were you ever going to do anything else? I'd be worried if you were." Misty fell silent, defeated by Gary's logic. Eventually, she gave up, and sat on the bed.  
  
"I just wish he'd taken me, or at least told me first." She sighed, anger draining away.  
  
"I know if he could have it any other way, he would. But he needs time by himself, at least today, as there's things he needs to talk to Deliah about." Gary bent down to Misty's level, and raised her chin. "C'mon now Misty, head up. Ash is only a day away." Pikachu and Chikorita looked at Gary with new respect. He'd managed to do what only Ash could do for the last few weeks, and few before him, which was get Misty out of a rage. The two of them had not said a word since they'd awoken, just trying to get to grips with what had happened, but now the two of them ran over to Gary. Pikachu jumped on the bed and held out a paw as Chikorita extended a vine. Gary unhesitatingly held out a hand, and the three of them shook. Turning away, Brock began packing up the bags with Gary and Chikorita, as Pikachu and Misty just sat on the blue bedspread, staring into space, their minds in Pallet town.  
  
  
  
Ash stared for a second out of the window in his bedroom, just out of the shower. The view, it was so familiar, like slipping a hand back into a glove. The pattern of hills, the roses in the garden lining a neatly cut lawn, Mimey must be doing his chores as usual. He let the towel slip off him, and walked over to his drawers, pulling out a set of boxers. Holding them he turned around….and jumped out of his skin. Sabrina was stood inside the doorway, staring at him for the barest moment before she became aware he had seen her, when her eyes flicked up to meet his. He hurriedly stepped into his shorts and pulled them on, before glaring at her.  
  
"Haven't you ever heard of privacy?" He growled, trying to shake off the blush creeping up from his feet.  
  
"You didn't shut the door." Sabrina answered, a sardonic smile on her lips.  
  
"Didn't mean that you could come on in and take a mental photo!" Ash mumbled back, cheeks rapidly reddening.  
  
"I was taking a look…at your shoulders and chest, to see how they were. I think I see a few fresh marks there."  
  
"Hmmmm." *I've never known her to pause and think while she's speaking. That's kind of odd.* Ash studied Sabrina again. "I'd take it nicely if you didn't do this again though. Misty's the only one who…." Ash topped, aware he'd let a very sensitive piece of information spill out. As usual, Sabrina didn't miss.  
  
"Has seen you naked? Hmmm, maybe you two are getting serious!" she cocked an eyebrow, and Ash blushed even redder at her suggestion.  
  
"That's why I never let anyone know, you're just jumping to the wrong conclusions! Look into my mind for proof if you have to!"  
  
"Nah, of course I believe you Ash." Sabrina rested her shoulder against the doorframe. "And if you're getting bashful, forget it. Being psychic means I can see into any room I want whenever I want."  
  
"Uh, even the shower?" Ash muttered, now blushing scarlet.  
  
"Yes. Even the shower. But why should you worry about me seeing your body? I see your mind, your body is little different."  
  
"The difference is that, uh." Ash stopped, lost for words.  
  
"Exactly. Don't worry about me, this is an everyday occurrence. Sometimes I want to shut off my psychic abilities, but there you are."  
  
"J-just don't spy on me okay? If you were going to spy on me, I'd have taken the bus from Megam. Please?" Ash pleaded her with his eyes.  
  
"I don't like the way you say I'm spying, but okay, I'll try." Sabrina smiled at him, a little too much in his opinion. "I'll be downstairs, ready to go to the hospital when you are." She turned, and walked towards the stairs. As she put a foot on the second step, she looked over for a second. "Oh, and Ash, there's no need to overdress!" Chuckling to herself, she headed down the stairs. Ash blinked slowly for a moment, before turning to the dresser. *That was a little odd…*  
  
  
  
The hospital, a few miles out of town, on the outskirts of Vermilion city was just like all the other hospitals Ash had known – warm yet cold, strongly smelling of bleach and antiseptic, but the entire place infused with a scentless but deep soup-like aroma of suffering and death, only permeated by the tincture of hope. The taste of hope which danced brightly on Ash mind as he waited with baited breath for the doctor to come out of her examination of his mother to tell him the progress. Slowly the door opened, and a tall woman, glasses perched in her nose came out. She looked down at her notes, then back up.  
  
"Mr. Ketchum? Ashton Ketchum?"  
  
"Yes." Ash croaked, his throat dry. The doctor looked into his eyes, and the professional demeanour broke to be replaced by a small smile.  
  
"Your mother is out of danger."  
  
"Oh, thank god…" Ash sank back onto the seat, wiping away a tiny tear of relief at the news. Sabrina placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and looked back at the doctor.  
  
"What's the synopsis doctor?"  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"I'm Sabrina, a close friend of Ash." She rubbed his shoulder, and stared up at the doctor.  
  
"Well, she has a few facial injuries, but the dislocated rib we worried could have ruptured an artery has been moved back into place. She'll be fine, at least physically. But emotionally, this'll take a long time to get over."  
  
"Tell me about it." Ash mumbled at the floor. The doctor looked down in puzzlement, but before she could ask more Sabrina came to Ash's rescue.  
  
"Can we see her?" She asked, drawing her attention from Ash.  
  
"Yes, of course." The doctor replied, looking from one to the other, and then continuing on her round. Sabrina stepped to the door of the side room, but was held back by Ash.  
  
"Please, Sabrina, I need to do this alone. Please?" Sabrina looked at him, and then nodded. Ash got slowly to his feet, and entered the room, drawing the door shut behind him. His eyes travelled up the lilac bedspread, up a turquoise hospital gown, slowly up a smooth neck, across the contours of a delightfully familiar face, complete with smiling lips, inwardly wincing with every mark, bruise and cut he encountered, until they met with a pair of smiling eyes. He took a deep breath, but all he could say was "…mom…."  
  
"Ash, I'm so glad you're here." Ash looked back into her face.  
  
"I didn't think you'd want to see me, I thought I'd bring up too many memories, remind you of your ordeal…." With that, Ash's eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Oh Ash, how could you say that! You're the best thing that ever happened to me…."  
  
"But also the worst..(hic)..I didn't think you'd want to see my face ever again, (sniff) but I needed so badly to see yours, to apologise…" Ash broke down into silent tears, as Deliah leaned painfully forwards and drew Ash tightly to her.  
  
"Ash, you should never say that. You know what you mean to me is everything positive in life, not that at all." She gently whispered in his ear, as she rocked him slowly back and forth, allowing her own silent tears to exorcise some of the memories which had returned in full force, paralysing her own mind with poisonous images. Outside the door, Sabrina sniffed quietly, wiping tears from her cheeks as the scene played in her psychic mind. *I never knew quite how powerful Ash's love is, how I'd love to find out…*  
  
  
  
Well, we're on our way! The bus pulling out onto the bright streets from the dimness of the depot, and I try relaxing back into my seat. Fat chance. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. I look down at Chikorita on my lap, and she looks back mirroring my sentiments perfectly. Since I'd got to know her language we'd got on like sisters, and we're as close as Ash and Pikachu once we'd settled her possessive streak towards my boyfriend. We both feel for Ash in a similar way and depth, and have similar temperaments, fiery and determined. If we'd both been human I dread to think what would have happened, Ash would still have chosen me I'm sure, I think that the clues over the years we've travelled together say it all, but Chikorita would have had little reason to give up the fight. But as it is, we can talk like best friends about anything.  
  
("Misty, what are you going to do when you get to Ash?") Chikorita looks up at me in that curious, head-cocked way she always has when asking sensitive questions, as if she's trying to approach the question at an angle.  
  
"I don't know. I'm split between falling into his arms, screaming at him until he tells me the truth, or malleting him to kingdom come." I grin ruefully at her, and she shares the grin. "I don't think I'll be able to let it lie though." I look out the window again as we left Megam behind, and head out into the darkness. "Wonder if he'll ever pluck up the courage to explain, or if he'll hide until I can't take it any more…" I murmur, almost to myself.  
  
("OH!") I spin around to see Pikachu, sitting with Gary and Brock, jump up in the air. So do Brock and Gary, although the fact that they were half- asleep when Pikachu shouted may have something to do with it.  
  
("What is it Pikachu?") Chikorita asks.  
  
("Ash's diary! It's here, in his bag!") She replies, gesturing to the overhead compartment. Brock, who understands Pikachu, looks concerned. Gary just looks bemused. I, on the other hand….  
  
"No. Leave it there." I feel the words come out of my mouth without even passing through my mind. Pikachu's mouth fell open.  
  
("What about what you said the other night? To look in-")  
  
"No. It's not right. I regret saying that and I'm glad that you didn't find anything." I look around the group on the almost empty bus, and drop my voice. "How would he feel if he found the people he trusts looked into his private diary and read his innermost thoughts against his will? Just think about that for a second!" A moment of silence, then Brock nods.  
  
"You're right Misty. He'd probably go berserk, or just run off. We might scare him away for life."  
  
"Ash will tell you all, he told me so." Gary stated. "He does need time, but he will tell you."  
  
("Yeah, we'll leave it alone.") Pikachu sighed, frustrated at how close she'd come to finding out.  
  
"Okay, let's get some sleep." I leant against the window, and tried to rest, but the constant stream of thoughts flitting through my head prevented it.  
  
("Misty, try this. Just breathe in.") I looked down to see Chikorita giving off a few wisps of sweet scent, and crouched over, inhaling deeply. Slowly, my eyelids drooped, and I fell asleep.  
  
  
  
Yes, Ash is having trouble sleeping. I'm not surprised, even at two in the morning I can feel the stormy conflict going on in his conscience. Perhaps I can help, and maybe even seduce him a little… So, I get up, and walk out of the guestroom of the Ketchum home, and knock softly on his door. I hear sniffling, then a rustling, and padding footsteps coming towards the door, a lock opened, and then the door silently swings away to reveal Ash, shadows under his eyes.  
  
"Yeah Sab?" I smile at that, it's nice to have a nickname. Sabrina, well, it's a bit of a pain I think. I'd prefer something a little more simple, but perhaps simple isn't suitable for me. The fact that it's Ash who's given it to me is the best part.  
  
"I can tell you're having trouble getting to sleep, perhaps you could do with a little assistance?"  
  
"Uh, well, okay. What can you do?"  
  
"Well, hypnosis can put you to sleep easily enough." I see Ash's eyes widen, he's a little apprehensive. I take his hand, and draw him back into the room. "Just lay down on the bed." He gets on and lays down.  
  
"Sab?" He begins timidly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Well, why don't you borrow my mother's dressing gown? You'll catch your death if you go around in your underwear the whole time." I smile down at him.  
  
"Thanks Ash, I just might. I haven't got any clothes here y'know."  
  
"Ummm, no problem. But why don't you teleport some here?" He's got a point, I concede. He's not as dopey as he at first seemed. I think for a moment, then reply.  
  
"It's tricky to move a lot of small or light objects at once, and very energy consuming to move them singularly, so it's not worth the effort. Besides, I'm quite comfortable like this."  
  
"To be honest, I'm not." He comes back, looking me in the eye.  
  
"Don't worry about it! If Misty is worried I'll tell her the truth, I didn't have time to bring any clothes with me." I have to admit, he's being very resistant to my attempted seductions, even if he hasn't caught on yet. Perhaps my crush can't be returned, Misty and him seem very close. But I'll keep trying…  
  
"Okay Sab, I guess it'll be fine. Could you try hypnosis then?"  
  
"Yes. Just look into my eyes." I concentrate for a few seconds, and when I'm finished he's fast asleep. I run my eyes over his body, taller now at over five and a half feet, and muscular. If only he wasn't taken…I walk over to the door, and turn back to study his sleeping form once more. After my past experiences from abusing my powers I won't try to drive a wedge between him and Misty, psychically or otherwise, but I suppose I could always be around in case the wheels come off. I turn around, and shut the door, and again wish that someone could hypnotise me to sleep….  
  
  
  
As dawn broke, a coach pulled into the small general station in Pallet. Gradually, the three remaining people on board, along with the three pokemon, step off the coach and stretch, easing out tension in their muscles, and necks stiff from a night of awkward sleeping.  
  
"It felt like we stopped at every station from Megam to Pallet!" Brock yawned, trying to massage some life into his legs.  
  
"To be honest, that's not far from the truth." Misty replied, trying to get her hair into some semblance of order. Eventually, she gave in and pulled out a hair band and put it up into its old style, sticking out on one side.  
  
"Yeah, and a few overly noisy passengers!" Gary moaned, eyes underlined with bags.  
  
"Really? I didn't notice!"  
  
("That's because once you'd inhaled my sweet scent you were out like a light.") Chikorita giggled, jogging on the spot to get her circulation back.  
  
("Wish you could have done that for us!") Pikachu grumbled, wriggling her tail.  
  
("You never asked.")  
  
("You never offered!")  
  
("I didn't know you wanted some, when I looked you were asleep!")  
  
("I was only dozing!")  
  
("So I'm supposed to stay awake all night just to make sure everyone else is getting some kip then?!")  
  
"Hey, easy people!" Brock imposed himself between the two warring pokemon. "This argument seems all too familiar!" As one, the three of them turned to look at Misty, who blushed before replying.  
  
"Now I know how you've felt for the last four years."  
  
"Wha? I don't get it!" Gary stuttered, nonplussed.  
  
"Gary, add two tons of fire, fifty decibels and a hundred pints of stubbornness, and you'd get what Ash and Misty have done almost continuously for the last forty-seven months. It's only been in the forty- eighth month that they've got together, but sometimes when they're being all lovey-dovey I'd still prefer the all out warring they used to do." Brock ducked as Misty's mallet flew through the area where his head was. "Easy tiger!"  
  
"Humph!" Misty stuck her nose up in the air, closed her eyes, and attempted to walk haughtily away. It would have worked if it were not for the lamppost three feet in front of her. The clang died away quickly, but the chorus of laughter took some time to settle down, but was settled by one irate girl, one mallet and multiple headaches. Eventually, the group began the short, half-hour walk to Ash's house, Misty out in front with Chikorita at her heels, followed by a still giggling Brock, a snickering Pikachu and a sniggering Gary.  
  
  
  
Ash slowly rubbed sleep out of his eyes, and looked across at the alarm clock. Eight twenty in the morning. The events of the last day slowly eased their way into his conscious mind. The sense of relief in seeing his mother again, the tight hug that he'd longed for, but the lingering knowledge that everything was far from resolved…and a deep pain lodged itself in his throat. *Even with the knowledge that mum is gonna live, I still wish I never have…* He walked slowly, clad only in shorts, to the bathroom. There, he shut and locked the door, and turned to the washbasin. Running water into the basin, he plunged his entire face into it, and drew it out again, rubbing off the wetness with a towel. He looked up, into the mirror suspended by a nail over the basin. An oval face, wavy long black hair, deep chocolate eyes, honest eyes looked back. *A mirror, a reflection of myself, no, an image. My true reflection is that of….the devil, a reflection of fear and hate, reflection of hate, of hate, hate of myself, hate of the world, hate for what I am, a reflection of evil, evil of man, man who can do such things without pity, evil, scum, anger at myself for who I am or what I am.* He reached for his hair, and pulled at it, as if trying to pull the very skin from his face to leave him faceless. *Dirty, so dirty, face tainted with blood, the blood spilt to create me, my very existence a humourless parody of deceit. Hands, claw like, talons which ripped flesh of the unwilling. My body, a temple to the unworthy, symbol of disgrace to the human race.* I look in disgust at my hands and arms, scars criss-crossing, resembling scales of a snake. *Eyes, enclosing the truth. Nails, tearing at beautiful skin. Destroyer of beauty, murderer of innocence!* I stare at my image once again, feeling pure fury flow, lava- like in my very veins. *Stain of evil! Scar of my mother! The devil's bastard son! The face of…of….*  
  
"RRRRAAAAGGGHHH!" Ash screamed, and threw both fists through the mirror. The glass shattered, falling in shimmering patterns around the room, some caressing openings in his flesh as they fell. He fell to the floor, consumed by anger, bitterness, blind fury. Slowly, he picked up a long, thin shard of glass, and drew it hard along his forearm, leaving a deep crevasse behind as the skin slowly opened up to display his muscles in all their glory.  
  
"Ash, are you in there? What's going on?!" Sabrina's voice echoed into the room. Uncaring, Ash moved to his shoulder, and drew the shard down again, leaving a long deep opening that oozed slowly.  
  
"Ash, I'm coming in!" Sabrina yelled, and used telekinesis to open the lock. Ash just closed his eyes, and focused on the pain, a pain that he created, not an agony he was part of, created by. An agony that could be seen, touched, healed. Just then the door crashed open, and Sabrina rushed in. Her eyes widened as she saw the state of his left arm, and she pulled him up roughly. "C'mon, you're coming downstairs! I can use recover on you there!" Ash, his mind drifting gently among the clouds, riding on the cushions of pain, didn't respond, so she carried him down and was passing the door as someone hammered on it. "Come back later, I'm busy!" She shouted.  
  
"Sabrina, I'm not going anywhere, let me in!" Came the reply. It was Misty.  
  
  
  
A scream echoed around the street. Misty, Chikorita and Pikachu quailed at the sound, as Brock and Gary scanned the area for whoever had made that noise. But Misty picked up a familiar tone in it, which she'd heard that night at the Janerio pokemon centre.  
  
"ASH!" She suddenly broke into a dead run, leaving the others in her dust.  
  
"Ash?!" Brock and the others started running after her, but then stopped at the sound of the smash. It emanated from an upstairs window, his upstairs window…Misty put her head down and kept running, now thirty yards ahead of the others and twenty from the house when she heard someone else. A girl, saying she would use recover – Sabrina! But if she was going to use recover…Misty found another gear, and charged into the garden and up to the front door as shadows came into view within the house. She hammered on the door, desperate to be heard.  
  
"Come back later! I'm busy!"  
  
""Sabrina, I'm not going anywhere, let me in!" As soon as the latch was raised, Misty flew through the door, and stood paralysed by the sight. Ash, laying in her arms without a word, even a blink or a twitch. His arm slit wide open, the pink muscle beginning to run red. Wordlessly, she helped Sabrina lever Ash onto the couch, and stood back as Sabrina knelt down and focused her energies to use recover on his arm. As her eyes began glowing, everything else paled into insignificance. The ticking of a clock softened, the noise of the others crashing through the door and gawking at what was happening barely perceptible. All that mattered was Ash and Sabrina. Slowly, Ash's arm began glowing yellow, which slowly paled to white. The light became more and more intense, but then vanished, leaving only an almost normal looking arm. There was no bleeding, no cuts, but a huge scar, almost an inch wide in parts and the palest white, almost as if a tapeworm had wound itself along the length of the arm. Sabrina slowly slumped down against the arm of the chair as Ash slowly sat up, looking at his arm in great confusion. Misty took her first breath in what seemed like centuries, and looked at Ash. He finally seemed to finish wondering about his arm, and looked across at Sabrina. Pieces clicked together, and he seemed to relax a little more, and take in his surroundings…  
  
"Misty?! What are you doing here?" Misty was taken aback by the slight lack of enthusiasm of the remark, but chose to ignore it.  
  
"Do you think I was going to sit around and wait in Johto for you? I couldn't leave you here to deal with yourself, I want to help!"  
  
"….You can't help."  
  
"Rubbish Ash, what are friends for?" Misty gestured to the doorway, where Brock, Gary, Pikachu and Chikorita stood, expressions varying from concern to astonishment.  
  
"No, no, no! I wanted you to continue the journey, so you didn't have to see me like this! Once I'd got my head sorted out, I would've been back!" Ash pulled at his hair, random thoughts spinning through his head.  
  
"But I don't care how you look, I'm your girlfriend! I want to stay with you through thick and thin."  
  
"She's right Ash." Brock chipped in in agreement.  
  
("How could you leave me behind?!") Pikachu scolded.  
  
"But it's nothing to do with you!" Ash wailed, panicking.  
  
"It is everything to do with us! We're you're friends!" Gary put in.  
  
"It isn't! It's not to do with any of you, only me! Me and my mother."  
  
"Ash, we're here whether you like it or not. Maybe if you could think of others once in a while you'd see that." Misty bit back, anger seeping out of her control.  
  
"I do think of others, that's why I hate myself."  
  
("Hate yourself?") Chikorita squeaked.  
  
"Yes! I'm the living scar of my own mother! The more I love her, the more I hate myself, and the more I wish people around me would go away so they wouldn't have to be associated with someone so twisted!" Ash slowly folded up into a ball, unable to speak.  
  
"Twisted? Ash, you're not making sense." Brock replied.  
  
"Right! Ash, stop making excuses and tell me what's wrong!" Misty fumed.  
  
"I'm what's wrong."  
  
"Stop bullshitting Ash! You're hiding something from me, and if you keep it up I'll make you wish you were never born! Hell, when you're being like this, sometimes I wish that too!" Misty screamed. The ensuing silence was deafening. It was only broken moments later by the swish of movement, the banging of stairs and the sound of a door shutting. It was then that Misty found herself being stared at by Gary and Sabrina in a way that made her feel like dissolving on the spot.  
  
("That was a little harsh, Misty.") Pikachu muttered, scratching her ear.  
  
"Yeah, Just a little harsh." Brock added, looking from Sabrina to Gary. They both were looking at Misty in the same way, like a jury at a convicted murderer. Eventually one of them spoke.  
  
"You just broke the camel's back." Gary intoned coldly, eyes like ice.  
  
"That was the most stupid thing I've ever heard anyone say." Sabrina remarked, with a look of steel.  
  
"What? What did I do?!" Misty looked around for a shred of comfort and found none, those that didn't know the whole reason had seen enough. "I didn't want to hurt him, but when he keeps secrets it just makes me so furious, that I can't control myself…" her three long-term companions, knowing the history, softened a little but the other two remained unmoved. Another long silence, through which a muffled weeping emanated. Eventually Gary spoke.  
  
"Whether you want to know what you've done to him or not, go up those stairs now. Go and apologise now, or there's the door. Walk away and never return, as he'll never want to see your face again." Misty took a deep breath, and just nodded. *It's time to stand up and be counted….*  
  
  
  
Each step a mountain with leaden feet, the climb seeming to take a lifetime yet at the same time but a few fleeting moments. Then the top of the stars, and there, the door. I pause at the entrance to the door, breathing deeply and listening. Only a few muffled sniffs now leak through the door along with the sound of someone entering the en-suite shower. Bracing myself, I try the door, and almost fall inwards as it swings freely to reveal an empty room. I turn, and looked at the shower room door. The water is turned on, and someone steps into the flow. Maybe I should come back later? No, it's now or never. I knock on the door.  
  
"Ash, can I come in?" No response. Taking another deep breath, I turn the handle and enter the shower room. I see Ash's face, red-rimmed and almost vacant eyes, now filling with shock, and my eyes travel down to his arms, and to his wrists, where I see one hand holding a thin shard of glass, poised on the other wrist ready to cut….  
  
  
  
"NO!" A scream breaks the haze that surrounds me, and I look up to see Misty staring at me in horror. I smile vaguely, secure in the knowledge that in a few minutes this will all be behind me. I press the glass a little harder, so it slits the surface, letting a few drops of blood wash away. Suddenly, Misty is beside me, eyes pleading with me. "Ash, don't do this! I don't know what's so bad to make you want to, but please think about it!" I frown, and cut a little deeper, just so that I'm poised to do it quickly. "Ash, don't! If you were to do this I think I'd have to join you, life means nothing to me without you any more…." A pang of guilt races into my head, and I falter, holding the smooth edge still. "Just tell me. Please? I'm so sorry that I said such disgraceful things, I really am. I never meant any of it…" The blade slips from my grasp, and shatters as I close my eyes, trying to withhold the rising tsunami of fears welling up in my soul. Misty steps into the shower beside me, and grasps my hands firmly. "Why? Why do this to yourself?" She gasps, ignoring the water streaming down her face and soaking her clothes. After a moment, I tie my swelling emotions down, and speak with the voice of a frightened child.  
  
"Because it's what I deserve." I feel myself being led out of the shower, and into my bedroom, warm carpet drenched beneath my wet feet, yet seeming so distant. I hear a rustling, and someone wiping me down with a towel, and then more rustling and the sound of someone else drying themselves off. Not that it matters, it seems like nothing matters any more. I feel a towel encircling my waist, and a hand leading me again. I open my eyes slowly, to see Misty, clad in my bathrobe, pulling me to the door of my bedroom. For some reason this makes me cringe, shy away. She turns, red hair flying around behind her, and looks me in the eye.  
  
"What is the problem Ash? Won't you come down?"  
  
"I don't want to see them. They wouldn't want to see me. You go down, I'll stay here." She studies me, and I feel the bitterness, the self-loathing rise its grotesque head again.  
  
"I'm not going to let you do this Ash." She tugs at my arm again, but I resist.  
  
"I'll stay in here until the sun sets for the last time if I need to."  
  
"Then I'm staying with you." She drops my arm, and walks over to sit on my bed.  
  
"Why should you do that? After what you said down there…."  
  
"You know by now that I don't mean what I say when I'm angry Ash!" She peers at me with smouldering eyes.  
  
"But you don't see. If you don't believe what you said, how will you understand why I agree with you?" I feel a solitary tear break through the dam and roll down my face, but I'm past caring.  
  
"You, you wish you were never born?" Misty's aqua eyes softened, and they looked up at me with confusion, but above all something I could never feel I deserved, love.  
  
"Yes." I closed my eyes again, willing myself to hold back.  
  
"Come on Ash, you need to tell me. It's eating you alive…"  
  
"I don't know if I can…" I squeaked, clenching my fists against the crimson tide of fire about to engulf me. Then, I felt something. Misty's fingers, caressing my cheek. The simple stroke of love, as potent as a million words, a thousand sonnets, a hundred portraits. I sagged down to the bed, and leant into her as she ran her hands across my scarred chest.  
  
"Ash, just tell me when you're ready." She runs her fingertips to my lips, running them along, seductive as perfume. I sigh deeply, swallow my tears, and nod. I'm ready as I ever will be.  
  
  
  
Yep, a little cliffhanger. I hope no-one flames me for it…  
  
Thanks to DigiDestined of Courage, twistedreality, Joy-girl and Deb for your reviews! They've made my week (Says it all about me at the moment I guess!). Don't forget to R&R, the next chapter will be ready in under a fortnight I guess. C'ya! 


	3. Truth hurts

Disclaimer: In this chapter, as in all others in Scar Tissue and Chiko- envy, all Characters are owned by the creators of Pokemon, Nintendo and 4kids,. I do not own any characters in this story.  
  
Okay! This is the 3rd instalment of this story. Thank you to all those reviewers, please do it again! They can really make my life worth living sometimes when the workload is biting hard. By the way, Digidestined of Courage, a fortnight is a period of 2 weeks. (this is out a little early, but that can't be a bad thing-can it?!) And Llyxius, I have read Circumstances of one's birth in the past, and I assure you I'm not copying it, but it was fabulous and I hope this piece turns out half as good as yours!  
  
Anyway, on with the show. Please R&R if you like the story or not, I promise I won't go the same route as Ash if I get a little constructive criticism!  
  
Scartissue – Part 3.  
  
  
  
"Misty?" Ash spoke hesitantly, as if afraid to even acknowledge her presence.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You know I told you that my mother was attacked? Well, she was. But she wasn't only attacked…" Ash turned away, his hands shaking.  
  
"Ash, what do you mean?" Misty asked, concern deep in her voice.  
  
"S-she was, she was..….raped….." Ash put his face in his hands, unable to say more, wishing he could scream, run, hide, die, anything to try and flee the torment. He got up, poised to fly away, but was held back by Misty's arms.  
  
"Ash, I can't say how sorry I am…." Ash noticed her aqua eyes begin to moisten, and sat down again.  
  
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have worried you like this, I should have kept it to myself, allowed it to bleed away…."  
  
"NO! Don't ever say that!" Misty flared up, eyes burning like a supernova. "I don't know why you believe that you're responsible, or you need to hide everything, but you don't. Please?"  
  
"Just, just let me wash my face, I need to think…" Ash pulled away and walked to the shower, from which came the sound of splashing water. After a few seconds, he returned and sat next to her, staring at his fingers.  
  
"Can I tell you a little tale? Just a little story that's been told which I think you'd like to hear." Misty brushed away his fringe from his eyes, and nodded, mystified as to why Ash would want to, but happy to hear him speak.  
  
"Okay Ash, I'm listening."  
  
"Well, back in the past, there was this little boy called Ash who lived in a happy little home with his mother. One day, six years ago, he went to school with his best friend like any other day, intent on spotting pokemon on the journey and having a good day, working hard as always. Later that day, he returned home, looking like he'd been crying." Ash leaned into Misty, and she could feel him trembling. Slowly, he took a breath, and continued. "Of course, his mother asked him what had been wrong. He sniffled, but told her that other kids from school had been taunting him. So she asked why, of course." Ash's breathing shuddered for a moment, and Misty felt him clench his hands to regain control.  
  
"Ash, if you can't tell me this story, don't worry. I'm sure it can wait." She said in a lilting tone, trying to calm him. It felt just like she was her father and Ash was her, a scared child searching for comfort and security.  
  
"No, it can't. If I don't tell you this tale now, I may never ever have the courage to tell you again, and I can't live with this knot in my gut, this noose around my neck." She heard a muffled sob, but her warm cooing seemed to have a hypnotic effect as he calmed down almost instantly. "Well, this boy said that the children had been calling him names, saying he was unwanted, his mother despised him and that his father was in jail. She took him in her arms, and shushed him, let him cry away his sadness." Ash seemed to be in a trance, as if the act of beginning was enough to make him finish, as a single snowflake may lead to an avalanche. "After they broke apart, and the boy had dried his eyes, he turned to his mother, and asked her if his daddy was in prison. She paused for a moment, as his eyes bored into hers. Then she said…yes." Misty listened, entranced. It took a few seconds to realise that Ash had stopped talking, face shiny with moisture. He sagged heavily on the bed, crouched down, shoulders hunched, and closed his brimming eyes, pale face clashing with bedraggled hair as ebony on ivory. He sniffed, and continued. "So he asked why, of course. And she took him in her arms, hugged him, and promised him to never doubt her love for him. Once he'd promised, she carried him to the settee and sat down, him on her lap. I'll always remember what she said.  
  
"Ash, you know that I love you. But you must understand that your father was a bad man. He hurt me. It was late one night, and I was walking home. A man came up to me in a car, a blue convertible. He asked me for directions to Viridian City. I leant in the window, and as I opened my mouth he drew…a gun." I looked up into her face and saw a thing you never want to see in your mother's face, stark naked fear. She wiped a tear from her eye as I held her tightly, trying to protect her as she did for me. She took a tissue from a box, and held it as she continued. "He pulled me into the back seat of the car, gagged me, drove into the woods and…..raped me." I remember the feeling as those words sunk in. it was like a gunshot, as if night had fallen in my very soul in a heartbeat, even at that young age. I remember the tears I cried, wishing I was never there, that my mother hadn't had to suffer memories of her ordeal every time she set eyes on me." Ash's voice cracked, and Misty realised her shoulder was growing slowly damp as Ash wept into it. Feeling her own eyes well up, she brushed away her own sadness for a moment. *Ash needs me to be strong. I have to be here for him….but how?* Ash slowly raised his head to see Misty deep in thought, and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. *She's seen it now. She can never love me. I'm just a symbol, a symbol of deceit, abuse, a rape in human form.* he took a deep gasping breath, attempting to calm himself, but it only added fuel to the scream tearing at his throat, a scream borne out of six years of self-loathing. "How can I love my mother, when she has to see vermin every time she sets eyes on her son? How can I accept her love when I was borne out of her anguish? How can I think of the future when it is tainted by my past?! I….just….can't….." Ash reached into the towel wrapped tight around his waist, and pulled out a long thin shard of mirror glass. Misty, her tears now flowing unrestrained, gaped as Ash stared into his reflection for a silent second.  
  
"A..Ash?" She reached for his arm, but let out a cry of anguish as he pulled away. He turned to face her, still looking into the mirror fragment. She felt blood drain from her face as his expression changed slowly to one of deep disgust.  
  
"You know Mist, it's a shame that this world had to be desecrated by something as disgusting as me." He spoke with deathly calm, in the very eye of the storm. "I've sometimes wondered whether to remove this cancer from the world, swim out to sea until I can swim no more, draw a cut so deep that my essence seeps away. But my pokemon's unconditional love, and you Mist, you helped me through, helped me forget. But all I can do is forget, I can't exorcise the demon that haunts me, makes me what I am. And now it's come around again, and when I look at my face, I see myself beating mom, assaulting her, violating her. Do you know how that feels? It feels like, like I'm slowly dying….." Ash, never taking his eye off Misty, turned the glass to its side, and slowly slid the edge along his chest, drawing a thin line of blood. "It feels like I've lost my soul, and my body is only here as some sick reminder to the ones I love of the cruelty of man." He drew another line parallel to the first, and closed his eyes at the unique bliss of agony. "I'm just a scar, something which should never have been born, or ever existed." Misty put her hands to her mouth in silent horror as Ash, his face still serene and tranquil as her beloved blue ocean in an August sunset, drew the glass again across his body, leaving three parallel scratches. He opened his eyes, looked down in his body in satisfaction, and then looked Misty in the eyes, as he hunched into the corner of the bed against the walls, rocking slowly.  
  
"Ash, please, please stop that…." Misty quailed at the wounds, some parts weeping blood, and at the glass still held poised in his left hand.  
  
"I am going to stop Mist. I'll only need one more cut. I'd like it if you weren't here to see it, Mist, but if you must stay then I just want to say that I don't want you to follow me where I'm going. Even if you do try, you'll never find me. You, as all angels, will go to heaven, whereas I…" Ash sighed, pressed the glass hard to his wrist….  
  
"NO!" Misty launched herself forwards, tore the glass from Ash's grasp, and threw it across the room into the other wall where it shattered into a thousand glittering specks. Ash froze, as Misty brushed his fringe from his eyes. "Ash, I-I can't let you do this!" She cried desperately, grabbing his hands and squeezing them tightly. "If I did, it'd be such a horrific waste….." She felt the shock of what she had just done smash into her, and began to weep quietly. Slowly, with utmost uncertainty but instinct to comfort a loved one, Ash slowly reached out to hold her.  
  
"Mist, what? What are you crying for?" He stroked her head, anguish momentarily forgotten.  
  
"I-I'm crying, for you…." Misty whispered before being swallowed once again by shock. Ash gently took a hold of her face and steered it up to his.  
  
"Why? I'm not worth the water!" Quick as a lightning strike, Misty's hand slapped his cheek.  
  
"Ash! You-you're being so selfish! You're everything to me, but think you're nothing! But will you listen?! NO!" Misty drew back, features aflame, rising as a cobra about to strike. "You can only listen to yourself, because you're so stubborn, so pig-headed! Can't you get it through that dense skull of yours that it's actions that speak louder than words?! That who your father was means nothing to me?!" Ash recoiled, feeling a huge, boiling sea of raw emotions rising into his throat. For barely a second, the entire universe seemed to turn to stone, petrified perfectly. The full implications of what she had said almost instantly hit Misty like a thousand arrows to the heart. *Oh my god, what have I done? You've gone mad before, but never ever like this….Damn it girl, you should have just taken the glass and slit his throat, it would've saved you from doing it by mouth!* She folded up onto the bed, and started crying her eyes out, while Ash sagged back against the wall, his eyes closed. *She could be right. I'm just like him….I must be.* Slowly, he lifted his gaze to the still sobbing Misty, and felt a jolt of sadness at the sight of his girlfriend, usually bright and vivacious, now lying before him seemingly broken. Slowly, she picked herself up, and looked over at him. "I-I can't put into words how sorry I am for saying that Ash, but please, you know how bad my temper is, please don't think I hate you. I love you! That's why it's so hard to see you like this, and to hear you refuse the truth." Ash felt his eyes filling up again, as the conflict deep within was stirred by the tenderness within her voice. Slowly, he spoke.  
  
"I'd love to believe you Mist, I really would. But whenever I see myself I can only see who I am, a crime…" The raging torrent finally broke free, and cascaded through him as he tried to continue. "Because I-I c-can't believe you, I k-keep feeling like I'm like, like him…." The emotions took over, and Ash was unable to hold back any longer. A howl broke through the barriers in his throat, and echoed around the room mournful as a funeral pyre. Misty launched herself forwards and wrapped him in her arms, holding him as close as a child to a mother, as the anguish of six years vented in a long keening cry of despair.  
  
"Sssssh, don't worry Ash, I'm here for you." She murmured into his ear, and felt him pull her even more tightly towards him.  
  
"I-I-I just c-can't help f-feeling this….I never w-wanted to be a, a problem to-to you Mist…." He sniffled between choking sobs, crying harder than she'd ever known him to. As she gently soothed him, Misty let her own tears fall freely again, overcome by the raw fear of her partner, who gradually slowed to tiny whimpers, shuddering in her grasp.  
  
"Come on Ash, it's okay. Take it easy, it's okay, it's alright." Misty crooned, wishing deep down that she could believe it too. *This is….terrible. How can he feel having this over his head? It'll take more than crying to me to sort this out now. I hope I can get my Ash back again, someday.* Misty slowly noted that Ash had fallen silent, and asleep on her soaked shoulder, the pink gown now stained red by the still bleeding wounds across his chest. Sighing a breath of relief, tinged by sadness at the now sleeping form, she released him, and got up from the bedraggled bed, blue covers askew, and gazed at Ash's face, now peaceful in the deep embrace of sleep. "Well, Ash, I'm gonna have to get you downstairs somehow. I'm not letting you out of my sight, not now, not ever." She tilted her head to one side, red eyes still wet, and let out a baby-small smile. "Question is, Mister Ketchum, how to get you downstairs?" Her eyes flicked to the shower room, and to the glass upon its floor. "You're not going near any mirrors while I'm around." She murmured to herself. "Well, only one option…." She put two arms around him, and slowly hoisted him into her arms, staggering at the effort. *Whew! I knew he was getting big, but not quite this big….if I don't move you soon, I'm going to drop you!* The idea of carrying was ripped from Misty's mind as the towel rather abruptly fell off, leaving Ash naked in her arms. *Uh, okay. Let's put him down then, else everyone may get the wrong idea!* She slowly put him back down on the bed, and draped the towel across him. Turning to get Sabrina, she took one last look back at Ash, and gave a genuine smile for the first time in days. *Face it Misty, sometimes you wish that the wrong idea is the right idea. At least he's ready to commit to you in faith, so it's worth the wait.* She shook her head at the thought, and still smiling, turned and walked through the door.  
  
  
  
"Sabrina, will you stop staring at me like that?" Gary fidgeted uneasily under her earnest gaze.  
  
"Sorry Gary, but I need to focus on someone else, or my mind will pick up what's going on up there." She shook her head, shoulders sagging. "Sometimes I wish I'd never been bestowed with this gift. It's impossible to give people the privacy they sometimes need." Before the discussion could continue, sounds of movement came through the floor. The entire room stiffened as feet pattered down the stairs, and five pairs of eyes fixed on Misty as she walked into the room, eyes red and wet, bath robe wrinkled and damp, with marks of blood upon her chest. Brock gasped as he set eyes on the blood marks, and stood up.  
  
"Misty! What the hell has happened?!"  
  
"Ah…." Misty only managed a sigh before collapsing onto a chair, completely exhausted.  
  
("Is Ash still okay?") Pikachu ran up her leg into her lap.  
  
("Yeah! What did he say? Are you bleeding?!") Chikorita yelped as she noticed the blood upon her clothes.  
  
"No, it's Ash's blood." Misty mumbled, eyelids still closed.  
  
("ASH'S BLOOD?!")  
  
"ASH'S BLOOD?!" Brock and Chikorita yelled in unison as they began to panic.  
  
"Yes. He cut his chest in front of me. But that wasn't all he was intending to cut." Misty sagged even further down into the soft cushions, unable to deny the truth as the adrenaline of the last twenty minutes took it's toll.  
  
"What do you mean by that Misty?" Gary asked, deep concern in his voice.  
  
"When I got to him he was in the shower, about to….cut his wrists…." Deafening silence followed the announcement, as the words sunk in.  
  
"Ash was going to commit….suicide?" Brock gaped, shrinking with shock.  
  
"Yes. He also tried to after he cut his chest. I had to tear the glass from his grasp." Misty wiped away a single tear as the memory came back to her in full force.  
  
("Oh, Ash…..") Pikachu moaned, her dark eyes welling up in unison with Chikorita's.  
  
"Misty, have you just left him alone upstairs with all those pieces of glass left in the bathroom?" Gary put in, face reddening.  
  
"He fell asleep, cried himself out, I came down to get help to bring him down here." Misty stated, a little life filtering back into her body.  
  
"No problem Misty, I'll do it." Sabrina looked over at Gary, sat on the wide sofa. "I'd move if I were you, unless you want him in your lap." Gary shot up, and backed away to Brock's side, turning to face the sofa. Sabrina's eyes glowed brightly, and in the flicker of a butterfly's wings, Ash appeared on the sofa. Minus the towel. "Uh, Misty, why didn't you mention he just had a towel over him?" Sabrina looked over quizzically, as Brock and Gary stifled laughs.  
  
"Well at least it lightened the mood in here…." Brock murmured, as Misty flushed red.  
  
"I'll go get another towel." Misty muttered, hurrying from the room. The smiles on everyone else's faces faded as they noticed the three deep cuts running parallel to each other across his chest.  
  
"These must have been done by something real sharp." Sabrina almost whispered.  
  
("What has he done to himself? And why?") Chikorita murmured sadly, a single drop of liquid running down her face. ("Whatever happened to my beloved Ash?")  
  
("I don't know, I hope someone can tell us.") Pikachu replied, putting a gentle paw around Chikorita and hugging her. ("But he'll get through it, I know he will. He's taken on the world and beaten it, so I know that somehow he'll pull himself through it. And if he can't do it alone, I'm sure me, you Misty and everyone else will be able to pull him through. You can rely on that.") Just then Misty appeared, with a dark blue blanket, and some shorts.  
  
"Okay, he's staying here. And so am I." She threw the blanket over the sleeping boy, and drew up a chair. Jumping into it, she stared fixedly at Ash, as if seeking constant reassurance that he was there.  
  
"Misty, what happened up there?" Brock laid a hand on her arm, and shook her shoulder gently.  
  
("Yeah, tell us!") Pikachu put in, still holding the sniffing Chikorita.  
  
"I-I think it's Ash's choice to tell…."  
  
"Misty, Ash told me that when he told one of you, he wanted the one he told to inform everyone else. He said that he didn't want to have to go through the pain of explanation more than once." Looking over at the comatose form, he frowned. "I can't say I blame him."  
  
"Okay. This is going to be hard to say. Please don't interrupt, if I break I don't know if I'll be able to start again." Misty gulped, but felt Chikorita climb up into her lap and rub cat-like against her belly. Soothed by the feeling, she started speaking.  
  
  
  
"I went up, as you all know, to apologise. I said things which my temper threw out, like in the past, without thinking. Well, as I went to knock on the door, I heard the shower start. The door was unlocked, so I went in, and came to the door of his bathroom. I heard someone step into the waterflow, but I didn't care that he might be naked or anything else, I needed to make sure he was okay. So, I knocked open the door, and he stood there, in a daze, with a thin blade of glass in his hand ready to cut his wrist open. I went over to him, pleaded with him, begged him to stop. He didn't seem to listen and just pushed down in preparation. But I pleaded more, and he dropped the glass. I asked him why he was about to do such a thing, and he simply said it was what he deserved. He seemed almost in a stupor, so I led him out, dried him off, and tried to bring him downstairs. He refused to move, saying he wanted to stay in his bedroom forever. When I said I'd stay he seemed surprised, not really unexpected after I'd lost my temper. Well, we sat together, and he seemed to get close to me as if he was afraid or lonely. He then told me, trying not to break down, that his mother wasn't attacked, she was….raped."  
  
("Raped?!") Pikachu squeaked  
  
"No, this can't be, it can't-" Brock turned his head to the ground, closing his eyes. Chikorita merely buried her head into Misty's lap, and let out a tiny choked "chi…" Gary and Sabrina looked morosely at the group, as they all allowed the last word to soak in. Slowly, Misty stirred, face emotionless, and continued with the story.  
  
"He saw my tears of sadness, but thought it was his fault for telling me these things to upset me, and tried to blame himself. I lost my rag for a moment, but calmed myself and tried to convince him he wasn't responsible like he seemed to think. He got up, and said he was going to wash his face, which must have been how he got another piece of glass. He came back, and said he wanted to tell me a little story. So I sat and listened. He told me about a boy named Ash who had been teased at school, aged only eight, that his father was in jail, that he was an accident, despised by his mother. He told me he'd asked her if his dad was in jail. She took him, sat him down, and told him yes. So he asked why, and she told him….told him that his father had held a gun to her head, took her into his car, and, and….raped her. Ash was conceived by rape." The last word echoed gunshot-like through the room. Brock looked down at his hands, wringing them together as if seeking to draw some comfort from them.  
  
"Now I know why he's been so devastated by the last few days." He muttered, unable to focus on anything.  
  
"Chi, chi, chi-koooo….chi-ko…." Chikorita hiccuped into Misty's lap. Gradually, through the silence, she lifted her head and looked at Misty with wet eyes, brimming with compassion.  
  
("Please, go on. I need to know more.") she said into the pregnant silence. Misty, biting her lower lip, took a shuddering breath and went on.  
  
"He said he didn't know how to accept Deliah's love when he was born out of her anguish, but then went almost painfully calm, and he drew the glass from the towel wrapped around him. He said, something I'll never forget. "You know Mist, it's a shame that this world had to be desecrated by something as disgusting as me." It was as if he was trying to denounce his very existence. "I've sometimes wondered whether to remove this cancer from the world, swim out to sea until I can swim no more, draw a cut so deep that my essence seeps away. But my pokemon's unconditional love, and you Mist, you helped me through, helped me forget. But all I can do is forget, I can't exorcise the demon that haunts me, makes me what I am. And now it's come around again, and when I look at my face, I see myself beating mom, assaulting her, violating her. Do you know how that feels? It feels like, like I'm slowly dying….." With that, he pushed the glass to his chest, and drew it slowly across. I wish I could have reacted, but it was like being in a trance, I couldn't move. "It feels like I've lost my soul, and my body is only here as some sick reminder to the ones I love of the cruelty of man." He cut himself again. I wanted to scream, tear the weapon from his hands, pull him to me, never let him out of my embrace until my dying day. "I'm just a scar, something which should never have been born, or ever existed." He just looked into my eyes, and all I saw was disgust, disgust at himself. But then, I begged him to stop, and I'll remember what he said until the world stops turning. "I am going to stop Mist. I'll only need one more cut. I'd like it if you weren't here to see it, Mist, but if you must stay then I just want to say that I don't want you to follow me where I'm going. Even if you do try, you'll never find me. You, as all angels, will go to heaven, whereas I…" He went to cut his wrist but I wrenched the blade of glass out of his hands and threw it away. I started….crying, but he seemed surprised. He asked me why, but then denounced himself, said he wasn't worth the water. Then, I…I snapped at him."  
  
("Oh no, please don't say it's happened again!") Pikachu gasped. Misty wiped away a solitary tear with a shaking hand, and nodded.  
  
"Yes, it did. I went off at the deep end at him, calling him selfish that he wouldn't listen to me when I told him who his father is doesn't matter. I tried to apologise, and I seemed to get through to him. Then he said "I'd love to believe you Mist, I really would. But whenever I see myself I can only see who I am, a crime…" He just, just broke after saying that, completely fell apart, tried to apologise for anything and everything in the world. I've never seen anyone, man woman or child, as distraught as he was then, he didn't seem to know what was happening, as if a tidal wave had broken on him and swept him away like a leaf in the breeze. I took hold of him, and calmed him down, until he fell asleep on my shoulder. I tried to carry him down here but he was too heavy, so I left him on the bed to get help." She shuddered, trying to assemble her thoughts before the wild spinning in her mind swallowed her. "But it was horrible, seeing him like that. He didn't seem to think he was worthy of life, that he was seen as a crime personified. And to have to stop him from slitting his wrists, it's just so awful…" Misty folded up silently, her lone soliloquy complete, and hugged Chikorita, who hugged her back as they tried to come to terms with what had just taken place. Brock and Pikachu exchanged glances, and turned to Sabrina and Gary.  
  
"You two knew?" Silently, they nodded.  
  
"I stand by agreeing not to tell you. It would have been a betrayal." Gary said firmly.  
  
"No, it wouldn't! As Ash's friends, we had every right to know…." Brock began, anger building.  
  
("Brock, NO! We didn't have the right, Ash chose not to tell us!") Pikachu cut him off.  
  
"Y…you're right Pikachu." Misty sniffled, still hugging Chikorita. "He said he didn't want me to worry, and that goes for the rest of us too."  
  
"Didn't he think we could help?"  
  
"Brock, you know Ash. He makes so much noise about little things, but when something big is wrong he locks it away. Remember when he tripped over that pothole and fell into a rock by the road? He used his hands to brace himself as he fell, and for the next few days he wore long sleeves and did everything left handed? When I took him by the hand a few days later and he cried out, and I thought he was looking for sympathy, so I pulled his glove off? His wrist was the size of my fist. We tried to get him to have it seen to, but he tried to brush it off, so we got Joy to bandage it up." She shook her head and a smile, incongruous around the tears, sprang up. "That's my boyfriend."  
  
"Sabrina?" Gary called.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Can you use recover on these scratches?" Gary gestured to the streaks across Ash's chest.  
  
"Well I could, but I'd rather not." Sabrina replied, looking across at them.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Recover can have some side-effects for humans. I only use it on vital cases."  
  
"What do you mean by side-effects?"  
  
"Well, although a recovery scar may fade in time, they are always more prone to UV radiation than a normal scar." Chikorita, knowing about these things being a plant type who spent lots of time in the sun, looked up in concern.  
  
("You mean he could get cancer?") She gasped.  
  
"?" Sabrina looked at Chikorita, puzzled.  
  
"She asked if he could get cancer." Brock intoned.  
  
"Oh, well it's more of a possibility where there is the recover scar on his arm. It'd be a skin cancer, with a good chance of treatment, but I'd rather not give him more recover scars that he needs." She gave a reassuring smile to Chikorita who still watched with grave uncertainty. "Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds. If he does get a sarcoma, he's got an excellent chance of recovery. It's more important that he hasn't bled to death. It'll be many years before he gets any side effects." Chikorita, caught between a rock and a hard place, decided to not reply. Instead, she walked over to the settee, jumped up, and curled up on Ash's stomach. Misty pulled her chair next to the settee, and sat down again.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until he's awake. You can go and do what you want but I'm not moving." She folded her arms, and stared round in defiance, expecting objections. Instead, Brock reached down and took her wrist.  
  
"Hang in there Misty, it's gonna be a while before he gets his old confidence back. I'll go and make some tea." He walked through the door, and went to the kitchen.  
  
("Chikorita, you staying too?") Pikachu asked, and Chikorita nodded fervently. ("Okay, I'm going to help Brock for a while.") She scampered from the room, closely followed by Sabrina. Gary went to follow, but turned as he reached the door.  
  
"Misty, Chikorita, don't over do it yet. Remember, Ash still thinks he isn't worth the fuss. Build it up gently, don't smother him as soon as he comes around okay?" Chikorita and Misty mutely agreed, and Gary, with a final glance back, left the room. Magically, a bowl of water, some tissues, dressings and a towel appeared beside Misty. *Thanks Sabrina!* She thought, and began washing off Ash's chest. *Don't mention it Misty!* came the response. Chikorita looked on with interest as Misty worked. *I hope that she can keep it together, we need her for Ash. I'll have to be the one who makes sure Misty doesn't snap.*  
  
("Misty?")  
  
"Yes Chikorita?" came the absent-minded response.  
  
("I know how you're feeling right now, so if you need any help or someone to talk to, I'm right here.") Misty concentrated for a second at wiping away some of the water, before looking up and smiling.  
  
"Thanks Chikorita, I hope I can do the same for you." The two of them looked at Ash, at peace for a few fleeting moments. "And we can both do it for him."  
  
  
  
I am here in the dark, naked and alone, alone but for one thing. A shadow, hanging over me. Can I reach it? No, always out of reach, sometimes out of sight, never out of mind .I scramble to grasp it, but it floats still further out of my reach, almost mocking me. I see through the dark someone step out, bathed in light. Misty. She shines brightly, casting light into the darkness surrounding me, and thorough the shadows of my mind. I stand, reach out for her. She grasps my hand, but I recoil as if burnt. She looks at me, puzzled, as I try to reach her again. She is the light, but the light burns me, I can't reach her. Slowly, she turns away, stepping out of my sight, leaving me in the dark. The all consuming black. I shout out her name, try to reach her again, just to see her. But she has gone, the black night around me grows deeper still, the whisperings of demons and ghosts. I scream out, try to run, but can get nowhere, wherever I turn, there are more whispers, more voices, more eyes black as pitch staring at me, I spin, but cannot see a way out, the voices close in, and I'm alone, all alone…  
  
  
  
A shaking on my shoulder brings me out of my dream, and I see a pair of pensive faces looking down at me. Chikorita and Misty. The dream returns in full force, and I reach out to them, pulling them closer to the point that their faces touch mine.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?" Misty asks.  
  
"J-just don't leave me…." I whisper, and slowly let them go. They straighten up, looking at me with caution written on their faces.  
  
(Did you have a nightmare?") Chikorita asks, brushing my fringe with her leaf.  
  
"Uh, yes."  
  
"You were calling my name…." Misty murmured, bringing a hot blush to my cheeks. Why am I blushing? Perhaps it's seeing her so close, in a different light since she'd helped me through earlier. She looks even more wonderful than ever before….suddenly, a door along the line of thought slams shut, and I'm left floundering.  
  
"Uh, well, you were in my dream…you were the light, but something got between us….I was left in the dark, surrounded by demons, demons of the past…." Misty and Chikorita exchanged worried glances as I babbled, trying to blindly explain the unexplainable. Eventually I got my train of thought back into control, and fell silent.  
  
"Uh, okay. By the way Ash, it's ten at night. You've been sleeping for a long time." Misty picked up a cup of tea, and sipped it slowly. "Me and Chikorita have been here too, keeping an eye on you, making sure there are no mirrors around." A smile, a wink. I finally notice how tired she looks, her aqua eyes unfocused, leaning back in the chair, relishing its soft embrace. Chikorita lets out a tired sigh, and lays down on my chest. I don't know why, but I feel a massive clashing of emotions as I look at the ones I love, deep desire mingling with a wish to leave them, so they wouldn't have to worry about me. Tired eyes and a growing headache made my decision, and I patted the sofa.  
  
"Come on Chikorita, come to bed. There's, enough room for you too Mist, at the other end, if you would care to join me?"  
  
"Ummm, but don't you think that Brock might…"  
  
"Mist, I don't care about Brock. All I know is that I don't want to be alone tonight. Please?" I use my pleading eyes, and Misty couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Okay Ash, but you're going to have to put your shorts on first." I took her by surprise as I threw back the blanket, slipped on the shorts, picked her up and placed her on the opposite end of the sofa after putting a pillow against the arm rest. She looked up me with a mischievous grin as I climbed in the other end, sliding the blanket over us as Chikorita jumped down from my chest to snuggle next to me. I smiled as Misty's feet poked out next to my head.  
  
"Hey Mist, you should nickname your feet cheddar and cheese!" I grinned, and got a big toe poked in my chin in response.  
  
"Your feet aren't exactly piquant themselves!" She sniggered back.  
  
"You lie! I had a shower earlier, remember?" This time she bursts out laughing, and I join her, releasing the tension from the morning's events. The door opens, and I see Brock enter with a tray of drinks in his hands, looking relieved at the sound of my laughter. The relief flashes to shock, followed by disbelief at the sight before him, causing the two of us to scream with laughter once again.  
  
"You look like a stunned magikarp Brock!" Misty squeals, and we both have another fit.  
  
"W-wha? Wha? What you doing in there with you, and-and YOU?!" He squealed as Chikorita poked her head out from under the blanket, giggling deliriously.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Misty gleefully sniggers, and I join in.  
  
"Playing a little footsie, perhaps?"  
  
"Or guess the bodypart you're touching?"  
  
"Maybe a little undercover exploration?"  
  
"Hide the teacup?"  
  
"Find the biscuit!"  
  
("And I may have found another use for my vines, shame we don't have a headboard to tie something to!") Chikorita screamed with laughter, quickly followed by Misty and I as the mental picture of us playing hide the biscuit or Chikorita tying me up hand and foot in a bed with the two of them flits through Brock's mind.  
  
"Uh, buh, duh…" He gurgles, mind in another land. Knowing Brock, the land of the playboy mansion, but I throw the thought away quickly. As if he realises his reason for coming in, he puts three cups of tea on the chair and backs away quickly. "Uh, I'm gonna have to leave you now, uh bye!" He almost rockets out of the door, pulling it behind him. Silence for a fraction of a second before what I'm waiting for happens.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!" he screams, and the three of us dissolve into a fit of giggles as we imagine his face, mouth as wide as a Gyarados.  
  
"Oh, do you think we went too far Ash?" Misty chokes out between snorts of laughter.  
  
"We haven't gone as far as Brock believes, but it was worth the act to see his face!" I wiped away tears of laughter, a refreshing change from my previous tears.  
  
("And when I popped out, he looked like he'd sat on Cindaquil!") Chikorita gasped, pounding the cushions in delight.  
  
"Ash?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do you think…when we do commit to one another in body as well as soul….he'll accept us then?" Misty probed, serious for a moment.  
  
"I'm sure he will. I don't think he expected this, but when the time comes in the future he'll be happy for us. It's also because we're a bit young yet." I smiled broadly. "But it was worth it to see that face!" She smiled back, and lay down on her pillow, eyes closing. I sunk down myself, but secretly reached for her hand it below the blanket, until I grasped it firmly. She lifted her head, and gazed at me, as I dissolved beneath her beautiful pools of aqua.  
  
"What? What is it?" She murmured, voice soothing as a summer breeze.  
  
"Thank you Mist. Thank you for saving my life. It isn't through yet, but thank you, my guardian angel." She smiled, sweetly as only she could, and lay down again, grasping my hand tightly. I sank down slowly once again, just waiting and listening as her breathing became slow and deep, savouring her touch. The thrill of life seemed to spark up in me once again, for just a fleeting second. I know I've got a lot more to come to terms with, but for now, for tonight, it's enough to be alive and here, here with the ones I love. Sleep's sweet caress strokes my shoulder, and I let myself fall slowly into her deep embrace, knowing I'm ready for whatever tomorrow brings.  
  
  
  
Hope you like it, I guess if you didn't you wouldn't have reached this sentence anyway….ah well, don't forget to R&R and the next bit should be under a fortnight again. By for now! 


	4. Unclean thoughts

Disclaimer: All characters within this fanfiction are owned by Nintendo, 4Kids and the other creators and owners of Pokemon, all I own is a few vids and a stuffed Pikachu.  
  
Hi, it's me again! (Chorus of groans.) Uh, yeah.  
  
Big BIG thanks to all reviewers, they make my day, especially when I'm down. Like for the last six months….ahem. Enough of my troubles, there are more than enough in this story already.  
  
Hope you enjoy it, and even if you don't, please review! Next chapter should again be under a fortnight.  
  
So, on with the show!  
  
Scartissue – Part 4.  
  
There is always a short blissful period which occurs when awaking from a deep sleep. The moment when eyes open and the world appears as it actually is, without being coloured by prejudice, haunted by thought or troubled by doubt. The mind is at rest while the body is awake, and for a blissful second the world has no obstacles. Ash opened his eyes, and took in that briefest flicker of peace as the morning sunlight cascaded across the room, and the hair of the girl opposite cascaded around her pillow. He relaxed back, feeling a warm glow envelop him. *I'm still alive. I'm laying here with the girl I love. I'm warm, comfortable, and Chikorita is still at my side. Bliss. A strange word, bliss. It's as if the word was created by the feeling. Bliss. If bliss was a sound, it'd sound like the word, just a purr, a gentle sigh.* The last day slowly filtered in, and Ash groaned. He was still the son of his father, his mother was still in hospital, and Brock, Pikachu, Gary and Sabrina were all going to treat him like an invalid. Slowly stretching, he looked at the clock hanging on the wall, reading seven A.M. A strong desire to return to the world of the subconscious tugged hard at him, but his body made it's own story. He didn't want to move, but Misty sure wouldn't be pleased sooner or later if he didn't…. Groaning, he pulled himself out of the bed, trying not to disturb Misty, but by deliberately arcing himself away, giving Chikorita a rather abrupt awakening with a knee to the ribs.  
  
"Chi!" The yelp, muffled by the blanket, was enough to make Misty murmur and stir. Ash, hurriedly drawing himself out fully, put his hand over Chikorita's mouth, before picking her up.  
  
"Sorry Chikorita. I didn't mean to do that, I hope you weren't hurt or anything." Chikorita had a smart reply on the lines of "No, just a couple of broken ribs that's all!" on the way, but a glance at Ash's face was enough to silence her.  
  
("No, I'll be fine. Don't worry Ash.") She replied quietly, studying him carefully. He seemed better this morning, but still….("Why are you up so early?")  
  
"Nature's calling, and she doesn't like waiting." Ash gave a tiny grin, which Chikorita returned in kind. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go and see to her." Ash made for the stairs, but was barred by Chikorita's vine whips.  
  
("Ash, I'm not letting you out of my sight. Misty and I promised last night to make sure that you wouldn't do anything stupid, and I stand by it.") Chikorita stood firm as Ash scratched his head.  
  
"Well, it's going to be kind of hard to do it while I'm in the bathroom." Chikorita giggled.  
  
("Not when I'm standing by the door.") Ash face-faulted, caught across the face by a massive slap of embarrassment.  
  
"Uh, you in there?"  
  
("Yes, silly!")  
  
"Uh, couldn't you wait outside?"  
  
("No, how could I hear if you decided to cut yourself.?") Chikorita giggled again at Ash's obvious discomfort.  
  
"Well, um…."  
  
("See? I don't see the problem. We're not the same species after all, and I'm not going to look, you know….at you….") Chikorita blushed, the embarrassment seeping into her as well.  
  
"But…" Ash bit himself off before he could say "You were the one who had a crush on me only weeks ago." *That ain't going to help matters any.* His bladder gave another twinge, and he folded. "Okay, I give in! But one word about this to Pikachu…." Chikorita snorted with laughter and shook her head.  
  
("She's not going to hear about it. Besides, I'm not going to have anything to tell her about am I?") She cocked her head on one side, giving Ash a cheeky look which said quite clearly *But if you try anything, she'll know before you can blink.* Sighing in resignation, Ash made for the stairs, Chikorita at his heels.  
  
  
  
Sabrina sat on the end of Delilah's bed, Pikachu still fast asleep on the top end, twiddling her hair idly. She'd sensed Ash get up, and watched the scene unfolding with an increasingly growing smile, dissolving to snorts of laughter by the time Ash set foot on the stairs. She'd had to choke back the laughter to hide the fact she was awake. Chikorita keeping an eye (quite literally) on him was going to make him uncomfortable enough without the feeling that she was watching him too. That was why she was playing with her hair, to distract herself. *Are these abilities a gift or a curse? I really can't decide…I have to do this to give someone the privacy they need, sometimes I feel so dirty, like a voyeur, a spy….* She mentally took a hold of her long hair and worked it psychically into a plaited design, then into a bun, then into a perfect copy of Ash's straggly, spiky style. *If only I could just forget these abilities, just for one day. Just to be normal, a normal girl.* She got up and looked into the round mirror hung on Delilah's white dresser. Not bad. Well, it looked scruffy as hell, but that was a compliment if she was trying to make it look like Ash's. *Every time I see someone, they're scared by me. My powers, are they destined to leave me a solitary life? When I talk to someone in the street, I can feel they're afraid of me, even though they don't know me at all.* Slumping back down on the bed, hair still a perfect copy of Ash's, she desperately sought for something else to latch onto. *Misty, still in dreamland. Brock in Ash's bed, well, the snoring shuddering the wall between the two rooms is evidence enough. Gary, on a mattress on the floor of Ash's room – Ah.* Sabrina reached out and gently combed his mind. There was a lot of thoughts there. A feeling of worry, worry for Ash, bitterness at the rivalry, a rivalry he had no wish to take any further. A lot of anger a the noisy (expletive) snoring next to him, coupled with a desire to take out a hundred exquisite tortures on the same person. But something else. A trace of envy at the romance between Ash and Misty, envy that he didn't have someone so close, so intimately interwoven with himself. And deep, deep down, feelings of desire. A feeling of mystery for someone, linked with a strong desire….oh! Sabrina cut off the link as the last thought seeped into her, and a blush slowly blossomed on her cheeks. Gary was thinking of – her! *Someone is falling for me? This is, is, I don't know what it is, but it's….* Sabrina felt her head spin, psychic and conscious mind washed clean by shock. *No-one's ever felt like that about me before. My parents, well that's different. Even they are a little scared of me, nonetheless. The only ones who aren't scared of me are Haunter and these four. Ash trusts me and likes me as a friend, but he only has eyes for Misty. Misty is a girl anyway, and has only eyes for him. Brock, he doesn't entirely trust me although he's coming round. Gary, though….* The bathroom door opened, breaking Sabrina's line of thought. A heavy thud followed, accompanied by a surprised "Chi-Ko!" Sabrina rushed out of her room, opening her door in perfect synchrony with Gary, to see Ash flat on his face in the middle of the landing, and an embarrassed Chikorita trying to look nonchalant and apologetic in equal measures. Ash slowly peeled his face off the floor, and looked around slowly, taking in Sabrina's smiling face and rather familiar hair, and Gary trying hard not to laugh.  
  
"Chikorita, could you come here a moment?" Chikorita meekly complied. "Now, you know that when I'm walking, I lift one leg up at a time, so I've only got one on the floor, yes?" Chikorita mutely nodded, as Gary let out a chuckle. "And you sometimes pull my leg with a vine to get my attention, like a few seconds ago, yes?" Another mute nod. "Well, there's a little thing called gravity, which is very effective at making things fall, although not as effective as you. Correct?" Chikorita, like a puppy sitting next to a puddle on the carpet, nodded again, and looked at Ash with soulful eyes. "So, you combine your vine, my standing leg and gravity, and I get what's known as a bruise." Gary gave out at this and broke into hysterics, closely followed by Sabrina. Chikorita looked at the floor like a naughty schoolgirl at the front of the class, and nodded again. "Now, I'll take this as making us equal for me kneeing you earlier, but please don't make that mistake again. Okay?" Another silent nod. Ash pushed himself up into a sitting position, and looked himself over. The trip had taken some of the scabbing tissue off the cuts from the previous day, and the wounds on his chest began to seep a little blood. *This hurts, but still in a good way…* Ash felt a pair of arms scoop him up and put him on his feet, and he turned around to see Gary stepping back, a look of concern on his face.  
  
"You've opened up a few scratches there Ash, let me deal with them." He stepped forward, but Ash moved away, shaking his head.  
  
"No. It'll be fine, I'll see to them. Don't worry about me." With that, he walked off down the stairs, Chikorita at his heels. Gary turned to Sabrina, who felt her heart give a tiny flutter.  
  
"What do you suppose is eating him?" he asked.  
  
"Same thing that has been for six years I think."  
  
"I thought, no hoped that maybe yesterday might have brought him around." Sabrina just shrugged in response. "Ah well. With Chikorita and Misty around twenty-four seven, he'll come through it. I'm gonna make sure of that too." He frowned at her for a second. "Oh, and did you sleep awkward? Your hair looks like it's seen the inside of a few hedges, if you know what I mean."  
  
"Nah, I was playing with it, and decided to try the Ash Ketchum look. Like it?" Gary gaped for a second, and then began to roar with laughter.  
  
"It looks more like Ash's hair than Ash's hair itself!"  
  
"Well, if you like it so much…." She dragged Gary into Delilah's room, and concentrated for a few seconds before pushing him in front of the mirror. His mouth fell open so wide that he could have swallowed a baseball.  
  
"Plaits?! I look like my sister!" Sabrina broke into fits of giggles as Pikachu woke up. She took one glance at Gary before bursting into squealing "Pika-chuu!"s. Gary glared at the two of them, but was unable to stop himself breaking into a broad grin. "Okay I take it back. Now could you untie my hair, please?" Sabrina rapidly undid the plaiting, and stood back.  
  
"Awww, it's a shame, you looked so cute!" Gary blushed, but thought better of a quick comeback. *Besides, Sabrina looks cute enough when she laughs for me…* he walked to the door, but paused, and turned around.  
  
"Fancy going down for breakfast Sab?" Sabrina, at the sound of her nickname, turned red as a Charmander's flame.  
  
"Uh, sure!" She walked to Gary, who held the door open for her. "Being the perfect gentleman are you?" She kidded gently.  
  
"Hey! When am I anything else?" he jibed back, following her out, pulling the door shut behind him. Pikachu yawned, and turned over, snuggling down on the bed again. *Looks like we're going to be having a double wedding sometime in the future….at least I'll only have to hire something to wear once!*  
  
  
  
Ash walked back into the room where he'd slept, and felt his eyes drawn to Misty, who was still sleeping peacefully. They roved over her every curve, where the blankets had slid away, drinking in the silent beauty. Teenage hormones raged, and he felt his mind wander to thoughts of kissing her neck, caressing her, sharing sweet tender moments….abruptly the trance snapped, and Ash looked down at himself, feeling a snarl break into his throat. Chikorita, looking at Ash's staring face gasped as the dark cloud settled on his expression, and he turned and hurried away. He walked into the kitchen and stopped at the sink. Grabbing the bar of soap on the side of the sink, he turned on the taps, wet the soap, and began scrubbing his arms, with almost furious vigour. He rinsed them off, and went back to scrubbing himself again, harder and harder, letting his nails scour himself as he dragged the soap along his arms, across his chest, back down his arms, back and forth, muttering.  
  
"Dirty, must be clean, must be clean, must rid myself of dirt, remove the stains, remove the marks.." Chikorita looked on with puzzlement and growing concern as Ash continued his frenzied scrubbing, unable to see the scratch marks on his arms and Chest. Puzzlement turned to alarm as he spun and threw the soap across the room, sending it smashing into the door. "Who am I trying to kid?! I can't make myself clean enough! I'll never, ever be….I couldn't, never, I'd be like him….." Ash took hold of a glass on the draining board, and smashed it against the edge of the sink in blind rage. Chikorita dived out of the way of the falling glass with a scream, and the muffled sounds of feet falling on the stairs became louder and faster as Gary and Sabrina, on hearing the smash, ran to see what was going on. None of this seemed to matter to Ash, as he stood stock still for a heartbeat, before acting on an impulse. He placed the remnants of the glass to his left shoulder, and slowly began top drag it down, one inch, two inches…. The glass shattered, smashing against the floor, and Ash looked to his right wrist, now enveloped by Chikorita's vines. The door burst open, and Sabrina and Gary tore into the kitchen. Their view passed from the glass on the floor, up to Ash's arm slowly seeping blood, and down to Chikorita, who looked as if she'd been frozen solid. The entire picture had an eerie, statuesque quality, the only hint of reality the viscous red fluid dripping to the floor. Gary, the first to snap out of the trance, made for the cupboard containing the first aid box. Pulling it out, he grabbed some artificial stitches, antiseptic and bandages, along with a roll of gauze.  
  
"Sab, pinch the two sides of the cut together! He called, and as Sabrina moved to comply he tipped some of the antiseptic onto a pad, and dabbed the wound. Ash didn't even flinch, just stared blankly ahead, unmoving. He quickly used the stitches to hold the two sides of the deep cut together, before pouring more antiseptic on a wad of gauze and putting it over the wound. "Sab, hold this in place please?" She put a hand on it as Gary began wrapping the bandage around his arm, taking it off as the bandage passed over it, until Gary pinned the end of the bandage in place, and stood back. "Done."  
  
"Gary, why did you do that?" Ash asked dazedly, still with his right arm held up to his left shoulder.  
  
"'Cause I didn't want you to bleed to death stupid." Gary growled in response.  
  
"I was just trying to was away the dirt…" Sabrina looked closely at Ash, frowning.  
  
"What dirt?"  
  
"Dirt. On my skin, all over me." Gary, feeling as if Ash was dismissing his efforts, snarled back.  
  
"You're clean! Don't talk bullshit!"  
  
"I'm dirty, tainted. Trying to clean myself for her…Can't, too dirty, stained." Ash mumbled, eyes unfocused.  
  
("Ash, calm down! Or I'm gonna have to put you out!") Chikorita screamed, releasing his wrist.  
  
"Ash?! My god, what's happened!" Misty burst in, face filled with dread.  
  
"I'm trying to get clean, clean for you." Ash muttered, eyes now scouring the floor, arms limp.  
  
"Clean? But you're perfect!" She reached out, and caught him in a deep hug. *What can he mean? He's not dirty, why is he cutting again?* She moved to plant a kiss on his lips, but he drew away quickly.  
  
"Sorry, but I'm going out for a while." Walking quickly, head bowed, he opened and almost ran through the back door. Silence descended on the group, thick as stew. Eventually, Sabrina broke it.  
  
"I'll go get a sweeping brush, clear up this mess. Gary, you get a mop, okay?"  
  
"Sure thing Sab." The two of them moved off, leaving Chikorita and Misty standing face to face.  
  
"Chikorita, could you tell me what Ash did exactly. I have to figure out why he's done this…"  
  
  
  
I look from my vantagepoint, seeing almost all of Pallet. All is sunny now, but there are a few distant clouds to the south, coming off the sea, so there's going to be rain this evening. It's amazing when you think about it, I've been climbing up this tree since I was five, and never so much as one of her branch has slipped from my grasp. It's as if the tree herself is taking care of me, as I took care of her. Now I've grown, and so has she, now standing tall at over seventy feet. I'm sitting towards the top, as high as she can take my weight, just staring into the sky. It's wonderful having a tree at the edge of your garden. There is somewhere to go to be alone, somewhere with shade in the summer. Somewhere to hide, when the leaves are in full glory. They are starting to yellow now, in preparation for the winter, but they still conceal me from prying eyes. A gentle breeze rustles the branches and ruffles my hair. I know that Misty and Chikorita must be wondering where I've gone, but I need to think. I don't know what happened then, but when I looked on Misty as an object of sexual desire as well as a soul mate, something inside me clicked. I felt dirty, foul. I felt like I couldn't even touch her, scared to touch her. Why? I know I'm still young, too young for that, but from talking to Brock about that sort of thing, it's not supposed to be like that, even when you're not fifteen yet. So, what? I shiver a little, it's a little cold up in a tree when you're only wearing shorts in October. My thoughts turn to my mother. I'm going to visit her this afternoon, and act like the world's okay. She'll know when she gets home the real status but while she's in hospital I don't want to burden her. Hell, I never want to burden her with anything anyway. I'm enough of a burden, just being here.  
  
"Aaaaash!"  
  
"Piikapiii!"  
  
Brock and Pikachu, presumably looking for me. Well, I'm not planning on coming down for now, or even letting them know I'm here. I peer through the leaves, and I see Pikachu trying to smell me out, she follows a line straight to the tree, then looks up…damn.  
  
("Ash! What are you doing up there!") She squeaks, agape at the height I've reached.  
  
"Thinking."  
  
"Ash, come on down! We're about to get breakfast!" Brock shouts, sounding concerned. Why does everything I do have to be public knowledge?  
  
"I'm fine, not hungry." Well, if they aren't suspicious already, that sure will make them. Great going Ashy boy.  
  
("Liar! Why won't you come down!")  
  
"I want to think more. Leave me be. Please?"  
  
"No can do Ash. I've been sent on a search-and-recover, and I don't want Misty's mallet anywhere near my kneecaps if you please!"  
  
"Well Einstein, how do you plan on getting me out of this tree? You can't climb like me, and Pikachu isn't big enough to reach some of the handholds. Besides, if you try pulling me out of the tree, Misty's mallet will be therapeutic compared to the pain of falling sixty feet." Brock and Pikachu glance at each other, knowing the have lost. Slowly, they turn around and head back to the house, while I just sit up here, by myself.  
  
  
  
"What do you mean you couldn't?" Misty screeched, causing Pikachu to reel backwards. I throw glances at the others around the table, Gary and Sabrina munching toast, Pikachu sat on the table beside me looking stunned, and Chikorita standing up on a chair beside Misty looking annoyed.  
  
"Just that. He's sat miles up that tree in the garden. I couldn't persuade him to come down, and I'm not crazy enough to go and get him. Even if I climbed sixty feet, I'd still have to get him down. It can't be done, it's up to him to do it of his own accord." I state bluntly. Misty looks set to argue, but a tap from Chikorita calms her down.  
  
"Okay. So, does anyone know what the problem is exactly?" She asks the table.  
  
("When he looked at you as you slept, he seemed to be dreaming. Suddenly he snapped out of it, came into the kitchen and went crazy.") Chikorita put in.  
  
"Did he say anything?"  
  
("Just he was dirty, trying to clean himself, but not being able to.")  
  
"That was what he said to us." Sabrina put in.  
  
"He looked at me, then suddenly went on this rant?" Misty asked, puzzled.  
  
"Yes." Sab replied. The whole table went silent as Gary snapped his fingers as the puzzle came together.  
  
"I've got it."  
  
"What?" Misty replied, her aqua eyes flickering in uncertainty.  
  
"Ash was looking at Misty with a dreamy expression on his face yes? In dreamland?" Chikorita nodded. "Now, I'm a guy, and I know that when a guy sees a girl he likes sleeping, and I know Brock will back me up, his mind may wander, wander onto other topics. It's nothing bad, but it happens." The four girls glance at me, and I give a small nod.  
  
"It happens, it's the teenage hormones kicking in."  
  
"So, Ash's mind wanders…eventually a few physical desires come into his mind. I take it you know what I mean by physical." I grin at the uncomfortable look on Misty's face, this is a little too personal for her liking. I can imagine, we're discussing her boyfriend…thinking about her, which isn't something that Misty wants to dwell on in public. Gary pushes on. "So, this thought pops into his mind, and he suddenly says he feels unclean, and tries to wash the feeling off, and when he can't he cuts himself, like he did yesterday. It's because when he looked at you Misty in a sexual light, he remembered what his father did, and by having a sexual fantasy he….he thought he was becoming his father. He was trying to wash away the feelings, no the belief that he is like his father, and he feels scared that he'll corrupt you Misty. He thinks that to think these thoughts is to commit mental rape, and hates himself for it." Silence followed as the words sank into all of us. The logic tracked clean.  
  
"He's right. He must be. Ash thinks that by thinking of you, Misty, in that light that he is the same as his father, and is scared to be with you for fear he'll do something terrible." Misty turns bright red, and struggles for an answer. Eventually, she recovers some composure.  
  
"Y-yes, I can see that now." She glances over at me. "I know, and Brock knows that occasionally in the last few months subjects like sexual attitudes have come up in conversation, and Ash has always been very reluctant to give any response."  
  
"I put it down to him being bashful, but now it's obvious that he's scared of the subject." I put in, idly tapping the table.  
  
"He is scared, he obviously thinks that it's wrong to think or feel anything in that way. And when I tried to comfort him earlier he pulled away." Misty adds.  
  
("Well, he wasn't too bothered last night…") Chikorita puts in.  
  
"That's because of the euphoria. He was glad to still be alive, and that his secret had been shared. But it's naturally worn off" Sabrina explains, and I agree. It's fair to say that she'll know.  
  
("Sabrina, could you try reading his mind? Now, while he's out there?") Pikachu asks.  
  
"….I could, but…." Sabrina hesitated.  
  
"Go on, it's a good idea." Misty pushed.  
  
"….I don't…."  
  
("Why not?")  
  
("Yeah, go on!") Chikorita shoved.  
  
"Do it!" Misty shouted.  
  
"NO!" Gary rose up in Sabrina's defence. "Why should she abuse her powers for your benefit? You have no right to demand that! Misty, you yourself said on the bus to Pallet that looking into Ash's diary is wrong, a betrayal, and now you want to pry into his mind itself?" Misty, Chikorita and Pikachu all cringed in shame, as the words sank in.  
  
"Misty, I'm surprised. I'd have thought by now you would have realised your fiery streak will get you in trouble, but you still don't have any idea how to control it do you? Think before you speak would you?" I take a deep breath, glad to have got the words off my chest, and wait for the response. Misty stares at me for a moment, and I meet the gaze, waiting for the snarling reply. Then…a tear runs down her face. She drops her head, and sniffs quietly. Quickly, I'm out of my seat and at her side, crouching down with my arm around her shoulders. "Sorry Misty, I didn't mean to snap at you."  
  
"It's okay Brock, (sniff) I had that coming to me. (hic)" I draw her into a full hug, letting her expel the frustrations, fears, anger at the last few days, the dashed hopes that the previous day and night had cured all ills.  
  
"No, you've been under too much stress. Of everyone you've felt this most, so it's unfair to go at you for feeling confused or angry." I see Sabrina and Gary slip away out of the corner of my eye to give Misty a little space. I silently thank them, Misty hates appearing weak to anyone, and to see them watching her in this state wouldn't help her. Chikorita leapt from her seat onto the table, and carefully climbed down into Mistys' lap, where she began nuzzling her gently as Pikachu petted her hair. Eventually, she calmed and lifted her head so her red-rimmed eyes met mine.  
  
"Sorry Brock, I don't know what came over me. Seeing Ash like this upsets me so much, I can't say anything when he's near me for fear of hurting him, but it's tearing me apart inside. I can't hold it…." I slowly help her to her feet.  
  
"Go and wash your face, and get changed, freshen up. I'll clear up here, and you'll feel better for a shower. And remember we're here for you when it gets too much, okay?" She just leaves quietly, head bowed. Chikorita murmurs to Pikachu who sets off after Misty, while Chikorita goes…out the back door. I wonder why?  
  
  
  
I walk into the back room, Sabrina behind me. I know, somehow, that Misty needs a little air, and although I'm still feeling irate at her demands against Sabrina, I let her have it. It's for the best after all, Ash needs Misty to be as ready as she can to come through this. I stop, and Sabrina moves around in front of me.  
  
"Gary, thanks for standing up for me." I colour at Sabrinas' compliment, and try to brush it off.  
  
"It was nothing."  
  
"No, it wasn't nothing. I would already have been combing through Ash's mind now if it wasn't for you. Brock wouldn't have had the wherewithal to break Mistys' build-up. You did it for me."  
  
"I think I was a little hard on her, maybe." A little worry creeps in. I know that she was being rash and headstrong, but perhaps I should have been a little kinder. It can't be easy living with your most treasured possession when he's going through such torment. It's just when she snapped at Sab, I had to stand up for her. I think I know why, but it must be obvious for a psychic like her. "She has been under lots of strain with Ash and everything…"  
  
"No!" I jump at the vehemence in Sabrinas' voice. She looks furious, but framed on her face is fear. She sighs deeply, before explaining. "You see, Gary, I hate being able to see into people's mind. I used to be cruel, manipulative, cold. I used my powers to exploit and toy with people. I want to rid myself of this, so others won't try to use it to their advantage. And when I look into others minds without their knowing, I feel like a spy, a voyeur. By asking me to do that Misty is asking me to compromise my very soul, whether she realises it or not." She brushes back a stray strand of black hair, the anger gone, sadness filling the void. I feel a deep sense of empathy for her, realising slowly that a gift is not always desired.  
  
"I had no idea that you felt that way, to others it seems like an unfair advantage. Then again, it only seems that way because they want the ability to fulfil their greed." She blinks slowly at this, perhaps it's the first time she's been able to let go of these fears to anyone. But I can see, see that there is more inside, trying to escape. Her hatred of her powers isn't limited to just the desire of others to abuse, is it? I take a deep breath, and step over the edge. "But there's more than that, Sab. What is it?" I see straight away that I've struck home. She slowly sits down on the sofa, still covered with a messy blanket, and I squeeze her to me. Something else is there, something gnawing away.  
  
"Well, I-I've always been a psychic, and so been singled out." She suddenly pushes herself against my side, as if she's afraid of me letting her go.  
  
"Go on Sab, I'm not going to let you go while you're like this. What is it?" She breathes in, but chokes for a second. I can feel her vibrating with some sort of energy, an it reminds me of Ash, Ash when he was holding back his fears, his secrets. Unconsciously, I lean my cheek on her hair, and squeeze her tighter still.  
  
"I-I've always been….alone….Everyone I meet is scared of me. They see me as freak, or someone evil. Even my parents are still afraid." She's lets out a few hiccoughs, and I let her continue. "I've never had the chance to love anyone, I'm just lonely, set apart from the world. All I want is to be a normal girl, to live and love without knowing what others are thinking, without people backing away when I want to talk. All my life I've been alone, and I can't take it any more…." Sabrina's voice broke. "I've been holding this in my throat for so long, for three long years, and I've never been able to tell anyone because no-one would understand." Before she could break completely I took hold of her and pulled her into a tight embrace.  
  
"I know, I understand. I've been known as an arrogant snob for years, I've always been on my own. My only family is Professor Oak, and he's too busy with his own projects too notice much else. I'd alienated myself from Ash, and my sister and I never saw eye to eye." I feel my own eyes sting, as the solitary existence of the last few years echoed back through my memory. She draws away, and we look at each other. Her eyes are shining despite the tears, and she looks as beautiful as anything I've ever seen, the sun in a summer sky, a shimmering twilight. I gulp at the sudden lump in my throat, and look away again. "Unlike you, my isolation was entirely my own fault. If I hadn't been so conceited, so vain I would have been able to see what was going on right in front of my eyes. But no, I was too selfish." I swallow back my voice, and stare back at her. She only smiles.  
  
"I chose initially to misuse my power, so we're equals. Don't blame yourself for mistakes you made when you were younger, it's the choices now we make that are important." The words wash over me, soothing as balm. A thought runs into my head, and after but a moments hesitation I make the decision. "Sab, I'd like you to look into my mind. I know we've only known each other for a short time, but tell me if you share these feelings too." She nods, and I can almost feel her combing my mind. After a few seconds, she breaks off the contact, and gazes at me with shining eyes.  
  
"With deep and unerring passion." She whispers, and I know that, well, time doesn't matter. It's the decisions you make, the feeling when you know something is simply right. And now, now is perfect.  
  
"You're right Sab, and that's why I must do this now…." I reach forward carefully, and tilt her head up a touch. "This is for a pair of lonely friends….." I reach forwards and place my lips on hers. She closes her eyes, and returns the kiss, until we slowly pull apart. I place a finger to her lips, and smile. "……who are lonely no longer." She just smiles in response, and puts her head on my shoulder.  
  
"Gary, you have no idea how much that means to me…" I silence her with another kiss. After we part, I wink at her.  
  
"I do, because it means exactly the same for me." I slide down to rest with my head on the side of the chair, and she slides down with me, to lay with her head on my ribs. I idly play with her hair as she sighs gently, eyes closed. It's a wonderful thing, that from every crisis comes hope.  
  
  
  
Pikachu, in pursuit of Misty, glanced into the front room to see Gary and Sabrina laying together on the settee, eyes closed. *Yep, definitely a double wedding….*  
  
  
  
Chikorita looked grimly up the tree, to Ash at the top. Well, if he wouldn't come to them….maybe Pikachu and Brock couldn't climb this tree, but she had something they didn't. Taking aim, she wrapped her vines around a thick branch eight feet up, and pulled herself up. Smiling grimly, she took aim at another branch further up, and ascended silently through the tree. Eventually, she arrived on the same branch of Ash, who wasn't even aware of her presence. She took a quick glance down, and shuddered, grass types not being too comfortable with heights as they are things they don't have to deal with regularly. Steadying herself, she walked up to Ash's back, and mindful of the effects being prodded suddenly had on people, instead coughed gently. Ash's head swivelled and focused on her. His eyes were still red, and hair in disarray. He turned back away from her, before talking.  
  
"Thought you'd come."  
  
("I couldn't leave you here. You need someone to talk to, I know that, and deep down you do too.")  
  
"I'm fine up hear by myself." Came the surly response. *But am I? Am I trying to hide from my shadow?*  
  
("Yeah.") Chikorita carefully, using a higher branch, levered herself to in front of Ash. ("And I can fly.") A gasp escaped as she saw him front on, his body again covered in scratches. ("Why do you hide away? By the time you told anyone last time you were ready to end it all.") *He's been scratching himself, I wonder how…ah!* Ash grunted in response, and then yelped in surprise as Chikorita's vine jerked his right hand, forcing him to drop the sharp stone clenched in it. ("I'm not letting you do that either. Do you know that you've driven Misty to tears by locking yourself up like this? And, she's not the only one…") Chikorita looked down, allowing a single teardrop to run off her face, and fall from the tree. ("You don't only hurt yourself by doing this.") Ash's head drooped at the accusation. *I'm doing this to them? But I swear that I've told them I'm not worth their worry, why don't they believe me? Don't they know that their love makes me feel unclean, undeserving?*  
  
"I know, I try to do it but all my life I've retreated from this, I don't know how to fight these feelings."  
  
("But you have to try! Misty is trying her hardest to control her anger for you, so can't you try and fight back? I want to see my Ash, the Ash I've always loved and worked with back again. Please?") the heartfelt plea smashed Ash straight between the eyes.  
  
"I'm trying Chikorita, but it's so hard." He clenched his fists again, trying not to cry. *Why do I feel I want to? I have no reason to mourn myself, yet I feel desire to. Perhaps my life isn't black and white after all….*  
  
("You have to let us help. I know you're confused, but so are we all.") Chikorita crawled into his lap. ("I can't understand now how you feel, but help us to try. You feel dirty when you think of Misty in…a certain way, yes?") Ash blushed in embarrassment, but nodded nonetheless. *That's it. I've been trying to work that out for hours, but couldn't see the wood for the trees.* ("You see yourself as being like your father. But Ash, the difference is that he acted on his first impulses, without thinking of your mother's feelings or anything but his own greed. You, you've thought of everyone else but yourself. Life is led on choices, and you've already proven yourself to be a better man than he ever was.") *You're a better man than I ever deserved too, I hope Misty realises what she has.* Chikorita thought, struggling to hold in a few dregs of bitterness still lingering after Ash chose Misty as his soulmate. Ashs' eyes widened, followed by a small grin, and he took hold of Chikorita tightly.  
  
"Thanks, thanks for believing in me Chikorita. I'd love to have that same belief, but please give me a little more time. Please?"  
  
("Ash, you've got all the time in the world, and all of us, all of us will wait for you until the end of time for you. Remember that.") Chikorita replied, smiling in unison. She took a quick glance down, and shuddered. ("Now can we get back to solid earth please? We grass types aren't used to being more than three feet from the ground you know.") Ash chuckled at the dry tone in her voice, and took her under one arm.  
  
"Yeah, let's go and get me some brunch. After that, I want to visit mum too. I hope she hasn't been wondering where I was yesterday." He set off down, still holding Chikorita.  
  
("Ash, wouldn't it be easier if I climbed down myself?")  
  
"Nah, Deliah here wouldn't let me fall." Chikorita looked up in incomprehension.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Deliah, the tree. I've climbed her for nine, maybe ten years and she never let me fall." Ash smiled.  
  
("Why did you name the tree Deliah?")  
  
"When I was small, my two favourite things were my mother and the tree. So, if my one favourite thing was called Deliah, then it made sense to a little kid to call his other favourite thing by the same name." Another chuckle. "It makes sense in another way really, after all, mum has given me support for all of my life and never let me fall." His expression darkened slightly. "I hope I can do the same for her…."  
  
  
  
Cross over, drop a stitch, re-cross…I hate knitting but at least it keeps my mind at bay, and there's nothing else to be doing in this room. I really don't want any thoughts right now, they leave a mark day or night. The feeling of fear and helplessness, as if the grim reaper himself was standing over me, hourglass and scythe in his hands, my life his to use as he pleases. To feel so abused, like a used tissue, to think that it's happened not only once but twice, and how Ash is coping with this too, oh damn! There I go again, wandering off and I've lost count again. When I become a grandmother I think I'll just by them from a clothes store and rough them up at the edges a bit! I look up from my idle knitting as the sound of a door being knocked echoes through my bland hospital room. At least I know I won't be looking at these four walls for much longer.  
  
"Come in!" The door creaks open, and there stands my son, with Pikachu riding high atop his shoulder, a small green pokemon who I don't recognise on his other shoulder, and several other faces peeking in behind him. "Ash!" I'm delighted to see him, I couldn't help but worry about him after yesterday, and it's nice to see him with a smile on his face. He shuffles in, closely followed by two other familiar faces, Brock and Misty. Brock looks genial as usual, but Misty somehow looks a little apprehensive. Normally we get on as if she was a daughter to me, but she's definitely nervous.  
  
"Hi mom." Ash takes his cap off and twiddles it absent-mindedly in his hands.  
  
"Hi there Mrs. Ketchum!"  
  
"Hi Deliah." I smile as Misty says that, I gave her expressed warning to not call me Mrs. Ketchum, as my son's prospective girlfriend it is a good idea to be her friend as well.  
  
"Mom, I'm, uh, sorry I didn't come in yesterday, something came up…" Ash looks uncomfortable, something definitely came up. Well, it can wait, for me getting information from Ash is like getting water from a sponge, most of it will leak out anyway.  
  
"No problem honey! I know you would have came in if it was possible, but it's obvious that it wasn't. I hope the house is still in one piece?"  
  
"I made sure of that, don't you worry!" Brock chips in. Misty mumbles something under her breath, something obviously not intended to be heard. Well, put two and two together.  
  
"Thank you Brock. Now Ash, would you introduce me to the new addition to your crew?"  
  
"Mom, this is Chikorita, Chikorita, Deliah Ketchum." I smile as Chikorita hops off Ash's shoulder, scurries up the bed and pecks me on the cheek.  
  
"Hi Chikorita! Oh, and may I say you're looking gorgeous today? Very much the lady of style!" She purrs like a cat and settles down next to me, watching me with happy eyes.  
  
"Uh, Deliah, how do you know she's a she?" Misty looks puzzled.  
  
"I get pokemon world monthly delivered, I don't know if you know it but you three are big news. Especially you Ash. They reported of new members of the crew when they reported your last few badges. Including a second rather determined female…." I wink at Misty, who blushes in response, while Pikachu makes the "I'm gonna be sick" gesture to Chikorita who she thinks is simpering up to me. Chikorita responds with a "bite me" gesture, and they give each other a brief glare. Looks like a little rivalry between these two. A move just inside the door catches my eye. "Oh, hi Gary! How did you get here?" I call out to one of two figures standing just outside.  
  
"Hi Deliah! Oh, and as for getting here, that's a very long story." He's followed in by a tall, slim girl with black hair.  
  
"Well, I'm sure you can fill me in sometime soon. And who is this young lady?" Gary and Sabrina colour slightly, there's some chemistry going on there, no doubt.  
  
"This is Sabrina. She's the Saffron City gym leader. And her story as to why she's here is almost as long as mine."  
  
"Really? Well, I'll hear it later. Right now, I'd like to speak to you two, alone." I gesture to Ash and Misty, who immediately look more than a little scared. "Don't worry, I won't bite your heads off!" They take up the two seats and without realising grab each other's hand. The others slowly filter out of the room, Pikachu after being blackmailed with ketchup, and Brock pulls the door shut. I turn my focus back on the two of them. "So, how long have you two been together?" Their reactions are pure crystal quality, Ash does a passable impression of a flytrap, and Misty blushes so much that she warms the room up.  
  
"Um, ah, about a month now mom." Ash eventually stammers in reply.  
  
"Yeah, about that." Misty agrees cheeks red as her hair.  
  
"H-how did you…"  
  
"Ash, I've been in love myself you know. It was clear as soon as you walked in the door, and every few seconds you glance at one another, just to make sure that you're both there. And maybe the fact I was in on the bet with Brock had something to do with it." Both of them face faulted. "I was on for the prize if you'd waited until you were sixteen, but Brock nailed it. Guess he knows you better than I do."  
  
"Uh…" Oh god I wish I had a camera. This is pure quality; even Pikachu never managed to shock them as well as this. Right, time for the serious stuff. I fix them with a steely gaze.  
  
"I want to know though, that you two haven't been…"  
  
"NO!" I'm astonished; Ash picked up the question first. I would've bet good money Misty would've picked it first, but Ash spotted it and sounded, well, panicked.  
  
"I'm glad. It would be a bit soon after all." Misty finally picks up the conversation and her eyes cloud over. Interesting.  
  
"Why are you so frantic Ash? It was just an innocent question after all…."  
  
"I don't want to talk about it!" Ash looks poised to flee at any second.  
  
"Easy tiger. I'm not going to make you talk of that subject if you don't want to. One other thing, I'm going to be able to come home today." Ash breaks out into a genuine smile. Misty on the other hand seems to have her mind on other things. Okay then; let's get rid of Ash for a little while…. "Ash dear, could you call up Professor Oak to come and pick us up? Then wait in the foyer for him? I'd like to talk to Misty for a few minutes." His dark eyes flash with suspicion.  
  
"What about?"  
  
"Oh, you know, girl stuff." To my surprise this doesn't phase Ash.  
  
"She's been telling me all that stuff for the last month so I don't think she'll mind." He's being stubborn as usual.  
  
"Well I don't think you've discussed this yet…" I cock an eyebrow, letting his imagination do the work.  
  
"Okay, okay. I'm not bothered, there's nothing we haven't discussed, but I can see where I'm not wanted." He spins on his heel, and crouches down to whisper something in Misty's ear. She nods a response, and he walks out the door. The door's shutting is shortly followed by a yell and a thud, and a muffled shout, sounding something like "CHIKORITA!"  
  
"What was that all about?" I ask Misty, whom grins just a little.  
  
"Chikorita has only been kept out of her pokeball for a month, and she isn't quite used to it. She does things like wait, lying down, right outside doors and silly things like that." I know that the only way to get Misty to answer the things I want to know is to get her to loosen up, so I search around for an appropriate topic. Ah!  
  
"Misty, I'd love to know how you and Ash eventually got together." She relaxes; I get the feeling this is her favourite story, the story she'll tell her grandchildren when they're growing up.  
  
"It'll take a while!"  
  
"Well dear, I've got nothing to do for now….."  
  
  
  
I wipe a tear away as Misty's tale comes to an end. I feel like a teenage girl again, after hearing a love story straight out of a romance novel. "Amazing. I can't believe that you came so close to breaking up for good."  
  
"Yeah, I still feel a little guilty, but then think that if it wasn't for my dumb mistakes we might not be a couple." I feel that it's time to broach a difficult subject.  
  
"Do you feel for Ash in a physical way as well?" the question catches her off balance, and she staggers for a reply.  
  
"Uh, a little I'll admit. We've kissed passionately but that's all."  
  
"What about Ash?" There, it's in the air, let's see what she says.  
  
"Uhhh, ummmm, he-he seems around the same as me."  
  
"You don't sound sure."  
  
"Well yeah, I guess I'm sure." She tries to smile, but I can see straight through it, something hurts. Hurts badly.  
  
"Come on Misty, I know you're lying! If there's something wrong with my son then I should know!" I regret sounding so sharp but it needs to be done.  
  
"I c-can't. I made a promise…." She drops her head, red hair falling veil- like across her face.  
  
"What promise?" My tone is tender again, gently pressing her on.  
  
"I-I can't say, It'd betray Ash." She sniffs a little, and wipes her eyes.  
  
"You can say, I promise you." She wipes her face again, she really is being hurt by something. "Come on dear, you can tell me." She lets out a single sob, and hesitantly raises her head to look back at me.  
  
"H-he made me promise I wouldn't say anything to make you worry about him…" I feel my own face flush.  
  
"Misty, tell me what's wrong. Not just between you and him, everything." The dam broke, and the truth seemed to gush out in a tsunami of boiling fear.  
  
"W-well, yesterday he went sort of mad, kept saying he was a stain, and…cut himself with glass. He told me about what happened to you and how he was born and how he never wanted to be born and that he hated himself and he didn't know how you could love him and that if anyone found out they would hate him and that every time he thinks of you he feels like he's attacking you and hurting you and raping you and, and, and….." Ignoring the sharp complains from my ribs I reach forwards and pull Misty to me, and she buries her face in my chest, sobbing hysterically. Slowly, she calmed down enough for me to speak.  
  
"Come on Misty, you need to let it out. You can tell me." She gulped once, and nodded.  
  
"And, and he….he tried to slit his wrists. Twice, and I stopped him. I came so close to losing him…" I once again held the sobbing girl as my own tears began to fall. Ash, nearly killed himself? My boy, my greatest pride and joy, he nearly committed suicide? "A-after I'd saved him, we woke up this morning and he looked at me sleeping, and then he went mad trying to was himself, he said he was trying to remove the dirt, and then he cut himself again. Gary said it was because he thought of me in a sexual way and thought he was turning into his father and I'm so scared he'll never be able to love me again because he doesn't want to be like him….." Misty broke off, burying her face again. I silently stroked her hair, waiting for her to calm as my own cheeks became wet. Eventually, she raised her beautiful face again, looking guilty. Sensing her need I quickly reassured her.  
  
"Honey, you haven't betrayed Ash, I needed to know this. Come on, dry your tears, I'll dry mine, and we'll get ready for Oak to arrive. We can't go out of here looking lie we've just watched "Titanic" can we? She smiles a little, and I pull out my make-up bag from the drawer. We just finish patching up when Ash comes back in.  
  
"Hey! The car's here…what's wrong Misty?" Looks like Ash knows Misty so well that he won't be fooled by a little make-up.  
  
"I-I was just being told about how you two got together, and you know how us girls get at a story like that." He raises an eyebrow, unconvinced, but lets it drop as he helps me out of bed, and towards the door. So, I'm finally going home, and then I'm going to have to sort a few things out with a few family members, present or future. Hopefully by doing that I can exorcise my bad memories and dreams, but all that I care about right now is being home with the ones I love.  
  
Okay, see you soon! 


	5. Burning my soul

Hi! It's me again, and I've finished part V (finally!)  
  
I had an e-mail off someone asking if I'd copied Llyxius's story, and I'd like to say that I honestly didn't. I'll agree that the excellent fanfic did influence the route down which I went (it was initially going to be very different from this.) but I did not copy in any way. I hope this clears it up!  
  
So, on with the last true part of Scar tissue. There will be an epilogue, which I should write soon. Thanks to all my reviewers, and please remember to R&R this chapter whether you enjoyed this or not!  
  
Ages - Ash - 14  
  
Misty - almost 15  
  
Brock - 18  
  
Gary - 15  
  
Sabrina - 17  
  
Deliah - 35  
  
(I have added to the emotional age of these characters, as no matter what they say in the anime living a nomadic, fighting existence is bound to make you grow up fast. And it is true that Chikorita is now my favourite Pokemon, she really grew on me as I wrote this!)  
  
Scar Tissue - Part V.  
  
I'm sat naked in darkness, once again. It seems so familiar, it always visits me in my dreams, but at the same time I'm so lost, alone, scared. I know this nightmare world as well as my own now, but I can never feel at home, as long as these shadows flit in and out of focus, seen but never understood. A blinding light, light surrounding me. I see stars, suns, glaring down at me, bathing me in light. Misty, Brock, Chikorita, Pikachu, mom, Sab, Gary. They all seem to watch me, waiting for my next move. I don't know what to do; it's tearing me apart. I want to rush to them, embrace them, but I'm so dirty, impure, I don't want to sully their glory. But the temptation, to escape from this world of haunting shadows and ghosts, it drives me on. I run towards them, waving, calling them, begging them to stay. But the light grows intense, burning through my shut eyelids. I throw my hands in front of my face, trying to shield myself, but they are as effective as panes of glass. I have  
to back away, and gradually the stars wink out, one by one, until the darkness returns. I collapse to the floor, and scream at the darkness to leave me, but it seeps back unheeding, like blood under a closed door. Putting my hands to my ears, I try to block out the whispers flowing around me, but still hear them, taunting, slowly breaking my spirit, making my life ebb away....  
  
"Ahhhh!" Ash sat bolt upright on the settee in the back room, face glistening with sweat. *That dream again, ever since I've got home it visits me every night, unrelenting. Why can't I get some rest?* He swung his legs around, and stared around the dark room, glad to see no ghostly figures. But none the less, the shadows still danced on the edge of his vision, hiding in the corners and cupboards.... Scurrying across the room, he hit the light switch, bathing the world in yellow light. Not as blinding as the light in his dream, but enough to comfort him. He looked at the clock, and groaned. Twenty to two in the morning. He'd only been asleep for 2 hours, and felt like never returning to the subconscious world again. But for something to do, anything. Stumbling across the room, he turned on the television, and pushed the volume down to almost zero. *Don't want to wake anyone up, it's not worth their worry. Besides, I don't think I could stand mum or Mist fussing around me, or  
shouting at me for being up so late, or early, whatever At least Gary and Sab are staying at his house. But can I stand my own company either?* Something on Pokemon breeding was on the television, and Ash wathced it half-heartedly, letting himself zone out, trying to sleep without closing his eyes. But the thoughts tormenting him wouldn't go away. *I'm still the son of my father, and no number of promises can deny that fact. Do I hate myself? I hate my father, and I hate who I am, but do I hate...me? Can you loathe yourself?* For the first time since he'd tried to slash his wrists with a blade of glass, he surveyed himself, and felt disgust at his arms, his legs, his entire body. *I do I hate myself. My very being. I'm a blemish, that's what. I'll never be good for anything, as I'm created from the very worst mankind has. This isn't a decision born from a fit of anger, this is a measured decision, so maybe it's true, all of it...* He got up off the settee, and walked slowly  
out of the room, down the corridor, and into the kitchen. His hand moved automatically to a drawer, and drew out something which glinted cool silver under the stars. *Mom, Misty, don't think badly of me. I need to do this, I can't take this pressure, this pain without doing something to ease it.* He gently, almost tenderly placed the knife onto his arm and slowly used the point to scrape himself. *This is control. Something my father never had, something I must prove I have over myself to never be what he was.* He raised his arm again, and just stayed that way under the moonlight, slowly scraping away the words that died unsaid, morals misunderstood....  
  
"Aaah, I feel better now." Brock gushed, swinging his legs off the foldout bed and stretching his arms to the ceiling as the morning sun washed over him. He won't be feeling better if he keeps making all that noise, I want to sleep some more. But, as always, once the sun gets into my eyes and my mind wakes, it's not happening. Especially with things the way they are at the moment. I lazily watch Brock get up and wander over to the bathroom. The door shuts, and I can hear a tap running, and Chikorita rolls over beside me, sighing blissfully at the welcome rays of sunshine. Heh, the amount of times over the last four years that I've wished for hot, running water, a soft bed and breakfast that doesn't taste like dog food marinated in someone's armpit. Not that Brock can't cook, no, he's a good cook, but even the finest gourmet couldn't cook up a tastebud tantelising delight with week-old sausages and rancid butter. But I'd trade it all in now to be back on the road now, with  
Ash picking me wild flowers, not shutting himself away and cutting himself. The last thought echoes into my head and rings an alarm bell. We agreed to leave him down there by himself, for the whole night....Panic seeps into the front of my mind and before I can draw another breath I'm out of bed, sending Chikorita into a heap of blankets with a squeal of surprise, pounding down the stairs. I skid around the corner at the bottom of the stairs, pound down the passage, crash open the door, and look into Ash's bemused hazel eyes as he pecks idly at a bowl of cornflakes. Gasping for breath, I feel so foolish, going wild like that without a calming thought. But none the less, looking at Ash closely, he seems to have a hint of guilt on his face. I settle down into a seat, feeling my face flush, and without realising it, I'm watching him closely. He shuffles under my keen gaze, and tries to deflect my attention.  
  
"Why the rush this morning? You look like you'd woken up next to a caterpie!"  
  
"Well, I uh, I wanted to get down here before you ate all the breakfast!" I know it's a poor attempt at a comeback, but he doesn't seem to notice. He looks down again, and picks at his cornflakes.  
  
"I'm not hungry anyway. Do you want these? I haven't touched them, they've only just had the milk put on them." He pushes his plate towards me, but I shake my head.  
  
"No worries, I'll get my own. Besides, since when has Ash Ketchum not been hungry?" Glancing at him, he seems to have let the joke blow straight through him, and he's fiddling lazily with the sugar bowl. Hmmm, looks like he's not getting over anything at the moment. "Toast?" I ask, popping two slices into the toaster. He just shakes his head. Maybe a little persuasion is in order. "Ah, come on Ash, we can't have you getting ill this close to the Johto tournament can we?" Still silence. "How's about with a little jam, or marmalade?" Still, nothing. I can feel my face flush, and my pulse start racing. "Ash Ketchum, you will eat something this instant!" He just gets up slowly, and walks to the door.  
  
"Give it to Pikachu." With that he steps out into the garden, pulling the door gently behind him. My fury threatens to boil out of control, and I throw the butter knife across the room in frustration. It's just not fair, why can't he listen to me? Why? A bitter sensation sweeps into my mind, sharp and unforgiving on the tastebuds of the mind, and before I could attempt to rein it in, a tear slipped down my cheek. I leant hard on the sink, ignoring the bread slowly cooling from the toaster, and stared out of the window at a figure slowly climbing up the tree.  
  
("Misty, you okay?") Chikorita jumped up onto the sideboard and studied me critically.  
  
"He drives me crazy...." I growl, still eyeing the tree.  
  
("That's why you love him.") Chikorita shook her head, turning to look at the tree. ("I know and you know, Pikachu knows, so does everyone, and deep down he does too.")  
  
"I wish that made it easier...."  
  
"Gary, do we have to go around today? You know that I'm going to have Brock and Pikachu harassing me to scan Ash's mind." I wait for his response, trying to not let my subconscious rob the answer from him before he can speak.  
  
"Sorry, but Ash needs everyone around him that can be there. Don't forget, that includes you too." He smiles coyly, and again, I feel a jolt of pleasure. There's something there, just something about his red-brown hair, the way he looks at me, means I can't argue with him for long.  
  
"It's not only that, it's the effects of everyone's psyche. Deliah is upset and still quite distressed, Brock and Pikachu radiate concern, and Misty and Chikorita are possessed by fear, anger, frustration and love, wound into a corkscrew which bores into my skull. Ash, Ash is as bad as all of them combined. He carries an aura so dark, contradictory, hostile that it scares me. It can be almost terrifying caught in such a swirling, seething mass of emotion, and trying to think consciously through it all."  
  
"I wish I could help Sab, I really do. I want to relieve the stress form you, but I don't know how." He looks so guilty, like he's to blame.  
  
"Don't go thinking your responsible for my psychic headache, I invited myself along to this, it's my problem." I brush my hair back and prepare to tie it up into a ponytail for a change.  
  
"But doesn't sharing a problem help?" The sentence echoes in my mind, and before I even think, words burst out of my mouth.  
  
"There is something...."  
  
"What?" Shouldn't have opened my mouth. He's looking at me eagerly, and I know I'm going to have to tell him. I don't want him to even consider it, but it's tempting none the less.  
  
"There is a technique, which pairs of Pokemon use. It's called a scope link. Basically, two Pokemon, only one needs to be psychic, focus on each other and the psychic, through trust and mutual consent, link part of their subconscious minds. This means that, whenever the psychic mind is at rest, it feels only what is in their own mind and that of their partner. Think of it like, say, a CD player. You can detach it if you want to hear or focus on something else, but slip the headphones back on to drown out that which you want to ignore." His face brightens, and I know what he's going to say, psychic or not. "But Gary, the side effect is that you will never be able to conceal anything, any emotion, thought or desire. Even a psychic has limits, but when two minds are bound by a scope link, the entire psyche is an open book. But to break the bond can lead to insanity, amnesia and strokes, so the link can only be broken by death." Suddenly, in a blur he grasps me tightly by my  
shoulders, making me gasp. He leans in so his lips are barely a hair's breadth from my ear, and whispers.  
  
"Read my mind, Sab. Tell me yourself if we're ready to lay ourselves in each other's mind." Our eyes meet, and I stroke his mind, tender as a feather on a cheek. Yes, that's all I need to know.  
  
"Yes." In response, he leans forwards, and brushes my lips with his, the very faintest of touches powerful as an army.  
  
"Let's do it." He backs away a little, and we lock eyes. Slowly, I let my mind breathe over his, trying to find the link, a thought or desire strong enough we both share to ground the link on, and find it. An ethereal glow fills the room, and slowly builds to a blinding light, shimmering as the sun viewed from underwater. Then a flash of white.....  
  
Consciousness slowly filters back, and I feel myself stir. Gradually opening my eyes, I scramble up into a sitting position. Something is different, I'm experiencing a new feeling. Peace, silence in my mind. How long I've waited for the sound of silence. To not have a constant murmuring in the corner of my head, the resonance created by millions of living souls. Memory returns, and I glance down at my partner, who is still sleeping soundly. Thanks to him, I can finally attain some peace. He stirs, and I can feel his mind awaken, read the thoughts flitting by. A moment of emptiness, then confusion, then perplexion as he feels my thoughts, and finally connection. He looks up at me and grins, and I grin back, feeling his pleasure soothe me.  
  
*Looks like that worked.* I read the thought skittering into his brain.  
  
"Seems that way doesn't it?" I reply, and my smile broadens as he looks puzzled. "Hey, keep your thoughts down! Some people would like a little peace y'know." The sentence clicks, and he chuckles.  
  
*This is going to take some getting used to.*  
  
*It'll be second nature soon.*  
  
*I don't think we should go round to see the others yet though, Sab.*  
  
*Why?*  
  
*They'll think I'm crazy, having half-spoken, half telepathic conversations with you.*  
  
*Okay, fair enough. Let's give it a while.* He looks at me, and I can feel his mind blush.  
  
*Ummm, I think I'm going to have to take a cold shower.* He tried to keep that one to himself, that's for sure.  
  
*I heard that!* I giggle as he looks bashfully back at me.  
  
*Uh, I'm a teenager alright? We discussed this about Ash before, remember?* I try soothing his embarrassment.  
  
*Now you know why it's usually paired Pokemon who do this link.* He shifts uncomfortably, and I don't think that the way my conscious mind is screaming with laughter helps.  
  
*God, what have I gotten myself into?*  
  
*Should've thought of that before you agreed to the link....*  
  
*No, I don't regret it Sab, never think that I regret doing this for you.* I know he's sincere, and he knows that I know. So what more is there to say?  
  
*...I can see that conversation is going to be interesting too.*  
  
*Yeah. So, why don't you go get that cold shower while I get us some breakfast?* I can't stop giggling as he glowers at me, but soon he joins me in laugher.  
  
*Deal. But try to keep your mind on the toaster and not on me.*  
  
*It's not like you can stop me...* I haven't had this much fun in ages, he's now turned a deep crimson.  
  
*Well, uh, fine! Get your popcorn ready, this week's main feature, Gary Oak in the shower! Rated 18 certificate, may be unsuitable for those of a nervous disposition.* I'm crying with laughter as he shoots me a dry look and heads off up the stairs, and eventually I peel myself off the floor and go to get breakfast. Samuel Oak, who is living here too gazes at me with confusion over a bowl of shreddies when I burst out laughing, butter knife in hand, as I see Gary under the flow of hot water, singing "I'm every woman". Oh, and doing it very badly, using a shampoo bottle as an impromptu microphone, and then his response of *nice harmony* when I telepathically fill in the backing vocals. This is certainly going to be an interesting life.  
  
The soup bowl clinks as I place it on the draining board, and I reach back into the greasy water to pull out another dish. Yep, as usual, Brock Slate doing the dirty work. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I always seem to get into the most tricky situations don't I? It's been five days since Deliah came home, and ever since then I've been getting more and more worried about Ash. He's always up before anyone else, goes to bed last, doesn't eat breakfast, hardly nibbles lunch and often skips tea. The only other times he hasn't eaten when he had the chance were the day before the Indigo tournament and when he had a severe fever for a week in Johto. But what sin did I perform to get me thrown into the middle of four women, all out-stressed by the same boy who just happens to be my best friend? Pikachu, Deliah, Chikorita and especially Misty have noticed Ash's odd behaviour, and are getting even more concerned. Me? I'm concerned as well of course, but I let my own fear get  
shunted to the back of my mind so I can look after them. Pikachu isn't so much of a problem, she's more pragmatic than the other two, not as highly strung. She can see that panicking won't do a great deal of good but still worries and can get a little sparky at times. Deliah, she seems okay, she's convinced Ash will come around like he did when he was younger, and I think so too. Chikorita, if anyone, is the one who is keeping Ash together. She takes him food even when he's hidden in his room or up a tree, and cajoles him, smoothes his ruffled feathers. She's even closer to him than Pikachu now, and although she has a big temper and can be impulsive, she's kept it down and given him strength. Not to say she isn't scared. I idly picked another dinner plate out of the sink and rubbed it over. The conversation we'd had last night, she cried for hours, she could hardly speak. I had to talk to her gently, pet her, do every breeders trick in the book to calm her. She's in touch  
with her emotions, and I've often come into a room to see her deep in thought, or even sobbing into a pillow, and she only bolts them away when needed. But that's where Misty worries me. She's permanently on the point of snapping, she quivers with anger and barely has a civil word for anyone. But while Chikorita only keeps rein on her feelings when she needs to, Misty hasn't released any feelings for a while. Misty only goes one way after pegging herself in, and that's through the roof. While Ash would fold, the gnawing of his self-doubts and fears getting on top of him, Misty flares up like dry brush in a forest fire. When she does explode, someone is going to get burnt. I fish the last spoon out of the sink, and pull the plug. Something will break soon. Whether it's Ash's resolve (which I doubt, if Misty hadn't unwittingly stepped on the mine we'd still be wondering what was wrong in the first place) Chikorita's belief (not likely either, given her determination, and the  
fact that she'll still come and cry on my shoulder if she needs to) or Misty's temper (I think we have a winner.) It's all going to be very....interesting.  
  
*Come on, let's go round.* I turn around to see Sabrina dressed in some of May's clothes. They're not a bad fit either, and she needed another set of clothes. Her usual outfit was getting a little over-worn.  
  
*It's really weird to see your girlfriend dressed like your sister, I don't know if I should kiss you or run a mile.* She smiles, and uses her psychic powers to adjust her hair into a duplicate of the one in my sister's picture on the mantelpiece. *Okay, now I'm scared.*  
  
*Shame I don't know how she sounds, I'm a master at imitating voices too.*  
  
*Now that would be too scary, you don't know my sister....I'd rather you weren't her!* We share a final smile, and I open the door for her to walk through. *See, I am the perfect gentleman!*  
  
*If that's so, why didn't you hold my coat ready for me?* She raises an eyebrow at me.  
  
*Because I only do that when there's a handbag to go with it, or it doesn't seem right.* I mimic her expression. In response, an empty handbag flies straight into her hands, and she winks sweetly.  
  
*Well?* She sweeps out of the door, and I follow her out, pulling it shut.  
  
Great, I have to choose the most intelligent prodigy in Kanto for a girlfriend.  
  
*I heard that!*  
  
"Chikooo..." Chikorita moaned, slumped on the sofa, face buried into the cushion. She'd taken the last twenty minutes trying to persuade Ash to eat, and managed to get him to finish a bowl of cornflakes, but it had been tiring, and hard to hear that the one she held dearest didn't want to eat. But the most frightening thing happened as she walked in, bowl held aloft in her vines, and seen him slipping a shirt over his head. *He's got scratches all over his body. He's been doing it again, no matter what I say, what I do. Am I doing this in vain? Is there any point? I can't tell Misty, or Deliah, or Pikachu, what do I do?* The door creaked open, and Brock crept in, seeing her lying in an attitude of total desolation.  
  
"Hey, Chikorita..." He broke off as she broke into squeaking sobs, and just sat down next to her, running a hand over her leaf. "What is it?"  
  
"I-I went up t-to get him to eat, and as I w-w-went in he was putting a-a s-shirt on..."  
  
"Go on..." Chikorita threw herself into his side, still sobbing.  
  
"He-he's been cutting himself, cutting himself! Again! He's covered in scratches and sores and welts and scars and I don't know what to do Brock, I don't know what to do...."  
  
"Keep faith in him, you know we have to. If we give up on him, who else will get him through it?" For the first time, she didn't seem to respond to this, her eyes downcast.  
  
"I can't help thinking now, what if it's all in vein? If he drives himself to the point of no return? Every day, his face becomes a little thinner, paler, he fades a little more, and I can' t help seeing him drift away..." Brock studied her face closely, becoming anxious. Chikorita in general were determined and stubborn as anything else on earth, and to see this one in particular wilting was a distressing sight.  
  
"Don't even start thinking that. But something does need to be done. Sab and Gary have just got here, we're gonna have a quick discussion, all of us, about Ash. Come on, you're gonna have to explain to everyone what you saw." Picking her up, he giggled as she tickled his neck with her leaf.  
  
"Who'd have thought it, this little Chikorita being the first one to fold." He joked.  
  
"Hey! That's below the belt!" Chikorita growled back.  
  
"Just making you realise, realise what you almost believed for a second then." Brock let his point sink in.  
  
"Okay, okay. But everyone had doubts, don't they?" She extended her vines to pull the door open, and he carried her through it.  
  
"It's only when you let doubts become beliefs that the problems begin."  
  
"I feel like I've let him down..." Seeing Chikorita begin to crumble again, Brock broke in quickly.  
  
"You of anyone has done the best job of keeping him up, so don't doubt yourself either!" Seeing her expression brighten again, he scooped her up higher, and sat her on his shoulder. "Now let's go and sort this out."  
  
I push the kitchen door open, and set eyes on the group around the table. Deliah, seeming pensive. Gary and Sabrina, sat close together, somehow different...Pikachu sat on the table, ears twitching, and Misty tense as a bowstring. Chikorita jumped onto the table, and I took a seat near Misty.  
  
"So, we've got to work out what to do about...Ash." Deliah began quietly, before Brock broke in.  
  
"Chikorita has something she needs to tell you all, about Ash. I'll translate."  
  
("I wen into his room to get him to eat, and as I walked in he had his shirt half-off. He's covered in fresh scratches.") A foreboding silence ensued, and I could see Gary and Sabrina staring intensely at each other, before nodding in agreement. Odd, how could Gary have a psychic conversation with her? He's never been a psychic as far as I'm aware.  
  
"The key lies with you two." Gary pointed first at Misty, then Deliah as he spoke. You two are the main reasons for what is going on, although it's not in any way your fault. That means you're going to have to work together on it, at the same time." Misty reared up at what she perceived to be a demand.  
  
"What right have you to order me to do what you want? I'm just a pawn now am I?"  
  
"No, you're the queen, and your king is in danger, and it's up to you to save him." Gary bit back.  
  
"The other thing is he's being perfectly logical. Pikachu and Chikroita have been helping him eat, keeping his spirits up. Brock has tried speaking to him, and does all his chores for him. Gary's tried reasoning, and I've tried using psychic communication, and none of it has been successful. It's down to you two." Sabrina smoothly elaborated. Another period of silence, before Deliah spoke up in a timid voice.  
  
"But you two really can't understand, how it is to go through this." Sabrina turned to her.  
  
"Pardon me, but I do. It's been clear from the moment we met to me and since Gary linked his mind to mine, he understands too."  
  
("Gary linked minds with you?") Pikachu gasped, and I translated.  
  
"Yes, but its not the time for that now. Deliah, I feel your pain, but do you want to lose your only son? Misty, I understand your anger but will you let that get between you and the love of your life?" Sabrina looked from one to the other. Deliah nodded without a moment of hesitation. Misty's aqua eyes faded out of focus for just a moment, but then she nodded too.  
  
"Okay, what you need to do is keep your ears and eyed open, find some time when you can get him on his own, and he can't really leave. Then it's up to you two to do it for him....."  
  
*The nightmare, light evaporating, shadows and whispering voices descend again, sweeping in and out of focus, but never really leaving....*  
  
I shoot straight upright, feeling cold sweat run down my face. It's been this way every night, every single night for more than a week. I don't know how long I can take it, take any more. The very thought of sleeping makes my blood run like liquid ice through my veins. Slowly my vision clears, and I take in my surroundings. I'm still sleeping here, on the sofa. I insisted that Misty takes my bed, and that Brock has the foldout bed in the same room. They think I'm being nice, but it's actually because I don't want them to be woken up by me every night, a whimpering, shivering, broken mess. Also, it allows me to have a little peace to do what I feel I have to. I pull myself up, and shudder in the cold. Winter is definitely beginning to announce its presence. It's so dark tonight.....I suddenly feel like every inch of the room is watching me, cloaked by the night, and I hurry across the room to turn on the light, feeling my heart pound in my chest. Something deep within  
sniggers that I'm being a fool, but it seems to me like the fine line between dream and reality is becoming blurred. It's not true that Misty or my mother shine like stars, but whenever I get too close to them I feel blinded by something, and I have to step away. No, they are stars, they do shine. They shine within, inside them is a heart of gold, a wondrous soul. They wash away my demons, but whenever I try to get close, their light blinds my unworthy eyes. It's the same with all of them, Misty, Brock and Chikorita in my room, Pikachu and my mother in her room, Gary and Sab staying over at professor Oak's house, they all light up the world. I on the other hand....I shudder as I glance at my shoulders and arms, and then down at the rest of me. I've been told by them all that they don't see me as being dirty or distasteful in the least, but I know I'm a blight on Pallet town, and that I should never have been here. The self-revulsion pushes me through the door to the room and  
up the passage into the kitchen. There, my hand moves unbidden to the cutlery drawer, and pulls out a bread knife. My eyes close in preparation for the blissful pain I'm about to endure, my payment for the crime, for the life sentence. I push the serrated edge to my forearm, and drag it downwards, just breaking the skin in places. I take care to stop short of my wrist, as it could be seen there. No one else seems to know I'm still doing this, but that's how I want it. I never wanted anyone to pity me, when have I been worth that. I start again, this time high on my arm, and scrape down, enjoying the almost evocative feeling of pain. I can feel the urge to weep climbing through my chest, but I suppress it by drawing the knife down harder. It used to relieve some of the pressure, but today, I don't know why, but it doesn't. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of hating myself, tired of feeling unworthy, tired of being tired. I've only got twelve hours of sleep in the last  
eight days since mom came home. My knife doesn't want to help any more, it can't help. But it must, I can't take this, take the screaming of my mind. I begin to dig deeper, pull it faster, twist it, turn it, desperately trying to find some way, any way of relieving this pain within. But it grows now, fuelled still further by the agony of my body, burning the few barricades which still stand between me and loss of control. The world spins wildly, a red mist descending over my vision, throat burning, eyes stinging. I grip the knife still more firmly, and am about to do something, anything, throw it across the room, throw it at myself, find someone to throw it at, plunge it deep into my chest, when I hear a noise, shocking me back into reality. A door opening, and footsteps. Feet descending the stairs. In a panic, I run into the back room to the side of the kitchen, and hide behind the door. The feet come to the bottom of the stairs, and then there is a pause. I forgot to turn  
the light out in the front room. Whoever it is, no, I know who it is, can see that I'm not there, and she is going to be worried. The kitchen door slides open, and she sweeps into the room, red hair now in shades of charcoal and chalk under the moonlight. It catches her beauty, and I wish that time could stand still, to see her framed by moonlight, gazing wistfully out of the window at the black sky for all eternity. She takes a glass from the draining board, fills it with water, and drinks slowly. Finishing it, she sighs and wipes her mouth with her sleeve before putting it back down on the draining board. She turns, steps forwards, and pauses. Cautiously, she crouches down and lifts her foot up, tilting it so she can see the sole. She takes a quick glance, and then looks down at the floor. From here, in the crack between the door and its' frame, I can see the dark spot on the floor and on her pale foot. Blood. Damn. She stands up again, and turns around to look back at the  
sink. To one side, there is a draw still open, and she goes to look inside it, and puts two and two together. I'm so stupid. Leaving the light on to tell the word I'm awake, leaving the cutlery draw open to show what I'm doing, and leaving an accusing trail of blood behind to tell her where I am. I can see her eyes follow the trail, and know full well what she knows. Then...she turns around and goes out of the door, and I can hear her quietly moving up the stairs. Obviously she doesn't care, maybe she's realised me for what I am. Well, why would she want to see my anaemic face in the middle of the night? I've hardly eaten for six days, I've barely slept for a week, so I can see why she's not bothered by me. I creep back into the kitchen, and survey the scene. The knife drawer, I can shut that now. But I can't clean the knife without making noise so that'll have to wait. But what about the floor? My chest is still weeping blood slowly, and although it's not life threatening I  
can't clean the floor yet. And how do I clean myself up? It'll have to wait, I'm going to have to go back to my room and wait for a while. I creep through the still open door, and sneak down the passage to my temporary bedroom, back to sanctuary....  
  
"Ash, enough hiding. We're sorting this out now!" I spin to see my mother and Misty stood on the stairs, arms folded. What can I do? I can't run, fight or play innocent, the dagger is stained and held accusing in my grip, body running red, and nowhere to go....  
  
"Ash, that's enough hiding. We're sorting this out now!" Ash spun around, to see Deliah standing half way down the stairs watching him, Misty at her side. His hazel eyes instantly dropped with guilt, and the knife fell with a clatter from his grip. Misty slipped down to the bottom of the stairs, and grasped him gently by his unresisting hand.  
  
"Come on, in here Ash. You've done this to yourself for long enough." She led him into the room, and sat on the sofa, still covered with blankets and cushions in disarray, dragging him down too. Deliah silently moved out into the kitchen, and pulled out a bowl and towel from a cupboard. Half filling the bowl with water, she carried it down the passage and into the room, where Ash still sat in a coma-like state, Misty caressing his hand. She dipped the towel into the water, and began cleaning off his body.  
  
"Ash, Ash, Ash. You've really been a silly boy this time haven't you?" The tone of voice, unheard for a long time, took him by surprise. As if he was five again, and she was tending to a scraped knee, or a scratched arm. "After all this you go and do something silly." The sound, reminding of a happy past, carefree and simple, wound its way deep into his soul, stirring fresh memories, feelings. It swirled like smoke, easing through the walls within as if they were mere images, soothing things deep within. She finished washing him off, and dropped the towel on the ground. "There, that's better isn't it?" He nodded silently, eyes cast to the floor and hands wringing each other. Misty smiled slightly. Sabrina had advised that the first thing to do was get Ash thinking like he was a child again, and Deliah, along with his exhaustion, had done it perfectly. Thinking like this, he couldn't try complex reasoning or concealment. Just like a child, slowly but surely, he could be  
overcome.  
  
"You really have been a silly boy." She put in, but with a gentle tone. He just nodded again, fixed in a posture of abject disgrace. Yes, the last week had taken its toll.  
  
"Why babe?" Deliah cooed gently.  
  
"Because I hate myself." Came the mumbled response.  
  
"Come on, you can tell me."  
  
"My father, he was a bad man, and I'm-I'm worse, I think about things which are wrong." He shuddered, biting his lip.  
  
"What things?" Misty eased up to him, and brushed a wayward strand of coal hair out of his face.  
  
"About you, and-and sex." As Ash turned his head away, Misty almost smiled. The shyness was almost cute, if he hadn't been so devastated.  
  
"Ash, I'll tell you this, I've thought about you the same way." His head snapped up and around again, and he stared at her in shock.  
  
"B-but...?"  
"It's normal. I do it, Brock does it, Gary, Sabrina all do about someone or other. Why do you think that you doing it is so wrong?" he blinked a few times, trying to fathom a response.  
  
"But my dad, he did it to mom..."  
  
"That's the first difference. You only thought it, he went too far and did something." Deliah broke in.  
  
"What if I turn out like him?"  
  
"That's purely up to you." Misty stated bluntly. *Time for part two, bring him round to the present.* "It's your choice as a young man Ash. If you were ever to do it, it would be your choice not his."  
  
"What?!" Ash Gasped as the thought flitted into his mind.  
  
"If you're scared of the potential for you to do something like that, think that everyone has the potential to do it. Brock, Gary, me...." Misty closed her eyes, and breathed out slowly. "You know, once when you were sleeping, I actually thought for a second about taking your virginity without your consent? For a fleeting second, my physical desires overtook my conscious mind? I've had that on my conscience ever since." She reached down onto the settee, and picked up the bloodstained knife. "It's a feeling, a pressure which still lingers. And now I ask myself, does that make me as bad as your father?" She looked him in the eye, punching a hole through his heart. After a second, she looked away and down at the knife in her hand with a curious expression. "I've wondered if I can release my pain another way." She slipped the long shirt off over her head, and let it fall to the floor, leaving her dressed only in underwear. She slowly placed the serrated edge on her fair, soft  
skin, and gazed up at him again. "Agony of body or agony of mind, I wonder which is sweeter?" The points pressed downwards into her flesh, and the skin stretched to breaking point...  
  
"NO!" Ash grabbed the knife and threw it across the room. "I can't let you do this!"  
  
"Why not?" Misty feigned surprise.  
  
"You're too beautiful to scar yourself like that!" Ash growled, still holding her arm.  
  
"But I'm a disgrace! I'm guilty of thinking such things..."  
  
"You're not! Every second of every day, it's obvious what you are! My angel...you can't do this to yourself! Why, why would you do that, tear her sacred skin for a mere thought?" Ash pulled her into a tight embrace, savouring her touch, before she gently pulled away.  
  
"Then you must ask yourself, why do you do the same every day, my angel?" Before he could answer, she threw herself backward onto the chair, and struck an evocative pose. "So go ahead Ash, I'm yours to do with as you please." The sight of his flame-haired angel enticing him sent shockwaves through Ash, and following an unbidden response he leaned forwards and kissed her tenderly on the lips....and drew away. He moved to the other end of the settee, and picked up pillow, before placing it behind her head and pulling some blanket over her. Misty smiled widely, Ash sat down beside her.  
  
"Do you need any more convincing?" She asked.  
  
"Wha?" Ash looked blank.  
  
"First, you stopped me from cutting myself, then you reassured me that I am a good person, and then when I asked you to do what you wanted to me, you made sure I was warm and comfortable. You may be the son of your father, but you're not your father's son." Deliah winked at her from the other end of the settee as Ash sank into thought. Finally, he looked up again, and without a word leant forwards, kissing Misty tenderly, and she returned the kiss. Eventually, they split apart, and Ash wiped a tear from his eye.  
  
"Thank you Mist, thank you. And you too mom." He finished, spinning around and giving her a long hug.  
  
"We just did what needed to be done, and that is to make you see sense." Deliah smiled. "I don't hold it against you in the least, and nor do Misty, Chikorita or anyone else. The only one who did is you..." She broke out into a high, tittering laugh. "Besides, I needed to make you see sense because some day I want you two to be the parents of my grandchildren!"  
  
"Aha! Ulterior motives! I should've guessed!" Ash sniggered, as Misty giggled behind him. She got up, and slipped her shirt back on.  
  
"That time will come But not for a while yet." She yawned widely, and rubbed her eyes sleepily. "But now it's too early in the morning for me, hell it's nearly yesterday. So I'm going to bed." She turned back to Ash. "There's room enough for two, if you'd prefer a proper bed to the couch." Ash looked up at his mother, who nodded to him.  
  
"I trust you two from what I've heard, and I know you won't do anything hasty or stupid. Go on up to bed Ash, and you two sleep well." He kissed her goodnight, and the two of them climbed the stairs, leaving Deliah alone. She brushed a tear out of her eye, and sighed deeply. *I wish I had someone to love as closely as that. At least my boy is happy...Deliah, don't you go giving up hope! There's plenty of time left, and Samuel keeps stuttering when he talks to me on the telephone, so you've still got it yet girl!* She chuckled to herself, brushing the rest of her tears away. *All the same, I think it's time to look for someone new, someone special. No time to start like the present, well not the exact present, as everyone is a little asleep.* She got up slowly, and walked out of the room, turning the light off climbed the stairs, went into her room and got into bed. Her last thought before passing from consciousness...*Wonder what I'll wear to my wedding?*  
  
Okay, Epilogue in a few weeks! Don't forget to R&R.  
  
Thanks  
  
Dan. 


	6. Resloutions and...baby pictures....

Okay, here is the epilogue. I'm going to start writing something else now, unrelated to these two stories, with a little more action (hopefully.) Oh yeah, thanks to all you wonderful people who reviewed this – Llyxius, Joy girl, cultnirvana, DigiDestined, Sheron, BigRed, Light sneasel, lorilynn and all you others. Oh, and thanks Llyxius, I had no idea that the Gary- Sabrina pairing had a name. EerieCheerSipping – Hmmm, wonder who's eerie and who's the cheer!  
  
Okay, So if you read this try and find a moment to review, whether you liked it or not. Any reasons please tell me why! Big hugs to all those who do.  
  
So, on with the epilogue!  
  
Scartissue Pt. VI  
  
Misty yawned and stretched her arms out in her normal waking reflex….and her fist made contact with something warm with not inconsiderable force. She drew her arm back in and cradled her hand, a look of remorse on her face as a pair of mahogany eyes opened just a foot away and stared at her reproachfully.  
  
"Good morning to you too Mist." Ash sat up slowly, hand reaching for a rapidly swelling cheek. "Remind me sometime to never get between your hands and ice cream." The dryness in his voice made Misty's face crack, and she sniggered in response.  
  
"Yeah. Aren't I supposed to be scrawny or something?"  
  
"I take all of that back. Even Brock didn't hit me that hard." Ash smiled as Misty looked back at him, perplexed.  
  
"Wha? When did Brock ever hit you?"  
  
"Ah, once I got in between him and nurse Joy. You know what Brock does to anyone who gets between him and Joy. We could hire him out as a cannon ball. I think it was his head that connected with mine that time…." He winked at her, and she returned the gesture.  
  
"I'm more powerful than a Joy-driven Brock? Whew, and I haven't been working out!"  
  
"Really? I thought you were getting a little butch…"  
  
"AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" The mallet flashed through the air , Ash ducking under it by millimetres.  
  
"Heh, first you have a complex about being to thin, now too fat. Can't please some people can ya?" Misty, poised to send the mallet through his skull, caught his cheeky grin and relented.  
  
"It'd be nice to be complemented every now and then, Mr. Boyfriend. You don't know how much a little praise can do to a girl." She put her hands on her hips and batted her eyes seductively.  
  
"I think I know very well, my beauty." He took her into his arms and span her around, bringing out a squeak of surprise. "But there are other ways that I can do the talking…." He leant forwards, and placed his lips on hers….  
  
"Uh, guys, its not that we aren't enjoying this, but can't we get a little peace here?" Ash glanced up to see Brock looking amused, and Chikorita giggling furiously. He pulled Misty upright again, and grinned.  
  
"Okay, we'll take our exchanges downstairs Brocko." He turned, and began to lead Misty out of the door by the hand. Brock glanced at Chikorita and gave her a tiny wink before speaking.  
  
"Now behave yourselves you two, and don't do anything silly Ash!" Abruptly, Ash stopped dead in the doorway.  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Chikorita and Misty picked up on the tone, and glanced back at Brock warily. Brock, however, needed at least three hours for his brain to catch up with his vocal cords.  
  
"Y'know, don't go being hasty! Doing something too soon! Getting aboard the loooove train…." Before he could blink, Ash was back across the room and staring at him with great intensity from three inches away. When he spoke, his voice was the purr of sheer, glistening anger.  
  
"How can you possibly say that?"  
  
"Hey, it was a joke man! You know, ha ha?" Reality slowly filtered into Brocks' mind, as Ash's burning stare had the same effect as ten coffees and a cold shower.  
  
"Yes. Very funny. Ha, ha, ha." Ash leaned yet closer, making the older man cringe backwards. "Now, would you care to tell me why it's so funny?"  
  
"Uh, it's uh…." Before he could think of a feeble excuse Ash smashed a fist into his stomach, sending him rolling back into the wall and Chikorita skittering off to one side.  
  
"That's what I think of your joke. Hope you can laugh that one off." He spun on his heel, and stormed past Misty out of the room. Chikorita picked herself up from where she'd landed and rushed over with Misty to help Brock to his feet.  
  
("That was uncalled for!") She gestured angrily to the open door with her vines, shaking her head as Brock leant on the bed for support.  
  
"Maybe I should learn to get my brain out of neutral before speaking." He gasped, shaking his head to clear it.  
  
("Even so, it was an innocuous comment, there was no need for that.") Chikorita growled, looking angrier at Ash than she ever had before. Misty pondered for a moment on the reason why, but gave a mental shrug before springing to Ash's defence.  
  
"I can see why that pissed him off. He's been trying to get out of his dad's shadow for ages, and even though that's been sorted out he's more than a little sore about that sort of thing."  
  
"Sorted out? When?" Brock asked, mystified.  
  
"Last night, long story. Too long for now, ask me later." She walked over to the door. "But a the moment I have a rather emotional boyfriend to comfort before he climbs up a tree or drops some glassware." With that, she headed off down the stairs.  
  
I slump down on the soft, forgiving sofa and tried to clear his head. What had happened? Why did I lash out like that? Soft footsteps pattered like the falling rain, and Misty emerged into the kitchen, eyes scanning the room and softening visibly when she saw me. She silently paced over to me, and reached out to stroke my hand, face brimming with a compassion which seemed to glow, aura-like around her.  
  
"Ash, you okay?" She sits down behind me, and gently eases my head down into her lap.  
  
"Not really…" I murmur as I fall gently backwards, her touch magnetic.  
  
"What is it? Was it was Brock said?" She has that uncanny knack of opening me up when I'm at my most vulnerable, and it works again.  
  
"Yes, and….no."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, when he made that joke, it did kind of….hurt…..coming so soon after last night….." She can feel me tense up, I see it in her eyes.  
  
"Ash, don't hide it. Remember what good that did last time?" She's got me there, and again, against all self-will, my mouth responds.  
  
"Well, he made that joke, and I-I can just remember something else taking hold. A red mist came down, and the next thing I know I'm in his face, almost daring him to do it again. And when I looked into that sarcastic grin something snapped…." I put my hands over my face in a futile attempt to shield myself from the world, only to feel them melt down to my sides as Misty stroked my hair. I take a steadying breath and staggered on. "It was all I could do to not wrap my hands around his neck, to strangle the bastard to the point he breathed no more, to smash him in the stomach rather than smash his head open. And I'm scared Mist, scared of what I could do…." I turned my head and buried it in her body, trying to hold back. "I've only just realised I'm not a rapist, I don't want to think I could murder…" A few tears seeped out of my eyes and I just let them flow, uncaring. She rocks me gently, reminiscent of my mother back when I was a child and I let myself fall into the feeling, the feeling that this pair of arms can protect me from the world itself, a gentle voice or rhythmic lullaby enough to erase any problem the world may bring.  
  
"You've forgotten already haven't you?" The voice, albeit gentle and lilting, brings me to attention. I tilt my head, and peek at hr out of the corner of one eye.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You forget that the potential to do things like that is only that, a potential. It's your choice as to if you use it. And you said yourself that you pulled the punch, held back when all the provocation was there, especially when you were so fragile." The start of a smile began on my lips, and I shook my head in mock anger.  
  
"You must really be getting tired of being right." She giggled, a sound as refreshing to me as the dawn chorus in spring, or the sun setting on summer nights.  
  
"You could say that. But hey, it's my natural right for being a woman!" I smirk at her, and snuggle down deeper into her lap.  
  
"It's a disadvantage of being a woman that you're so damn comfortable, if I don't get up in a minute I'll fall asleep right here." Ash murmured, eyes sinking.  
  
"Heh, it's because I'm a perfect ten, what can I say?" She joked back gently, cradling my head in her hands. "Doesn't this seem a familiar situation to you?" I opened my eye a crack, to see her smile light up.  
  
"Just like Janerio. Only difference is I'm not going to have to be talking to Ralph on the big white telephone this morning." She rolled her eyes at the dreadful pun, and tapped me on the head as a reprimand as I gave her a winsome grin.  
  
"We do seem to have some fun nights eh?"  
  
"Yeah. First that night at Janerio, then the festival night, tying Brock up and sharing a bath, sharing several more baths along the way, that night two weeks ago when Cyndaquil inadvertently set alight our tent and we had to get Totodile and Staryu to put it out…"  
  
"And Brock slept through it all." I finished for her, smiling at the memory. Brock had gotten used to them sharing a tent, and when Cyndaquil had dreamt she was a the chief cook at a barbecue, or something similar, she'd torched their tent. Thankfully it didn't rain that night, and Brock slept through it all completely oblivious in his own tent.  
  
"Yeah, happy memories." She shot me a cautious look, and asked a question which had been gnawing at her for a while, by the look of it. "When you planning to get training again?" She gazed at me like she was afraid I'd go kopstick on her.  
  
"Soon, I would like to get back for the Johto competition. Besides, it may help me to get over this little period in my history." I gazed back into her stare, letting myself sink into it. "It's not going to go away overnight, or in a couple of days, or weeks. But I need to get on with life." She smiles broadly, as if this is music to her ears. I catch the reaction, and decide to prod a little further. "Why, I thought you like nice soft beds, and bugless rooms?" She doesn't rise to the bait, just smiles even more widely.  
  
"The starry skies and campfires will always mean more to me than a fluffy blanket." She bends down, and plants a kiss on my forehead. "Now why don't you take advantage of the fact you've got a lovely soft lap to lay in, and we'll catch up on a few winks, ne?" I needed no more invitation, allowing my eyes to close and mind to float away.  
  
  
  
("I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.") Chikorita turned to head for the door, but a tug from Brock stopped her.  
  
"No. Give yourself time to settle down, and he needs to cool off as well." He gave her a wink, brushing her leaf gently. "Besides, I'm a big boy now, I can fight my own battles y'know."  
  
("Yeah, okay. But he didn't need to do that.")  
  
"It's my fault too. Think about it for a moment, could you think of a more stupid or tactless thing to say at that point in time?" He picked her up and placed her on the bed, sitting down beside her. She thought deeply for a moment, before conceding.  
  
("Not right now.")  
  
"I would have been more concerned had he said nothing. With him it's more dangerous when he's bottling up." He gently petted Chikorita, feeling some of the tension seep away beneath his fingers. "At least he's letting his emotions show, even if it was a little painful. He's less likely to do something really dangerous."  
  
("Yeah, I guess.")  
  
"Besides, after all you've done for him, do you really want to go down there and scream at him, maybe set him off again?" He soothed.  
  
("No, but it stings a lot to hold back after all you've done for me.") She stated bluntly, before realising what she was saying.  
  
"Taking Ash's place in your affections am I?" Brock teased back. She blushed, and looked shyly at the floor.  
  
("No, not that. I know that such a relationship isn't possible anyway, and I think I've got over that sort of crush. But you've been like a father to me for the last week, I don't know if I'd still be here if it wasn't for you. I might have wasted away, or fled before reality caught up with me. I owe a lot to you Brock.") She replied solemnly, looking back up at him.  
  
"Well, the first thing you can do to pay me back is to not scream at Ash the second you set eyes on him." Chikorita chuckled at his dry tone, before getting up.  
  
("I'm going downstairs now, breakfast is calling and who am I to make it wait?") She walked to the door, before glancing back at him. ("Care to make one of your famous high-taste full-fat grease-dripping fry-ups?")  
  
"Yeah, why not?" Brock walked over to his bag in the corner of the room and threw a shirt on, before spinning and following her out of the door. They quietly descended the stairs, mindful of the still sleeping Deliah, and walked down the passage before cautiously pushing the door ajar and pacing into the kitchen. A single glance into the back room told all they needed to know. Misty sat on the settee, bangs washing across her face and gently rocking with each sleeping breath. Ash lay head in her lap, eyes red, cheeks damp but with an expression of blissful peace written across his face.  
  
"Glad you aren't going to scream at them now?" Brock murmured, Chikorita replying with a small smile. He moved over to the fridge, and drew out some cooking fat, eggs, bacon and sausages. Reaching into a cupboard, he drew out a saucepan and set it onto the stove, turning it on, dropping some fat into it, followed by two eggs, yolks intact.  
  
("Under five seconds! Not bad, not bad.") Chikorita put in, smiling at the grace with which Brock got the cooking underway. He had it down to a fine art, hell, maybe even perfection.  
  
"Hey, when did you even start eating meat?" He asked over his shoulder, while she ferreted for plates and cutlery.  
  
("Ash gave me little bits off his plate over the last week, to make you think he was eating more than he was. I got a taste for it, especially the bacon.") Seeing the funny glance he shot her, she mimicked a posture she'd seen Misty use, balancing on her hind legs and folding her forelegs across each other. ("And what is wrong with that?")  
  
"Heh, you're going to get tubby. I'm sure you don't want that a few weeks before the league!"  
  
("Me? Tubby? This is prime muscle and sinew you see here!") She responded indignantly.  
  
"Yeah? I can see a little pot belly forming there…" Brock sniggered as she twisted every which way to try and see what he was indicating, which had the rather interesting effect of making her overbalance from her unfamiliar stance and crash into the ironing board, which he managed to catch an inch from the floor. "You should learn to be more careful else you'll wake Sleeping beauty and Sasquatch over there."  
  
("I wouldn't say Misty's hair was bad enough to call her Sasquatch Brock….") Chikorita smiled sweetly in reply.  
  
"Good thing she's asleep, last time Ash made a joke like that he spent a week looking for this teeth. He eventually found them – in his ear." He popped a few rashers of bacon in the now quietly sizzling pan, and prodded them with a spatula. "They'll be awake in a moment. Misty can say what she likes about Ash's stomach, but the smell of breakfast is as good an alarm call for her as for him."  
  
("True. I think I can hear Deliah moving upstairs.")  
  
"Guess I'd better put some more sausages in then…"  
  
  
  
"Gorgeous Brock, absolutely gorgeous." Deliah put her fork down with an appreciative clink onto her plate, leaning back in her chair.  
  
"True, true." Ash agreed, following suit.  
  
"Yesh, definachly." Misty added, spraying everyone liberally with egg.  
  
"Pig."  
  
"Ever heard the one about the pot and the kettle?" Misty shot back.  
  
"Yes, but I've never used it while my mouth was full of fried egg."  
  
("Very ladylike.") Pikachu sniggered.  
  
"Ah, go sit on a sandslash." She shovelled a too-large piece of sausage into her mouth, cheeks bulging.  
  
"Sure, Ms. Gerbil." The doorbell rang, and Chikorita ran to answer it while the others contentedly watched a slowly warming argument between the two usual protagonists with idle interest.  
  
"Morning all!" Three heads lifted to see Gary and Sabrina walk in, the other two still fixed on each other. The sight of Misty and Ash staring fixedly at each other, mid argument brought a smile to their lips.  
  
*Looks better.* Sabrina thought  
  
*Yep.* Gary replied.  
  
*Something good has happened here.*  
  
*Duh, obviously.*  
  
*Don't you dare duh me!*  
  
*And what are you gonna do about it?*  
  
*You forget that I could drop your pants in the blink of an eye, Gary Oak.*  
  
*Uh, good point.*  
  
"Ahem…"Gary and Sabrina broke eye contact to see Deliah looking at them, arms folded. "Now, is there anything you would like to share with the class?" She made a sweeping gesture with her arm, incorporating Brock, Chikorita and Pikachu watching them. "Of course, I don't think that the two delinquents will be that interested…." She gestured to Ash and Misty, who had forgotten their argument, and were just gazing at each other.  
  
"Uh, yeah, sorry." Gary blushed, and sank down to sit at the table.  
  
"So, what's this about you two linking minds?" Brock probed.  
  
"I was explaining to Gary about the problems of being a psychic, the static- like buzz of minds in the background, and he asked if he could help. I let slip about a little technique which binds two minds, leaving each other like an open book, while closing off unconscious psychic actions. He jumped at it, and we did it." She grinned, sinking into another chair. "It's been an education too."  
  
"Yeah, I never knew a girl's mind works the way it does until this." Gary smiled.  
  
"Same for me and a guy. Of course, there have been a few surprises and shocks along the way…" Sabrina blushed rose red, and stopped. "Which you wouldn't find out about if you paid us. And you can wipe that dodgy grin off your face Brock, I know how your mind works." *Although it's not far from the truth, eh Gary?* Gary's spluttering made Brock grin even wider, and he mentally vowed to drill him for a few clues to the female psyche later.  
  
("Awwwww….") Chikoritas' oblique outburst brought everyone else's eyes around to where she was staring, to see Ash and Misty apologising to each in a very informal manner.  
  
"What's with Ash today?" The question, posed by five different mouths simultaneously only made Deliah smile.  
  
"If he doesn't mind me telling…." Ash, buried somewhere in Misty's mouth, didn't respond.  
  
"Geez, hormones…" Brock made the *I'm going to be sick* gesture, bringing out giggles from the others.  
  
"He doesn't seem to be objecting."  
  
"Fine, just make yourselves comfortable." Deliah leant forwards, placing her elbows on the table and cupping her chin in her palms, eyes drifting into an unseeing gaze. "Your plan was perfect, Sab. It was late last night, well this morning really…."  
  
  
  
Five Fifteen, and it's already starting to get dark. I nudge open the back door, and quietly pace over to the seat on the patio, where I can see her resting. I know that she's enjoying the peace and quiet, perhaps she wants to be alone for a while, but I want to atone, apologise. Something I've been trying to do too much in my life recently, but it's a different apology now. She looks up as I reach her side, and slides down to make room for me. I accept, sitting down and looking out across the scene.  
  
"Nice evening."  
  
"Yeah. It's starting to get a little chilly, though."  
  
"Here." I slip my jacket from my shoulders, and place it around my mother.  
  
"You sure you won't freeze?" She smiles vaguely up at me, and I wink back.  
  
"Nah, you should try staying in an ice-cold cave in a blizzard for a night, with only Pikachu and Chikorita for company. You've become far too domesticated."  
  
"Ah, so many adventures, experiences. I wish I could've shared them with you too. I'd love to hear about more of them too." She casts a wistful glance across the sky, red light of the setting sun glinting in her eyes, brimming with gentle regret.  
  
"Yeah, I wish I could've been with you more. I mean, you're my only family, and I love you for all you've ever done for me, or just being with me." I slip a comforting arm around her. "But as it is, I'm just glad to have you." I notice her eyes now scouring my arms, exposed by my short-sleeved shirt and laced with scars.  
  
"I'm glad to have you too. For all darkness still contains some light, and you are that light. It's a shame that you had to do this to yourself for so long before realising the truth." She is right, but that's part of the reason that I'm out here now.  
  
"Yeah. I've come out to say sorry, again." She opens her mouth to protest, but I plough on. "I know I've done this too much recently, and I hope that I haven't cheapened the word by misuse. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so selfish, drowning myself in my own worries when I should have been helping you. You were the one who has had to undergo this ordeal, and I should have thought more about your feelings, your thoughts." She closes her eyes, and swallows deeply before replying.  
  
"My son, you astound me. You go through hell, and come out the other end with an apology for not thinking about me." A short laugh, a shake of the head. "You truly are something else." She opens her eyes and gazes directly at me. "And the knowledge that you've done this is enough of a comfort to me, more of a comfort than words can ever be." She leans over, and kisses me on the cheek. "And helping you fight your demons is better than any therapy." For a few seconds, we both just stare out at the scene, minds at rest. "Come on, it's getting too cold." She gets up, stretching slowly. "There's a good movie on tonight, and if you behave yourself there could be ice cream involved at some point…"  
  
"Ah, you do know how to bribe a man."  
  
"Yes, but I also know how to bribe a rather hungry young boy."  
  
"Is that all I am to you then?" I joke, rising off the bench.  
  
"To a mother, that's all a son ever is, even when he's a father himself. And yes, I will be keeping all those baby photos, including the one of you dancing in one of my…." I put my fingers in my ears for a moment, not wanting the memory in my head any more than it already is. I wait for a second, and then take them out again. "….although we got it cleaned up in the end, Samuel said it was one of the most inventive uses of a…" Not done yet, okay, wait another second. "….Never quite felt the same, although it did still do the job."  
  
"You are such a mercenary, aren't you?" I joke, walking towards the door, her at my side.  
  
"Well, yes. It's up to all adults to embarrass their kids. Now, let me see, where did I hide them, I'm sure Misty will like them, and Gary said they were the funniest things ever seen by man!" She heads for the stairs, and I groan loudly as I walk into the back room where everyone is sat around the television.  
  
"What's up?" Brock looks at my downcast face, and I provide the only two words that he needs to hear.  
  
"Baby pictures…."  
  
"Woo hoo! You have GOT to see those!" Gary, who has seen them enough times, almost punches the ceiling in delight.  
  
("Awww, is Ashy going to be embarrassed?") Pikachu croons.  
  
"Why what did you do as a kid?" Misty looks at me, puzzled, and I stuff my fingers in my ears as Gary elaborates on my most famous act. Eventually he finishes, and Misty looks midway between awe-struck and hysterical as the rest of the room is screaming with laughter.  
  
"Really on a…." I nod. "And with a…" Another nod. She pauses for a second, and then virtually explodes. "AHHHHHH-HA-HA-HAAAAA!" I slide right up to her, and whisper in her ear.  
  
"If you gave me one of yours it'd be my pleasure to demonstrate exactly how I did it, for your eyes only of course…." She stares at me for a second in a passable imitation of Brock the night Chikorita popped out from under the covers, before smiling and winking. Just then, I hear the rush of feet on the staircase, the rustle of photos in a box, and know right then that my life is over….  
  
  
  
"Bye!"  
  
"See you soon!"  
  
("G'bye")  
  
"C'ya!" I shout my own goodbye to Deliah, and the others turn to look at me in surprise.  
  
"What, you never heard Japanese before?" Ash looks at me quizzically.  
  
"Yeah, I just happen to know lots of Japanese. But I've never heard you use it."  
  
("It's a little pretentious isn't it?") Pikachu chirps from his shoulder.  
  
"Pretentious?" I place a hand on my chest. "Watashi?" Ash snorts with laughter, as the others look clueless.  
  
"Nice take on that joke Mist." The other five still don't get it, so he demonstrates. "It's an adaptation of that "Pretentious? Moi?" joke, only in Japanese." Now they get it, and he turns around again to wish his mother a final farewell. "See you soon, hopefully as Johto champ!" This brings a big smile to my face, that's more like him. He's been slowly getting better over the last week, although he is liable to go off if someone touches anywhere sore. Also I have seen him cry a few times at night, he doesn't know I have, but he still is getting better. It is heart-warming to see him back to his old self, even if he is bluffing a little.  
  
"Well you'll have to get past me first. And with Sabrina behind me, it'll be a formidable task." I roll my eyes at that remark, traditional Gary-type speech. He doesn't quite get that Ash has something special about his training and battling technique, although I have to give him high marks for effort. It doesn't seem like before though, his comment is more of a statement of fact than a boast.  
  
"Yeah well, me and Mist make a handy team as well, without her, I wouldn't have made it through Johto." I blush at that, high praise indeed. "Perhaps that's what you need Gary, a woman in you're life. I mean, I've got three on my shoulder now." He gives a short chuckle, and I can see what he means, Chikorita on his left shoulder, Pikachu on his right and me leaning on him. "Oh, and I also suggest you get yourself a Brock, if you can find one. But they are few and far between." Brock also blushes, looking at the floor.  
  
"Hmmm, maybe."  
  
("Hey, why don't we have a sweepstake?") I look across at Pikachu, wondering where that oblique statement came from.  
  
"Uh, what on?"  
  
"Who gets married first. You and Ash, Gary and Sabrina, Brock and whoever, or Deliah and Prof. Oak…"  
  
"Mom and Sam?!" Ash almost falls headfirst into a tree. "Where did you get that idea Pikachu?"  
  
("Trust me, I have good senses for this sort of thing. Plus, I heard her flirting with him on the telephone…")  
  
"Hmmm, Sam and mom….Hey Gary, wouldn't that make me your uncle?" Gary, immersed in a psychic connection with Sabrina, looks up in confusion.  
  
"Huh?!" Sabrina giggles, I wish that I could see what Gary is thinking.  
  
"Nothing, nothing. Now, let's get going, I want to get to New Bark town in time for some supper." He speeds up slightly, and I take my place on his right, Brock outside me and the other two on the other side. I'm pleased to be back on the road, but most of all I'm glad that things are back to normal, well normal as is possible with us. And most of all, I've got my boyfriend back intact.  
  
"What you thinking of Mist?" I let my eyes drift back into focus to see him casting a sidelong glance at me, Pikachu also waiting for my answer. I smile.  
  
"You. You?"  
  
"Lunch." It takes all of my will power and a small grin from him to stop me pulling out my mallet. "Oh, and you. You and lunch, and I know which tastes sweeter." Ahhh, why is it a little complement like that can completely turn me to mush. "Especially when it's got strawberries and whipped cream with it." Uh…I get ready to whip out my mallet again. "That's why lunch can never compare to you." That's it, he's got me again. I can feel my cheeks colour, and hear Chikorita and Pikachus' giggles drift from his shoulders. Much as I like the idea, it's a little embarrassing to be placed in the same context as strawberries and cream in public. He just smiles and walks on. I'm going to either kill him or kiss him, I don't know yet. But it's a wonderful feeling to be walking in the sunshine, with the warm grass around your ankles, with the one you love. Just then, a rumble of thunder echoes across the valley, and we run for cover before the dirt path we're walking on becomes a mud bowl.  
  
Ah well, one out of three isn't bad.  
  
  
  
Okay, hope that you enjoyed it. If anyone out there is fluent in Japanese and there is a mistake with my one translation in here (I'm fairly sure it's right, I read it in a book somewhere) give me a bell so I can correct it. All those that liked this, keep your eyes peeled as I might have something new by the end of this month. Again, big thanks to all reviewers, and C'ya later! 


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